mrbrown: L'infantile terrible of Singapore

Snakes in the Brain

Remind me to be extra careful when something like Snakes on the Plane is on tv.

I was at the in-laws' and the television was on, showing a very censored version of Snakes on a Plane.

"Why would anyone want to watch Samuel Jackson lose his bad-assedness due to the scissors of censorship?" I announced. "I mean, all the best bits have been cut from the movie, and you will never hear the signature line from the movie anyway!"

I went back to reading my papers.

As I flipped through the papers, I realised that Joy, all 3 and a half years of her, was standing at the back of the living room. Her already very big eyes were even rounder than usual. It was just a few seconds but you could tell she was pale with fright.

In horror, I shouted, "Hey! Don't let Joy watch this kind of movie! Get her back in the room with her cartoons!"

Mommy shooed her back into the bedroom to join her brother watching a cartoon, and I muttered and complained about our carelessness.

Lame as the censored version was, it was enough to give this little girl a big fright.

Sure enough, when we got home and it was bedtime, Joy cried and kept saying she didn't want snakes and that she was scared. She specifically asked for me to sleep with her.

It seemed she did not think Mommy was capable of dealing with the snakes in her room. Mommy was a little offended that her daughter did not trust her snake-busting skills but I told Mommy, "This is an issue of national security, so of course I am the man she asked for."

"Papa is here," I said, "Don't be scared, Joy Joy, ok?"

Then I did some kung-fu actions, pretended to fight a monster snake, and threw said snake out the window. I hoped my imaginary snake did not hit anyone below or land on anyone's laundry hung out to dry.

"See? Joy Joy? No more snakes!"

Then I said a little prayer for her and stayed in the room till she fell asleep.

I have a funny feeling I will be on Snake Watch guard duty for the next few nights.

Sammyboy newsflash: Mr Brown confirmed now with PAP

A reader pointed me to this photo and this thread in Sammyboy's forums.

I don't know who took it but I am deeply offended by it. Hello, why must you photograph me at an angle that makes me look fat, eh?

Oh, and apparently, this photo somehow shows my deep adoration of DPM Teo Chee Hean, who was the Guest of Honour for the event I attended.

Other choice quotes from the thread:

1. "Hoping for business lobang."
2. "He looks like a dog yearning for a bone. I feel tempted to throw him one. Maybe he will look on me with the same expression."
3. "That look on his face looks like he willing to do anything just to please (that PAP crony)!"

Next time I go to an event because of the free balloons, goodie bag (there was a nice t-shirt inside) and the free grub (chicken pie and curry puff was awesome), and I am introduced to the DPM, I need to remember to look like I dislike him and want to pick a fight with him (maybe offer my controversial interpretation of The Pledge), in case photographers take my unflattering and scandalous photos.

Actually, at that juncture, I believe I was thinking of what I was going to buy at Sim Lim Square after the event, because the IT mall was just next door. And also thinking of having another go at the grub.

The correct caption/thought balloon should have been: "I wonder when DPM will finish telling his story so that I can duck into Sim Lim Square to buy my Razer Orochi mouse. Maybe I will grab one more chicken pie before I go. Mmmmm, chicken pie..."

Insing column: mrbrown and the 3D glasses

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the 3D glasses"

Excerpt:

My biggest beef though, was with the 3D glasses. They only come in One-Size-Doesn't-Fit-All. My wife was happy with hers but I have a somewhat broader face and I ended up spending most of the movie holding up my glasses. It kept slipping down my nose and giving me a massive headache.

All this for an experience that you have to pay a few extra bucks for. If I was feeling annoyed and uncomfortable, I feel sorry for those of you who wear prescription glasses. How would these things fit over your regular glasses? (cont'd)

the mrbrown show: temple of popiah

We need to guard the fragile faultlines of our society religiously! Guard it at mrbrownshow.com!

Yet another waste of money

Lift security cameras and screens just got installed in my apartment block's lifts. I thought that's what the windows on the lift doors were for. But I guess we need something way more high-tech to spend Town Council money on. And of course nobody asked if residents would feel uncomfortable with the loss of privacy.

Hey, how about using those cameras in a more useful way, like preventing bicycle theft at MRT stations?

And as I write this, an article in the UK's Telegraph declares: "1,000 CCTV cameras to solve just one crime, Met Police admits"

More new dresses for the wife = happy wife

The wife has new outfits from famescape.livejournal.com and I thought to share it with you guys.

