mrbrown.com

the mrbrown show: an Apple you can wear

What to expect from Tuesday's Apple event! Everyone is looking forward to the next big thing in Apple products, that solves the oldest problem in the world. Check it out at mrbrownshow.com!

Play "the mrbrown show: an Apple you can wear"

Said Also Don't Listen

Seen in a taxi by my friend, @phatfreemiguel, an oldie but a goodie. Pretty much sums up life.

The lines were also in the 2004 movie 江湖 (Blood Brothers), starring Jacky Cheung and Andy Lau. Here it is in glorious Cantonese:

YouTube link: http://mrbrwn.co/1d9OGK1

I am told Budak Pantai recorded a song around the Singlish-ized version.

What happened to My Little Ponies?

I had this conversation with the littlest one just the other day.

Me: "My Little Pony became teen horse-girls?"

8-year-old daughter: "Equestria Girls!"

Me: "But they're horses inside? Wut?"

Right in the childhood.

(Somebody else at jezebel.com felt the same way as me, it seems.)

Besides the horse roots, nobody in that cartoon human world notices that the girls have pink, blue and yellow skin?

I don't understand the toy and cartoon industry any more. Or little girls, for that matter.

And when the Equestria Girls grow up, do they look like THIS?

*Shudder*

iPhones for the departed

From reader "mystery story":

"Yesterday I went to buy joss sticks and joss paper to pray for my ancestors. The towkay asked me if I want to buy paper iPhone to burn for my ancestors. I said they know how to use or not? He said Steve Jobs already there, can teach them to use. I said ok loh.

He asked want to buy casing? I also said ok.

Next he asked me if I wanted Bluetooth? I said might as well loh.

What about charger? I said need charger meh? He said of course lah, after battery no power how? So I bought the charger also.

Then I asked for his name card.

He said why you need my name card? I said I burn for my ancestors. For warranty claim, they will contact you direct."

The infamous SMRT Bus 190

Youtube user Galaxnite uploaded this video (please next time don't shoot vertical videos leh) of the infamous SMRT bus 190 that is always overcrowded and often impossible to board. I have taken 190 before and it is a sucky ride.

SMRT released a media statement after the video went viral and said they would "continue to monitor the situation closely as part of our commitment to deliver a positive customer experience."

Yeah right. The customer service is terrible. Have you tried complaining to them before? I have. In fact, I did it on the 3rd of Sept 2013, more than a month ago, about one of their drivers who didn't give way to my bicycle. Included a freaking DIAGRAM of the incident some more.

NO. REPLY. YET.

This is the kind of responsiveness you can expect from SMRT.

No wonder the response to the Bus 190 media statement was rage and anger.

Choa Chu Kang (CCK) and Bukit Panjang (BP) residents like the 190 bus because it takes them to town faster than even the MRT. HWZ forummer iceandfire wrote:

"I had to laugh while reading this… Because it's just so normal to me already. Like don't affect me. It's forever crowded.

I've lived in Choa Chu Kang for over 23 years & I take 190 every single day. Used to live in BP, everyday also 190 to and fro.

It is the fastest and convenient mode of transport to Orchard from CCK or BP. MRT can take up to 10 mins longer & sibeh mafan. Change here, there for Green Line, JE too crowded cannot breathe. Red line keep stop at Ang Mo Kio, Yishun. Now train forever faulty. One whole platform already filled, train can break down somemore. Come I clap for you SMRT.

190 is really the best way to go to town from CCK or BP.

The bus is a bit weird weird de. The frequency is about 5 mins but sometimes a bit off then long queue even at CCK interchange. There were a few times I just missed the bus then I ended up waiting 20 mins… at the interchange.

But the bus overcrowding is the absolute best.

Some old uncle and aunties will sit at the side. Put their plastic bags on the seats and even when crowded, they ignore then just act like nothing happened. Once I saw a kid, maybe about 3-5 years ask if she can sit there, the uncle just ignore her. The girl's mother end up just shake head then ask the girl to walk.

One time I saw this guy's leg all bandaged up. Not one person in the bus even let him sit down.

Then there are times people don't know how to move in. Uncle always end up shouting. That's why you can go in from exit. You tap in front then go in from exit.

Those handicap buses are the worst. Nobody wants to move in because it is horrible to stand at the back where you can barely balance.

