mrbrown.com

Ebay: Size 12 Wedding Dress

For Sale: One Slightly Used Size 12 Wedding Gown. Only worn twice: Once at the wedding and once for these pictures.

When I found this auction, it had already exceeded 1.7 million views. I thought I'd include the text of the seller below, plus a screen grab in case the auction ends, and eBay deletes the entry. Stuff this funny should not be lost.

Faith's First Acupuncture Session

This was Faith's first session of acupuncture today. It was the start of 100 sessions like this one. It was not easy to hold your three-year-old daughter down, for someone to insert a whole bunch of needles into her head, hands and feet. Our difficulty was not physical in nature, but emotional.

The mother of the child before ours could not help but cry herself, when her son was being treated. But when you are dealing with autism, you do whatever is takes to help your kid, even if you have to overcome your natural protective instincts as a parent.

Still, Faith did manage a smile, 30 minutes after the needles were inserted. Her sunniness shore through the ordeal. Note the needle still dangling from beneath her nose and above her upper lips. In fact, all of the needles had to be left inserted for about 30 to 45 minutes.

From my limited understanding of Chinese (my wife would probably be able to explain it better), the method used is known as Jinsanzhen (Jin's Three Needles), a method based on the Three Acupuncture Points Theory developed by Dr Jin Rui, Professor of the Guangzhou University of Traditional Chinese Medicine.

TODAY: She Used to Call Me Dear

Latest TODAY column is: She Used to Call Me Dear

Excerpt:

Online journals reveal a lot of detail about people. Sometimes a little too much.

I am still combing the hairs on my arm down after finding out that a friend's husband calls her "baobao", "puffylombie pie" and "puffy".

I will let the hairs on your arm come down before I share this next bit. She calls her hubby her "hunka-hunka-burnin'-luurve". Yes, that's TWO "hunkas". Remember to add a little feral growl when you say "luurve".

More metastasis BMT Stories

Excerpt:

8 things Recruit Tan Kok Meng did in the week he was platoon IC

1) Imitate the mannerisms of sergeants while in their presence.
2) Run around the basketball court holding his rifle in front of him until the platoon sergeant was satisfied.
3) Fall over while trying to turn sharply in senang diri position.

Read More Here...

The Horror of Blimps

Found this on the web. Some blimps are meant to die...

Excerpt:

Last week while travelling I stopped at a Zany Brainy store and saw that they had a blimp for sale. It's called Airship Earth, and it's a great big balloon with a map of the Earth on it, and two propellors hanging from the bottom. You blow up the balloon with helium put batteries in it, and you have a radio-controlled indoor blimp.

I'd seen these things for sale in Sharper Image catalogs for $60-$75. At Zany Brainy it was on clearance for $15. What a deal!

Read more here...

Black Mood

You know those days. I just had one of them. You have a shitload of work to do, you have people grilling you over deadlines, and your editor just emailed you to tell you that your column is being withheld because the wounds are still fresh from the Collapse.

This sucks.

If I do not beat anyone at cards tonight, I will kill someone.

Male Chauvinist Pig: Sayings that will earn you the couch

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

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Phallic Pastry

This is some wierd pastry from a local bread shop, man. How do you eat this with any dignity in public?

Lord of the Rings: Slightly Condensed

For those of you who missed the LOTR movies.

TODAY: Battle-ready for blackout

Latest TODAY column is: Battle-ready for blackout

Excerpt:

WHEN I told everyone that the west and far north bits of Singapore were ulu, people said I was a Eastern-living snob. Well, there you have it — proof of ulu-ness — as large parts of the west and the north plunged into darkness on Wednesday at 11.30pm because some power cable "took a leak". Or was it "had a leak"? Authorities are investigating.

For about an hour, more than 80,000 homes went without power that night — all because a small part of a power cable's insulation failed and electricity gushed into the ground and, within 0.1 second, triggered the substation's emergency shutdown sequence. That's why you must always check your cable to ensure that your sheath is not broken, or your leak will cause an accident of national proportions.

Management 2004

Welcome back to the office after the new year. Please be advised that there are new rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our organisation.

Who is Ong Ah Bee?

For your long weekend reading pleasure, The Epic Poem of Ong Ah Bee, Singapore's Everyman:

TODAY: Don't drool when watching Miss Singapore

Latest TODAY column is: Don't drool when watching Miss S'pore

Excerpt:

I FEEL so sorry for the contestants of the recent Miss Singapore Universe pageant.

It's hard enough to gather the courage to catwalk elegantly in evening wear without falling on your face, to sashay in swimwear on stage with all your butt fat captured on film forever and to still answer difficult questions on politics and history. All this, while smiling naturally for hours.

But throw in the post-pageant criticism proclaiming the general fall in standards (actually the exact words I have heard so far were, "wah lau eh, that one look like Changi Village Ah Gua, man!"), and then it really starts to bite...

From the Mailbag 7 Apr 2004

From Tan KH

Nice to read Browntown again

Hey there Didn't think Browntown was still alive! Didn't check-in for like 2-3 years man. Nice to see that you've responsibly procreated. Congrats! Browntown is one of the earliest blogs that I can remember.

Warm regards

SNE Part 98

Singapore National Education Part 98 -- by mr brown
Weeks of 22 Mar 2004 to 7 April 2004

National Service National Education, Ah the Nostalgia!

The BMT stories continue at metastasis. From Sgt X to Sgt Y. Excerpts below.

Also a good read, at Balderdash, Agagooga on his last days at 42SAR.

metastasis writes from a BMT perspective, Agagooga writes as an NSMan about to ORD (or ROD, as we old-timers called it), that is, about to finish his tour of duty. Funny stuff. Excerpts below too.

TODAY: Express Stream to the World Cup

By popular demand, the mrbrown column has been moved back to Friday. Happy now?

Latest TODAY column is: Express Stream to the World Cup

Excerpt:

So our marshals must be all-rounders, too. We must strive for excellence, people! No time for underachievers. No time for late bloomers. No time for people who are talented in areas that do not involve grades! I mean, do you want to be led by an MP who has 6 Cs rather than 6 As? Of course not!

But don't worry, we are flexible in our pursuit of excellence. Although we seek Express Stream for most of our specialised schools, those from other streams will be considered on a case-by-case basis.

This is in line with our intention to streamline our education system. From now on, there will only be two streams: The Express Stream and the Case-by-Case Stream. Isn't that better? No more EM1, EM2 and EM3, Technical, Express or Normal. Just two streams to deal with: Express and Case-by-Case.