Anti-gahmen young bloggers irk lady

You ungrateful young pipples! How dare you doubt the benevolence of your loving gahmen! Don't you know how much has been given unto thee? How come you don't blog nice things about a gahmen that has given you so much!

Even the internet with which thou speaketh ill with, was given unto thee by thine kings, who have the heavenely mandate!

Bow before your betters! Show thine heartfelt worship and adoration!

Let not any more unclean words of disdain spew forth any longer from thine keyboards, younglings!

ST Forum: Shame on you, young bloggers

IT IRKS me that young people blog negatively about the Singapore Government. They live in an era where there is peace and harmony, they have a roof over their heads, plenty to eat and so much to enjoy. There is a need to realise that all these good things do not come naturally. Someone has to do the job and we are fortunate to have a sound and honest government to take care of this place we call our home.

We live in a small place with no natural resources but we have done well. We have good infrastructure, a clean environment, a safe place and the list goes on. Our children are free to roam the streets and return home safely. We cannot take all that we enjoy now for granted.

The Government took great pains to mould this tiny island into a place of wonder. There is no one policy that suits everyone. It is not possible to please everyone all the time. We may not always benefit from some of the policies implemented but we should be happy that others do.

Life was a struggle before but after years of persistent hard work and thrift, we managed. I travelled quite a bit but whenever I looked around, I could not help but feel blessed that I have a home called Singapore.

This is only possible because we have a government that cares to make this a better place. The question often asked is, 'What can the Government do for me?', but shouldn't it be, 'What can I do for my country?'

I am grateful to the Government, which has done a great job, and in particular Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew, who has gone through so many trials and tribulations. Even now, at his age, he has not stopped caring about Singapore. My heartfelt thanks to MM Lee and I wish him happiness and health.

Sites down

Update: the sies are back up. Thanks for your patience.

Just in case you are trying to access mrbrownshow.com, wtfshow.com or seewhatshow.com, our sites are down. We're looking into it and we'll update you when they're back up. Sorry for the inconvenience.

MM Lee tells yammerin' NMP where to put his highfalutin ideas

Wow, first day as NMP delivering his first speech, and Viswa Sadasivan kena the honour of being rebutted by MM Lee in Parliament.

Viswa's 50-minute speech asked "that this House reaffirms its commitment to the nation building tenets as enshrined in the National Pledge when debating national policies, especially economic policies".

If you want to read Viswa's speech in full, instead of just reading the ST summary, you can go to this blog.

Apparently, his ideas were so "false and flawed" that MM Lee, who rarely intervenes in Parliament, spoke after his physiotherapy session to demolish what he called Viswa's highfalutin ideas.

I leave you to decide on whether Viswa's speech or MM Lee's rebuttal had merit. Me, I was more fascinated with something else: the use of wonderful words like "highfalutin".

I have been known to use "cockamamie" myself. Here is a list of useful words you whippersnappers can afford to acquaint yourselves with:

1. highfalutin
2. cockamamie
3. shenanigans
4. tomfoolery
5. heebie-jeebies
6. poppycock
7. strumpet
8. trollop
9. mumbo-jumbo
10. loquacious
11. smarmy
12. hullabaloo
13. diddly-squat
14. flibbertigibbet

Feel free to add your own fave words to the list in the comments section below.

mrbrown goes to the Grand Prix: Episode 2, Warehouse

We visit the warehouse where all the race items are stored, ready to be deployed for the race days in September.

The Irish Times: Cyclists unite — you have nothing to lose but your chains

I thought I'd share this article from The Irish Times about the rise of cycling in Ireland. I particularly like this quote:

Probably the biggest obstacle towards cycling is the attitude of some other road users. Impatience and lack of awareness on the part of drivers (including so-called professionals such as bus and taxi drivers) greatly adds to the sense of hazard for cyclists. In Scandinavia and Germany, a “hierarchy of care” places the onus on motorists to drive cautiously around vulnerable road users. After all, cyclists don’t kill truckers, so the legal duty of care must reflect this inequality of risk.

Read the rest at The Irish Times.

Insing column: mrbrown and the economy rice

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the economy rice"

Excerpt:

Over lunch, I had economy rice with my friend Ryan. You know, the kind where they cook 10 to 15 dishes and plonk them there for the whole day, grouped loosely into three categories: Meat dish, Vegetable dish, and Dunno-what-dish.