Now they deploy LTA people or something to stand at the last bus stop of BP before highway already. But so time consuming. Uncle will shout la, they ask to move in la but end product people also don't move in.

Btw, if I go home from town… I will usually walk 2-3 bus stops away or just take the bus straight from Outram so it is from one end to the other. I sound so lazy but it's true. Why must I let my legs suffer more after suffering an entire day at work?

OH AND PEOPLE DO CHOOSE NOT TO TAKE THE BUS AND WOULD RATHER WAIT. WHY? BECAUSE NO SEATS.

Which is why I find it stupid when they decided to remove the seats so more people can board. The minute you see people standing, you will auto think bus is full and you won't board."

The HWZ forum discussion went from the bus 190 itself to life in Choa Chu Kang, god_of_smallthings wrote:

"Why would anyone want to retire in CCK?

1. It is crowded as hell.
2. There are no interesting amenities.
3. They have never heard of fresh air there.
4. It is far from the causeways.
5. They expect most of the children there to go to ITE.
6. Lot 1 has 4 cinema screens and 5 ushers.
7. The roads are just complete spiderly convoluted crap.
8. It is full of foreigners.
9. It is the furthest place in Singapore from town, even further than Changi Village."

CCK is where children's hopes and dreams go to die."

Wah, CCK so jialat life ah? And with a overcrowded 190 SMRT bus, maybe that's why people from there are so bitter sia. Haha!

Who knows, SMRT may have to resort to this:

Video source: http://youtu.be/ezQlayJE8Qs

If Singapore had its own Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

If we had its own Agents of SHIELD show, it would need to be called Agents of SHEW (Strategic Homeland Enforcement Watchdog).

The "LD" very hard to pronoun lah. (Click on the poster to see big big.)

When I mentioned this on Twitter and Facebook, all kinds of suggestions came from the readers.

@funkshin suggested that the series have characters like Capt(NS) Dr America, the Incredible Hawk, (Orchard) Ion Man, and their leader, Ajen Nick McFlurry. Singapore's very own Aventures team, as it were. "AVENTURES FALL-IN!" would be the battle cry.

Actually, if you had an organization like this, you may not want to use the word Agents, because wait Singaporeans think it is Property Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. or Insurance Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D..

Supporting S.H.E.W. will be the S.A.F.C.T.S.F.P.C.U. (Singapore Armed Forces Counter-Terrorist Special Forces Plainclothes Commando Unit).

Needless to say, our team slogan will be One Punch One Kill. Very tokong one.

Because see doctor and geng MC is too mainstream

"ST headline: Woman allegedly files false police report to get a day off from work

A 22-year-old woman lodged a police report on Oct 9 stating that an unknown man riding a bicycle snatched her handbag at about 6.15am at Sembawang Drive. She claimed her bag contained an ez-link card and personal items.

The woman made the false report so that she could be absent from work as she had used up her leave entitlement, the police said in a media statement. Her boyfriend instigated her to make the report."

*slow clap*

Because Auntie cares

Me: "Auntie, Teh-C Kosong Peng."

Kopi Auntie (a granny who also happens to be my neighbor): "Your back pain liddat you still drink cold ah?"

Me: "Ok, I drink hot then, Auntie."

You don't say No to a caring kopi auntie. Also, I scared she tell my mother.

In other news, at 2.53am this morning, my M1 network disappeared and I got an SMS from Celcom welcoming me to Malaysia. I was in bed. At home.

What the…

Special children are born to special people

Wanjun and her husband, who have a five-year-old son with autism, want to thank the couple who paid for their dinner and left a note for them that said, "Special children are born to special people. Have a nice day."

This is the story they sent to me, a story that really made my day:

"My family and I had been at the receiving hand of an anonymous sweet act of kindness at dinner earlier today. And I would like to get the word out but unfortunately my husband and I do not have FB (it’s impossible but true).

My husband, my son, a friend and myself had dinner at PS Café at Palais Renaissance today. And this couple paid for our dinner anonymously. We only knew about it when the wait staff came to our table to inform us that the couple had paid for our dinner. They had also left us a note.

The note was written on the serviette of PS Café and it reads “Special children are born to special people. Have a nice day.”

My son is turning five next month and he is autistic. He has a fascination with fans; from ceiling fans to stand fans to wall fans. And PS Café has got ceiling fans and they placed a fan on the floor as well.

