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#IfSingaporeLaunchedARocket

[File photo by AP]

Update: I made a mistake in the post and did not attribute a tweet by @LorenzoZanirato correctly. This has been corrected. Sorry, dude. My bad. I blame my meds.

In epic fail news today, North Korea's rocket crashes minutes after launch: "North Korea's rocket launch ends in failure".

Kim Jong Un pledges to last longer the next time.

Kim Jong Un shall henceforth be known as Kim Jong Unabletolaunch.

If Singapore launched a rocket, we would not have failed like the North Koreans, because we know to use cable ties.

And, as @visakanv says, Singapore would put together a committee to name the event, and then after paying millions for the consultation, name it "The Singapore Rocket Launch".

Maybe Kim Jong Unfazedbyitall will blame the aliens from the Battleship movie for his equipment failure.

Since we are on the topic of Battleship: Tell me, why would an alien race able to fly across the depths of space to earth, choose to fight us in a sea battle? With ships that hop?

I wonder, if Singapore launched a rocket, what would it be like?

1. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket We'd invite only foreign rocket scientists to pitch for the design. Until the local rocket scientists complain.

2. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket The rocket would be named, after a million-dollar naming exercise, The Singapore Rocket.

3. @kixes: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket that failed, ST's headline would read, "Min of Defense says Singapore Rocket good first effort".

4. @LorenzoZanirato: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Singaporeans would have complained that "even 3rd world countries like North Korea have better transport system".

5. @derekcheww: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket it'd be an integrated rocket. (And Singaporeans must pay $100 to see the launch. Foreigners free.-mb)

6. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Malaysia will protest and say the recipe came from them first.

7. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Bukit Brown will be the launch site because we cannot stand in the way of progress and development.

8. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Dr Mahathir will insist on building a bigger Malaysian one and it will be crooked.

9. @paperless2012: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket it will be launched during General Elections =)

10. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket The launch pad will be named Esplanade Station even though the launch site is in Tuas.

11. @weizhu: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Must get aunties to pat the launchpad first.

12. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket to the moon, we would already have sent a smaller rocket beforehand with a tissue packet.

13. @kixes: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket the launchpad would be called one-launch. All small caps. 'Cos cooler liddat.

14. @MrJohnHoHoHo: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Yam Ah Mee will be the one to do the countdown.

15. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Vivian Balakrishnan will say that, even through the launch cost 3 times more than budgeted, it was worth it.

16. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Teo Ser Luck will be asked to cheer for the rocket, with one last cheer for himself.

17. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Tan Chuan-Jin will engage with nature & heritage groups as the rocket starts its engines.

18. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Singaporeans will not want the launch site at their estate because old people are smelly and sometimes die.

19. @dee_kosh: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket could we tie Steven Lim on it?

20. @lianglin: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket the countdown will be in 4 languages.

21. @blackadlerqueen: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket They would get The Dim Sum Dollies to make a jingle called, "Love your rocket."

22. @Fake_MINDEF: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket All our men would expect it to last at least 20 minutes.

23. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket The astronaut would be afraid to take a seat for fear of getting Stomped.

24. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket It would travel slower when it rains because the rails are wet.

25. @memeranglaut: #ifMalaysialaunchedarocket it will be 10 times the price, half the size and must use the name 1RocketMalaysia

26. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Low Thia Khiang will insist on being the copilot.

27. @crystalgeek78: #IfSingaporelaunchedarocket there would be a shopping mall attached.

28. @sleetm: #ifsingaporelaunchedarocket there would be a smaller Filipino rocket to carry its fuel.

29. @TommyWee: #IfSingaporeLaunchedARocket It will be delayed.

30. @crapthree: #IfSingaporelaunchedarocket Expats may get a more "exclusive" package to watch the live telecast on Starhub channel

31. @TommyWee: #IfSingaporeLaunchedARocket It will require three manufacturing quotes before it's made in China.