You choose your one-meat-two-vegetables or two-meat-two-vegetables or three-meat-one-make-yourself-feel-better-vegetable. Then the nice gentleman looks at your plate and magically conjures up a price for your combo. The price will vary with the time of the day, the weather, and the position of the planets, even if the same dishes were selected.

I don't really know why they call it economy rice. Do I get Frequent Flyer miles with that? Besides, my selection came up to $7. It was hardly economy. I admit I got carried away when I saw the steamed fish and the breaded prawns. (cont'd)

the mrbrown show: national day rally 2009

Hear the speech from the OTHER PM, at mrbrownshow.com!

the wtf show live: X-mini II speaker

I tried out the X-mini II portable speaker from xmi, when I was in Cancun. Having used their first generation X-mini speakers, I was keen to find out if the second version was any better. (via wtfshow.com)

Democracy no need opposition one, says PAP member

I am very impressed by this article from PAP member Xu Kaixian, who says "democracy need not involve the presence of an opposition".

You can tell it is very authoritative because it quotes a dictionary.

Singaporeans don't really want democracy lah. They want "voices" and "quality debate". Who cares if a ruling party gives itself a giant (but most certainly well-deserved) pay raise, as long as there are sufficient voices that raise some kind of objection, giving Singaporeans the impression that their displeasure has been expressed. Perhaps, NMPs, who only cannot vote on matters like amending the constitution, public funds, vote of no confidence in the government, and removing the president from office.

Of course the pay raise will still proceed but we have made ourselves heard! Who needs real opposition for that?

Perhaps we should market our Singapore brand of democracy so that the world need not bow to the evil Western version.

Think of all the wonderful countries that can benefit from our no-opposition-needed democracy model. Like Myanmar!

What Myanmar, for instance, should do to improve on their democracy is to make pro-democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi an NMP! That will ensure a stable government and yet some kind of opposition voice. Like, say, having fake meat made of gluten in vegetarian meals. Wouldn't that be a great model for democracy?

Besides, as the writer says "if an incumbent is incompetent, he will be voted out". Oh wait, unless the voter lives in a walkover GRC ward.

That essential journey
by Xu Kaixian, People’s Action Party’s Paris Ris West Branch

Insing column: mrbrown and the broken internet

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the broken internet"

Excerpt:

I regret to inform you, gentle reader, that this Internet column may take longer to load.

In fact, your entire Internet may take longer to load. You do know that it is possible to download the entire Internet, right? That's why you need those super duper megabit cyber-byte broadband plans that ISPs keep telling you that you need. (cont'd)

The AXS machine lottery

You have bills to pay. You go out in the middle of the night and locate an AXS machine. You punch in all your bills. Then when it's time to pay, you realise the machine ONLY accepts DBS, POSB and Citibank cards. And you have a debit card from UOB or OCBC.

It is the dreaded D-Pay AXS machine.

Sure, not all the AXS machines are converted to D-Pay. Sure, we are told that there will be more participating banks by the end of 2009. But to subject to your customers to a rollout before you've got all the banks on-board, and just quietly change your AXS machines to a half-baked D-Pay system, sucks.

It reminds me of the new CEPAS ez-link card rollout too. That massive waste of time that resulted in people being unable to pay for things with their new CEPAS ez-link cards as machines had to be upgraded at participating outlets. And in some cases, even losing a payment option like at McDonald's.

And don't even get me started on that new ez-link rule that prevents your card from being used for public transport if it dips below $3.

Good thing I try to pay for most of my stuff in cash these days. Screw this cashless mess.

mrbrown at NDP 2009: The Creative Direction

I interview Ivan Heng, Creative Director and Desmond Tan, Show Chairman, two very important people behind this year's NDP. Ivan shares his creative vision with me and tells me why he finally accepted the role of Creative Direction for this show.

And Happy National Day 2009, everyone!

NDP 2009 Photos of the Day: 9 August 2009

Flag on your face

Wushu contingent

Indian dancers

Almost at the grand finale

I am Singaporean 2009 by Liz

Three years ago, for National Day 2006, we did a series of podcasts called "I am Singaporean" (by me, by Miyagi, by my wife, and by Stan and Ryan).

You can find other people's "I am Singaporean" works if you google "I am Singaporean" or "iamsingaporean". It was a really popular meme that year.

This year, Liz did hers, from Dubai. I thought it was brilliant. I liked it so much, I am blogging this at 4am from Cancun, Mexico. Watch the video below.

Hey that's me in her end credits!