It so happened that the couple was sitting near to the fan on the floor and my son was hanging close around their table looking at the fan. My son did not disturb them but as probably already know, he lacks social cues so he did not know that he was standing too close to their table. The couple did look bemused at my son’s fascination and joy in seeing the fan. And I did mouth a sorry to the couple but I am not sure if they saw it.

When the waiter came to inform us of our paid dinner, I was quite shocked. In fact, I thought the waiter wanted to inform us that they would charge us for the water glass my son just broke.

My husband and friend ordered coffee after dinner just to make sure that the bill has truly been paid for. And we really did just pay for coffee only.

I read about a similar thing happening in the US recently and it went viral (this story, I think -mb). But I didn’t expect it to happen in “cold hard Singapore”. And least of all, I did not expect to be at the receiving end of such a random act of kindness.

Like I said, I do not have FB (or Instagram and Twitter) but I really would like to thank this couple. I can try to write to The Straits Times in their forum page but I am not sure if my letter will be selected for publication and of course, not sure if I can really convey my thanks to that couple.

So that’s why I am writing to you right now as you have a super wide reach. Most importantly, I believe you and your wife can understand our predicament; the terrible terrible heartache in our hearts that never goes away.

Most times I comfort/encourage/bluff myself that God sent my son to me because he knows that I am equipped to provide the many assistance that he will need to get on in life.

And when the going gets tough; this little act of kindness is like how the Chinese describes as “sending coal in the midst of a snowstorm”.

So I would really hope you can help me to put the word out in the online community. I will be able to thank the couple, hopefully raise a teeny weeny positive awareness about autism in Singapore and perhaps let Singaporeans know that we are not all that hard and cold a society.

I would also like to let the couple know that I will pay it forward when the opportunity arises."

She also added, at the end, "Lastly, just so you know since I am writing to you for the very first time. It may sound stalker-ish because we never identify ourselves but my husband and I will always be rooting for Faith."

Now excuse me, I have to wipe my eyes. The room is very dusty, I think.

Update: Yahoo picked up on the story and asked for my comments.

Want your iPhone 4 to feel like an iPhone 3GS?

Install iOS 7.

It's our party but we still need good grammar

The most offensive thing about Miley Cyrus's We Can't Stop is the line "We run things, things don’t run we".

It's "things don't run us", dammit!

Here's a better version of her song, sung acapella with Jimmy Fallon and The Roots: http://youtu.be/2mjvfnUAfyo

Singapore K-Pop Band Names

Recently, a PR company addressed me a Min Kun instead of Kin Mun. Talk about starting off on the wrong foot.

Since 민쿤 (Min Kun) sounds so much like a K-Pop star name, I should start my own K-Pop band.

Min Kun in Ghee-Dragon? Brown Eyed Boys? What other #SingaporeKpopBands are there?