32. @mrbrown: #IfSingaporelaunchedarocket Yale university will complain that our rocket lacks academic freedom.

A child-friendly deal spotted

This might be the solution to our declining birth rates.

[Photo via @martintan]

Sandy Lam MMXII Concert

The incredible Sandy Lam, who is still able to rock the Indoor Stadium with her style, energy and most important of all, her voice.

Signs your Coffeeshop Auntie is Fail

Coffeeshop aunties have a thankless job, and the best of them are like walking computers, able to remember your order without batting an eyelid. One of my favourite coffeeshop aunties even knew what I was going to order, depending on the time of the day (I take one drink at breakfast, and another during lunch). A nod from me was all she needed.

However, we have also met coffeeshop aunties that don't quite make the grade.

Signs your Coffeeshop Auntie is Fail:

1. @mrbrown: Forgets your face 10 seconds after you ordered & wanders around asking everyone who ordered the drink.

2. @mrbrown: Hears Coke when you order Oolong.

3. @mrbrown: Doesn't respond to "Kopi Ah!".

4. @Matthro: Mine hears cock when I say Coke… "ONE COCKKKKK!!"

5. @HeelHooked: Comes to my 12-year-old bro and asks whether want Tiger.

6. @JadeArlindita: Mine heard kaya toast when I ordered Coke Light.

7. @Gingerbreadpapa: Mine takes my order of teh-peng, comes back 10 seconds later to confirm order of teh-peng, and then brought me a barley in the end.

8. @Atomilk: Order cold can of Pepsi but hot cup of Teh-Si comes.

9. @natalagolamoon: Treating Coke as Pepsi and 7-up as Sprite.

10. @mrbrown: You ask for Qoo, she says don't have, and offers 100 Plus as a replacement.

11. @kelvink: Order iced milo and get asked '烧的冷的？' (Hot or cold one?)

12. @Eiusine: Order 2 cups of Kopi Siew Tai, comes with 2 Kopi and Siew Mai.

13. @Vizzay_: I order a kopi & she forces me to buy an already made teh that she made by mistake earlier on. (Actually, that is a powerful sales skill -mb)

14. @longadin: You ask for Whatever, she gives you Anything.

15. @kelvink: You give her $1 coin for your 80 cents kopi & she glares at you "没有散钱 meh??" ("No small change??")

16. @roykwok22: You order "teh yi ge, dabao" (one tea, take away), she give you 1 packet tea and 1 big pau.

For all their mistakes, I think most of us will still buy from them, will never scold them even when the drink orders come wrong, and will never complain to their boss because it may cost them their job.

Because coffeeshop aunties hold a special place in our hearts.

Siang Kah Pager?

I found this old pager in my drawer when I was spring cleaning. It belongs to my wife, and I had a similar one too. It still has the orange Singapore Telecoms logo on it, which gives you an idea how old it is. Even my wife's pager number is printed at the back of it.

In our youth, my wife (then girlfriend) and I used the pager to keep in touch with each other. We would call back at a payphone once we received a page. This model did not even do pager texts. The caller merely hit asterisk twice and hanged up, and the receiver would see the caller's land line number. LAND LINE, wow. Most of the time, we used our home line to page. But some payphones at coffee shops had a land line number.

These pagers fell out of favour once mobile phones and the Internet became ubiquitous but in its time, it was our first mobile communication device.

Later, I would upgrade to a Callzone phone, a service that became defunct in 1997, to complement my pager. If I can find that Callzone phone, that would be neat.

Come think of it, payphones are also becoming extinct these days too.

This memory can also be found at the Singapore Memory portal (singaporememory.sg): http://mrbrwn.co/IdFKAl

Fairprice supermarket, you're selling Ice Cool Young WHAT with pulp?!

I didn't know you can sell this kind of thing in Singapore.

(Photo sent to me by @Mezame)

Everyday Life 31

Images of the beautiful Sultan Mosque (Masjid Sultan).

