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#IfSingaporeLaunchedARocket

[File photo by AP]

Update: I made a mistake in the post and did not attribute a tweet by @LorenzoZanirato correctly. This has been corrected. Sorry, dude. My bad. I blame my meds.

In epic fail news today, North Korea's rocket crashes minutes after launch: "North Korea's rocket launch ends in failure".

Kim Jong Un pledges to last longer the next time.

Kim Jong Un shall henceforth be known as Kim Jong Unabletolaunch.

If Singapore launched a rocket, we would not have failed like the North Koreans, because we know to use cable ties.

And, as @visakanv says, Singapore would put together a committee to name the event, and then after paying millions for the consultation, name it "The Singapore Rocket Launch".

Maybe Kim Jong Unfazedbyitall will blame the aliens from the Battleship movie for his equipment failure.

Since we are on the topic of Battleship: Tell me, why would an alien race able to fly across the depths of space to earth, choose to fight us in a sea battle? With ships that hop?

I wonder, if Singapore launched a rocket, what would it be like?

1. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket We'd invite only foreign rocket scientists to pitch for the design. Until the local rocket scientists complain.

2. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket The rocket would be named, after a million-dollar naming exercise, The Singapore Rocket.

3. @kixes: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket that failed, ST's headline would read, "Min of Defense says Singapore Rocket good first effort".

4. @LorenzoZanirato: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Singaporeans would have complained that "even 3rd world countries like North Korea have better transport system".

5. @derekcheww: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket it'd be an integrated rocket. (And Singaporeans must pay $100 to see the launch. Foreigners free.-mb)

6. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Malaysia will protest and say the recipe came from them first.

7. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Bukit Brown will be the launch site because we cannot stand in the way of progress and development.

8. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Dr Mahathir will insist on building a bigger Malaysian one and it will be crooked.

9. @paperless2012: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket it will be launched during General Elections =)

10. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket The launch pad will be named Esplanade Station even though the launch site is in Tuas.

11. @weizhu: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Must get aunties to pat the launchpad first.

12. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket to the moon, we would already have sent a smaller rocket beforehand with a tissue packet.

13. @kixes: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket the launchpad would be called one-launch. All small caps. 'Cos cooler liddat.

14. @MrJohnHoHoHo: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Yam Ah Mee will be the one to do the countdown.

15. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Vivian Balakrishnan will say that, even through the launch cost 3 times more than budgeted, it was worth it.

16. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Teo Ser Luck will be asked to cheer for the rocket, with one last cheer for himself.

17. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Tan Chuan-Jin will engage with nature & heritage groups as the rocket starts its engines.

18. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Singaporeans will not want the launch site at their estate because old people are smelly and sometimes die.

19. @dee_kosh: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket could we tie Steven Lim on it?

20. @lianglin: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket the countdown will be in 4 languages.

21. @blackadlerqueen: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket They would get The Dim Sum Dollies to make a jingle called, "Love your rocket."

22. @Fake_MINDEF: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket All our men would expect it to last at least 20 minutes.

23. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket The astronaut would be afraid to take a seat for fear of getting Stomped.

24. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket It would travel slower when it rains because the rails are wet.

25. @memeranglaut: #ifMalaysialaunchedarocket it will be 10 times the price, half the size and must use the name 1RocketMalaysia

26. @mrbrown: #ifSingaporelaunchedarocket Low Thia Khiang will insist on being the copilot.

27. @crystalgeek78: #IfSingaporelaunchedarocket there would be a shopping mall attached.

28. @sleetm: #ifsingaporelaunchedarocket there would be a smaller Filipino rocket to carry its fuel.

29. @TommyWee: #IfSingaporeLaunchedARocket It will be delayed.

30. @crapthree: #IfSingaporelaunchedarocket Expats may get a more "exclusive" package to watch the live telecast on Starhub channel

31. @TommyWee: #IfSingaporeLaunchedARocket It will require three manufacturing quotes before it's made in China.

32. @mrbrown: #IfSingaporelaunchedarocket Yale university will complain that our rocket lacks academic freedom.

A child-friendly deal spotted

This might be the solution to our declining birth rates.

[Photo via @martintan]

Sandy Lam MMXII Concert

The incredible Sandy Lam, who is still able to rock the Indoor Stadium with her style, energy and most important of all, her voice.

Signs your Coffeeshop Auntie is Fail

Coffeeshop aunties have a thankless job, and the best of them are like walking computers, able to remember your order without batting an eyelid. One of my favourite coffeeshop aunties even knew what I was going to order, depending on the time of the day (I take one drink at breakfast, and another during lunch). A nod from me was all she needed.

However, we have also met coffeeshop aunties that don't quite make the grade.

Signs your Coffeeshop Auntie is Fail:

1. @mrbrown: Forgets your face 10 seconds after you ordered & wanders around asking everyone who ordered the drink.

2. @mrbrown: Hears Coke when you order Oolong.

3. @mrbrown: Doesn't respond to "Kopi Ah!".

4. @Matthro: Mine hears cock when I say Coke… "ONE COCKKKKK!!"

5. @HeelHooked: Comes to my 12-year-old bro and asks whether want Tiger.