1. @mrbrown: Ah Gong's Generation #SingaporeKpopBands

2. @mrbrown: Simi-Psy #SingaporeKpopBands

3. @mrbrown: Hong Lim Park #SingaporeKpopBands

4. @mrbrown: Super Senior Minister #SingaporeKpopBands

‏5. @funkshin: Mr Brown Eyes Girl #singaporekpopbands #hamsupblogfather

6. @mrbrown: Satay Ji-Hoon #SingaporeKpopBands

7. @mrbrown: 1PUNCH1KILL #SingaporeKpopBands

8. @moemasri: After School Remedial #SingaporeKpopBands

9. @funkshin: f(9) #singaporekpopbands

10. @chaejulri: Curry Pop #SingaporeKpopBands

11. @sonestar7: Se7en Eleven #SingaporeKpopBands

12. @funkshin: Joo Won MRT Interchange. #singaporekpopbands

13. @moemasri: Raffles Girls Generation #SingaporeKpopBands

14. @mrbrown: Rising Gods of Sengkang East #SingaporeKpopBands

15. @fennyhwang: Bukit Brown Eyed Girls #singaporekpopbands

16. @mrbrown: Whampoa Girls #SingaporeKpopBands

17. @Cloud2609: NPNT #SingaporeKpopBands

18. @HypoFelis: CIP Project #SingaporeKpopBands

19. @adilahlalala: T-AKA #SingaporeKpopBands

20. @venskye: Kiasu Generation~ #SingaporeKpopBands

21. @jkigay: Super Milo Dinosaur #SingaporeKpopBands

22. @HypoFelis: B to A #SingaporeKpopBands

23. @YSLovesSNSD: Jurong'Est #SingaporeKpopBands

24. @jkigay: 2AM Mustafa #SingaporeKpopBands

25. @adilahlalala: HDB Block B #SingaporeKpopBands

26. @lupcheong: Whinee #SingaporeKpopBands

27. @pamadrienne: Big Beng #SingaporeKpopBands

28. @adilahlalala: After School Lepak #SingaporeKpopBands

29. @Joel_Koh: 2AM SURCHARGE #SingaporeKpopBands @mrbrown

30. @estreasays: Super Junior College #SingaporeKpopBands

31. @mrbrown: Simi Taiji and Boys #SingaporeKpopBands

32. @mrbrown: Miss A* #SingaporeKpopBands

33. @mrbrown: F.T. Island #SingaporeKpopBands Wait, that's a real K-Pop boy group!

Mom on the state of local radio

Mom: "I wish everybody on radio would just stop talking and play the music. All they do is laugh at their own unfunny jokes."

Trying Siri again

Since I upgraded to iOS 7 and had the chance to play with a review unit of the iPhone 5s, I thought I'd give Siri a try again. The last time I used it was during iOS 6 and Siri had a hard time understanding my Singaporean-accented English (eh, not SINGLISH ah, proper English, ok?).

This time, I decided to ask more localized questions, like "Siri, where is the best Hokkien mee?"

Canadian hockey results? What?

Ok, I shall try "Siri, where is the best Bak Chor Mee?"

I think Siri is trying to make an ass of me.

One more try. "Siri, who is Lee Kuan Yew?"

Si geena, Siri.

One Punch One Kill Plainclothes Commando, siol

Our libraries are safer with this SAF Special Operations Force Counter Terrorist Plainclothes Commando patrolling there, though I feel that one should not reveal classified information like the legendary SAF "One Punch One Kill" technique used by the elite Plainclothes Commandos.

To know the Library Rage story behind this photo, check the video allegedly filmed at Yishun Public Library at Northpoint Shopping Centre. [Warning: Contains strong language]:

He is so elite that the Ministry of Defence has come out to declare that the man is not a member of the SAF.

The Singapore Army Facebook page announced: "We have identified the person in question; and wish to clarify that he is not a member of the SAF nor has he served in the Commandos. He currently has no NS liability."

Hey, the fella did say to check the MINDEF mainframe for his elite data. Maybe it resides in a different mainframe. The elite plainclothes mainframe, perhaps.

A very hot Sunday afternoon

Wife: "Today the hot sun very hot."

Me: …

Wife: "I meant, today the sun very hot."

Me: "The sun is always hot leh."

I think I am sleeping on the couch tonight.

I did, however, salvage the situation by making her laugh. I told her the joke about the Indian space program that wanted to send astronauts to the sun.

When asked how it would be possible to fly there when the sun, the Director of the Space Program replied, "That's simple, we would go at night!"

the mrbrown show: we can't stop leh

YouTube link: http://mrbrwn.co/1cc82Oa

It's our party and we can do what we want. Don't worry, we didn't lick anything in the music video. Turn on Captions to sing along!

Free mp3 give you too!

Play "the mrbrown show: we can't stop leh"

Parking Auntie 1 : Bikini Sunbathers 0

Watch the original video of the incident here: http://youtu.be/UscmLrGp20U

the mrbrown show: a gem of a mall

[Photo via @hoehoemistletoe]

Gimme a J! Gimme another J! At mrbrownshow.com!

Play "the mrbrown show: a gem of a mall"

USA no gahmen

Breaking: US Federal Govt shuts down for first time in 17 years as Congress fails to reach deal on funding.

Even their Twitter accounts also have to shut down.

Yes, USA is now Boh Cheng Hu.

From my friend Daryl, who is in Philly now:

"Singapore friends: update on Day 1 of the post-governmental shutdown apocalypse. So far our food and water stocks remain high. The zombies shuffled by earlier; we held our breaths and avoided detection."

I told him, "Stay safe. Use the gun only as a last resort. Go for their heads."