Made with my iPhone and shared on Instagram.

Yale-NUS is not Yale?

Professor of computer science, Michael Fischer writes in the Yale Daily News that "Yale-NUS is not Yale":

"Once freedom of expression is compromised at Yale-NUS, how comfortable can anyone feel that it will continue to be strenuously defended on the New Haven campus? Will Yale faculty feel uncomfortable about expressing views critical of the Singaporean government, perhaps out of fear of damage to our so-called colleagues at our satellite campus in Singapore, or perhaps out of fear of retribution from the Yale administration that has as-yet-undisclosed financial ties with the Singaporean government? Ethical standards cannot be compromised a little bit at a time and retain any force."

Austin Shiner has a different view and writes in the Yale Daily News:

"Did these laws render 1960s, '70s and '80s America unfit for liberal arts education? No. Did the Yale faculty abandon its pursuit of light and truth in 1986, when our highest court ruled against its ideals of openness and tolerance? Of course not. Has Yale severed ties with Kansas? Why, then, should section 377A preclude liberal arts education in Singapore?"

And if Yale is an Ivy League university in the US, does that make Yale-NUS a Clementi League university in Singapore? Maybe, an S-League university?

As for me, my primary concern is, if Yale-NUS is not Yale, what other names can we use? Here is my list:

1. Nale-NUS
2. Fale-NUS
3. Sale-NUS
4. Stale-NUS
5. Ail-NUS
6. Jale-NUS (via @AaYyLaA)
7. Pale-NUS
8. Y@NUS
9. Frail-NUS (via @bordeauxblack)
10. Whale-NUS (via @imellery)
11. Wail-NUS
12. Yale Lite
13. Lee Kuan Yale School of Liberal Arts

And my favorite alternative name for Yale-NUS:
14. Budget Terminal

Everyday Life 30

Bicycle Rides: Marina Barrage to Tanjong Rhu Suspension Footbridge.

Follow the black tar road.

Puttin' on the Ritz.

Old flats made new.

Then I turned on the windscreen wiper and it was all over…

Made with my iPhone and shared on Instagram.

the mrbrown show: a public service announcement

Photo by Great Beyond

Don’t spread the wrong warnings! Listen to our PSA at mrbrownshow.com!

Play "the mrbrown show: a public service announcement"

Now THIS is urban art

(via Steven Stewart's FB)

Everyday Life 29

The day begins at the school for the special amongst us.

Grow old along with me! / The best is yet to be.

Bugis and iluma, at dusk.

Sunset over Crawford St.

A view from the (new) National Library.

Made with my iPhone and shared on Instagram.

Dilbert's Boss joins Temasek?

@_@

Singapore Memories: V. Sundramoorthy and his bicycle kick

1. @mrbrown: I remember V. Sundramoorthy and his bicycle kick. I watched that match when he did it. http://bit.ly/sundram-kick #sgMemory

2. @jermlai Ya man. My jaw dropped too. Then cheered like man. #sgMemory

3. @nestordave: I remember this one… that was when EPIC wasn't a popular word yet #sgMemory #sundram (Last tum we say SOR-LID! -mb)

4. @miyagi: The bicycle kick that could http://miy.ag/Hi2alT #sgMemory #Sundram

5. @mrbrown: I remember shouting at S-League matches, don't pass the ball to Lim Tong Hai! Football fans were cruel then. Forgive me. #sgMemory

6. @khangwei: last time i would buy a hotdog from esso (during m cup their hotdog damn solid) and i would choke on it when he does that. hai #sgMemory (I liked Nasi Lemak. -mb)

7. @jermlai: Everyone loved Steven Tan… when he comes on, we win the game. #sgMemory (Go Super Sub, Go!!! -mb)

8. @miyagi: No, srsly, why is it called a bicycle kick? #sgMemory

9. @maenadery: @miyagi It's because you need to be wearing bicycle shorts when doing it. That, or leggo two balls. #sgMemory #sundram

10. @miyagi: I think it should be called the "synchronized swimming kick". #sgMemory #sundram (Then MGS girls sure win. -mb)

11. @mrbrown: @miyagi See? Sundram's bicycle kick, got bicycle what #sgMemory

12. @Dustygirl: @mrbrown @miyagi wtf even with shadow!