6. @JadeArlindita: Mine heard kaya toast when I ordered Coke Light.

7. @Gingerbreadpapa: Mine takes my order of teh-peng, comes back 10 seconds later to confirm order of teh-peng, and then brought me a barley in the end.

8. @Atomilk: Order cold can of Pepsi but hot cup of Teh-Si comes.

9. @natalagolamoon: Treating Coke as Pepsi and 7-up as Sprite.

10. @mrbrown: You ask for Qoo, she says don't have, and offers 100 Plus as a replacement.

11. @kelvink: Order iced milo and get asked '烧的冷的？' (Hot or cold one?)

12. @Eiusine: Order 2 cups of Kopi Siew Tai, comes with 2 Kopi and Siew Mai.

13. @Vizzay_: I order a kopi & she forces me to buy an already made teh that she made by mistake earlier on. (Actually, that is a powerful sales skill -mb)

14. @longadin: You ask for Whatever, she gives you Anything.

15. @kelvink: You give her $1 coin for your 80 cents kopi & she glares at you "没有散钱 meh??" ("No small change??")

16. @roykwok22: You order "teh yi ge, dabao" (one tea, take away), she give you 1 packet tea and 1 big pau.

For all their mistakes, I think most of us will still buy from them, will never scold them even when the drink orders come wrong, and will never complain to their boss because it may cost them their job.

Because coffeeshop aunties hold a special place in our hearts.

Siang Kah Pager?

I found this old pager in my drawer when I was spring cleaning. It belongs to my wife, and I had a similar one too. It still has the orange Singapore Telecoms logo on it, which gives you an idea how old it is. Even my wife's pager number is printed at the back of it.

In our youth, my wife (then girlfriend) and I used the pager to keep in touch with each other. We would call back at a payphone once we received a page. This model did not even do pager texts. The caller merely hit asterisk twice and hanged up, and the receiver would see the caller's land line number. LAND LINE, wow. Most of the time, we used our home line to page. But some payphones at coffee shops had a land line number.

These pagers fell out of favour once mobile phones and the Internet became ubiquitous but in its time, it was our first mobile communication device.

Later, I would upgrade to a Callzone phone, a service that became defunct in 1997, to complement my pager. If I can find that Callzone phone, that would be neat.

Come think of it, payphones are also becoming extinct these days too.

This memory can also be found at the Singapore Memory portal (singaporememory.sg): http://mrbrwn.co/IdFKAl

Fairprice supermarket, you're selling Ice Cool Young WHAT with pulp?!

I didn't know you can sell this kind of thing in Singapore.

(Photo sent to me by @Mezame)

Everyday Life 31

Images of the beautiful Sultan Mosque (Masjid Sultan).

Made with my iPhone and shared on Instagram.

Yale-NUS is not Yale?

Professor of computer science, Michael Fischer writes in the Yale Daily News that "Yale-NUS is not Yale":

"Once freedom of expression is compromised at Yale-NUS, how comfortable can anyone feel that it will continue to be strenuously defended on the New Haven campus? Will Yale faculty feel uncomfortable about expressing views critical of the Singaporean government, perhaps out of fear of damage to our so-called colleagues at our satellite campus in Singapore, or perhaps out of fear of retribution from the Yale administration that has as-yet-undisclosed financial ties with the Singaporean government? Ethical standards cannot be compromised a little bit at a time and retain any force."

Austin Shiner has a different view and writes in the Yale Daily News:

"Did these laws render 1960s, '70s and '80s America unfit for liberal arts education? No. Did the Yale faculty abandon its pursuit of light and truth in 1986, when our highest court ruled against its ideals of openness and tolerance? Of course not. Has Yale severed ties with Kansas? Why, then, should section 377A preclude liberal arts education in Singapore?"

And if Yale is an Ivy League university in the US, does that make Yale-NUS a Clementi League university in Singapore? Maybe, an S-League university?

As for me, my primary concern is, if Yale-NUS is not Yale, what other names can we use? Here is my list:

1. Nale-NUS
2. Fale-NUS
3. Sale-NUS
4. Stale-NUS
5. Ail-NUS
6. Jale-NUS (via @AaYyLaA)
7. Pale-NUS
8. Y@NUS
9. Frail-NUS (via @bordeauxblack)
10. Whale-NUS (via @imellery)
11. Wail-NUS
12. Yale Lite
13. Lee Kuan Yale School of Liberal Arts

And my favorite alternative name for Yale-NUS:
14. Budget Terminal

Everyday Life 30

Bicycle Rides: Marina Barrage to Tanjong Rhu Suspension Footbridge.

Follow the black tar road.

Puttin' on the Ritz.

Old flats made new.

Then I turned on the windscreen wiper and it was all over…

Made with my iPhone and shared on Instagram.

the mrbrown show: a public service announcement

Photo by Great Beyond

Don’t spread the wrong warnings! Listen to our PSA at mrbrownshow.com!

Play "the mrbrown show: a public service announcement"

Now THIS is urban art

(via Steven Stewart's FB)

Everyday Life 29

The day begins at the school for the special amongst us.

Grow old along with me! / The best is yet to be.

Bugis and iluma, at dusk.

Sunset over Crawford St.

A view from the (new) National Library.

Made with my iPhone and shared on Instagram.