13. @mrbrown: @Dustygirl @miyagi Got shadow because it is REAL! sgMemory

14. @WayneTeo: I was able to recite the names of the entire team of sg lions and their positions back in 93/94 #sgMemory

15. @restlessly: Me too! And their jersey numbers! Last time I was damn free. #sgMemory

16. @sashizoso: I remember practicing the "Sundram kick" move with my friends the next day at the football field #sgMemory (Must've hurt head. -mb)

17. @eugeneyap: I tried it. Fell and hurt my right wrist. #sgMemory

18. @jermlai: lol I could sing the song "I'm Jang Jung!" is the phrase stuck with me till now #sgMemory

19. @mrbrown: Sundramoorthy's less known but equally powerful Motorcycle Kick #sgMemory #sundram

20. @Gingerbreadpapa: who can forget… "Abbas Saad, he sibeh saad!" #sgMemory

21. @Gingerbreadpapa: I remember we always suan short guys who wanted to join our football team. Eh you think you Malik Awab ah? #sgMemory

22. @voxeros: DRINKS!!! KARLI POK!! KWAY CHEE!!! @ National Stadium. #sgMemory

23. @sandylht: Drooling at the players instead of watching the game during Malaysia Cup haha #sgMemory

24. @voxeros: Michael Banana… er… I mean Michael Vana. #sgMemory

25. @jackandrai: I was actually quite a D. Devaraj fan for a bit... But all time fave has to be T Pathmanathan #sgMemory

26. @miyagi: Lim Tong Hai was such a good defender, the only person who could score against him was himself. #sgMemory

27. @Fake_PMLee: Fandi and Sundram - #sgMemory Non-Chinese SGreans that racist elderlies can agree on.

28. @shearnation: Singapore Dream Team Song 1993! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99VKGIpIOiE #sgMemory

29. @Ace3Kay: Walking from National Stadium to Satay Club at Esplanade for supper after Malaysia Cup games. #sgMemory

30. @moby74: Kallang wave conductor. #sgMemory

(I thought it was a good idea so…)

31. @mrbrown: #KallangWave RT to join in! #sgMemory

32. @mrbrown: The awkward moment when you stood up too early for #KallangWave and had to sit down to stand again. #sgMemory

33. @miyagi: National Stadium used to be so crowded, when you stood up to do #KallangWave, someone else took your seat. #sgMemory

34. @jeffcheong: The awkward moment when you are eating Nasi Lemak and witnessing #KallangWave coming your way. #sgMemory

35. @WayneTeo: What's even more awkward is when other people already sitting down, you are still standing up #KallangWave #sgMemory

36. @subaudible: And everytime it rained during matches, it rained newspapers! #sgMemory

37. @Leadrick: @mrbrown were u at there when we beat Tengganau in M cup in 94 by a C. Foster penalty.was so happy that i hugged a stranger beside me. #sgMemory

38. @miyagi Referee Kayu, Captain Kelong, Coach Kuku, Stadium #KallangWave. #sgMemory

39. @Fake_PMLee: When every referee that ruled against the Lions was a Kayu one. #sgMemory

40. @skinnylatte: When Fandi played for FC Groningen and we had no idea what that was but we stood behind him anyway #sgMemory

That was fun. If you have any Singapore memories, go to www.singaporememory.sg/ and register to share some there.

Hang around their Facebook page if you want to find out more about the activities: www.facebook.com/irememberSG

Dear NTUC Income…

Dear NTUC Income: Most of us don't knock off work at 6.30pm. It's not genius. It's common sense.

Everyday Life 28 (USS John C. Stennis, CVN-74)

The John C. Stennis Strike Group (JCSSG) visited Singapore in late January, 2012. I was invited by the US Embassy to the aircraft carrier USS John C. Stennis, CVN-74, for a lovely meal and a tour of the massive vessel. Here are some of my images of that visit.

Made with my iPhone and shared on Instagram.

Philips Home Lightover: mrbrown's Living Room, the work begins

The work has begun on my living room. My home is a hive of activity. Couriers delivering packages of lighting product, the interior designer, the electricians and the painters, flow in and out of my home.

The kids are very excited about it all, thinking it all a fun game. But the wife and I are a little stressed out with the dust and messiness that comes with renovation. We do a lot of sweeping, dusting and mopping every day because dust is everywhere. Still, we tell ourselves that it will soon be over and the it will be worth the trouble.

I didn't know Philips made so many different kinds of light fixtures too. It was pretty impressive to see their various products on our living room floor, waiting to be installed. I heard it was going to be a full LED makeover. I've never had LED lights in my home before (only on my bicycles) so I was very curious to see how they looked in my living room.

One of the challenges involves ensuring the kids don't knock over or pull the new lights down. We told the team that our oldest, Faith, who has autism, had a tendency to yank at dangling fixtures and they took it into account when hanging some of the lights.

Also challenging was shifting my television spot to the other wall to accommodate the new study area for the kids. I didn't realise shifting a television area meant shifting a whole lot of stuff. The cable point, power sockets, and even a Cat 6 network point, had to be created anew at the other wall. I have media players that function as network drives and that was the reason a new network point had to be installed. Even surround speakers had to be rearranged.

It is easy to forget that rearranging the living room impacts so many infrastructure areas because you set them up when you first move in, and you never think of it again.

But the team was patient and understanding with my requirements. And I did my best to help them move stuff out of the way so they could work, like furniture and my curious children (they ended up at my mom's).

Looking forward to the finished living room very much. Fingers crossed.

By the way, In support of Earth Hour, Philips will lightover up to 3 children's homes if they receive 1,500 pledges. Log on to facebook.com/philipslightingsingapore to make a pledge and share with your friends to help make that happen.

Seen in the neighbourhood…

Dear PAP kindergarten, I think you meant to say "We make a positive difference TO the mind of a child."

Everyday Life 27

What's that in the sky?

The old fishmonger at our wet market.

The River Wild.

Rain, rain, go away.

Life is a game of Checkers.

View from above at nex.

Some day my bus will come.

Made with my iPhone and shared on Instagram.

Orchard Towers Fight

(Alternate sources found and updated.)

Alternate source: http://mrbrwn.co/GRbpIC

It started as a zebra crossing argument. The younger man got angry and called the older guy's car a "L*n J*ao Fellari". Then the sports-car-owning Uncle Fellari got more than he bargained for when he challenged him with a "Lai! Lai!" and landed the first blow.

What was supposed to be between one goblock and another goblock quickly escalated into a gang bang.

Looks like Arrogant Uncle Fellari wanted to be Ip Man, until he took an arrow to the knee. Make that several arrows.

The lot who ganged up on him aren't any better. Ganging up on him was just as wrong as him swinging the first punch.

Watch the sneakiest one, the fella in white carrying a sling bag. You will notice he doesn't really fight, just dances around like he does, and finally when the Uncle Fellari is on the floor after everyone has had a go at him, Sneaky Goblock goes over and steps on him.

And the video has also led to the latest catchphrase, "Delete your f**king phone!", a phrase that will puzzle those who don't speak yob. How do you delete a physical phone?

Lesson of the day: Don't be an arrogant prick, don't pick fights, swallow your pride and walk away, because it can go from 1v1 to 10v1 very quickly.

And oh, don't get caught on video, because the cops are going to find every one of you and haul you in. I bet, really soon.