mrbrown: L'infantile terrible of Singapore

TODAY Reader Mail: The autism columns

Subject: Hello

Dear Mr Brown

I have read your articles dated 26-11-04, 3 & 10 Dec 2004 regarding autistic children.

I have a 8 yr old son, having a mild autistic problem. I know the pain that you and your wife had gone through because I also have (always) very painful time with my son.

I have a lot of unhappiness, 'complaints' about my son but my friends don't understand my problems. I write to you just want to let you and your wife know: Don't give up, be HAPPY!  (i am sad that no one say that to me)(...2nd thought, only my younger son 5yr old childcare centre's principle say that to me).

well, hope to read your articles regarding your girl growth development.

regards
bw

TODAY Reader Mail: Excuse me, your cup doth runneth over

my bf loves reading ur articles n as usual, he showed me this link. as u said u do not research on bras n u suggested the pump-me-up bra. as it is, this ""miracle"" bra has been sold in ck tangs years back. ;)

i was ""insulted"" many years back when the promoter suddenly ""pounced"" on me n enthustiastically showed me how i cud benefit from this amazing and revolutionary bra....

n juz fyi, it originates from korea.... ;)

akerue
January 28 2005

TODAY Reader Mail: Life is getting scary, Mummy...

Subject: Thank you Mr Brown

Dear Mr Brown

You are the highlight of my Friday every week!  I enjoy reading your weekly article very much and yes, again, I thoroughly enjoyed today's piece.  As usual, it's hilarious and it never fails to crack me up.

I've always wanted to write to you to thank you for sharing with us readers your refreshing take in life and your sense of humor (which is very much lacking in our society).  But I somehow did not manage to find time to do so.  I am very happy and glad that I am writing this note to you now.  Thank you and keep writing.  My Friday is not complete without an accidental word from Mr Brown.

I am so glad to have met your acquaintance, Mr Accidental Author and I look forward to our meeting every Friday.


Jan Lim
February 18, 2005

Subject: wat a laugh

hi mr brown

a very interesting article indeed on todays paper today!  Life is getting scary, Mummy........

though its funny, but the scary thing is its nothing but the truth.  Keep your articles coming and i hope us sporeans will recognise the parodoxical irony of it.


Regards
Linda Neo
February 18, 2005

TODAY Reader Mail: Feeling marginalised in own country

I enjoyed reading mr brown's "Life is getting scary, Mummy" (Feb 18).

It was very funny. But the underlying issue — the "threat" posed by foreign talents — is not.

As a parent of two teenaged children, I am not particularly bothered if my children do not top their class, losing out to a foreign talent. Neither would I be upset if they lost, say, their badminton match to another foreign talent.

However, I am concerned if they are denied access to a good school or university. I fear that this is already the case in Singapore.

When the Government announced it would set up a Conservatory of Music at the National University of Singapore (now known as the Yong Siew Toh Conservatory of Music), I was very pleased.

My thought then was that Singapore would finally have its own conservatory offering formal music education at tertiary level.

This would enable local students less academically inclined, but with a passion for music, to pursue their interest.

Later, I read a report about the make-up of the first student intake. I noticed a significant percentage were foreigners.

I can appreciate the need to attract the best talent into Singapore. I can also appreciate the argument that entry into the Conservatory is by merit. However, it is disturbing if Singaporeans are denied entry in the process.

It is fine if our children have many conservatories in Singapore to choose from. But we have only one and its intake is small.

I consider myself a patriotic Singaporean. However, I can't help feeling that sometimes, as a Singaporean, I am marginalised, all in the name of attracting the best talent.

I now wait to see how the proposed Arts School will shape up — and if foreign talents make up the bulk of its students.

Haslinda Shamsudin

Reader response to "Massive earthquake: our holiday can get refund or not"

Here's a reader's view on my previous post on the holiday refund response from some Singaporeans.


From Kate:

Subject: in response to :" Massive earthquake: our holiday can get refund or not"

Dear Mr Lee,

Kindly also refer also to
Sri Lanka struggles to distribute aid (ST)

and also
Indonesia struggles to bury dead (CNN)

The intelligent and responsible way to help is not to throw money at the problem at hand, but to work with authorities to coordinate efforts. It has been reported that S'pore is also sending military personnel, who will lend their planning expertise to the operation. I'm sure that is important as well. There are reports of helpers who have fled from scenes of destruction, and someone needs to make sure the right people are sent to the appropriate places. Right now there are many areas which need the money and food, etc. Surely sometime is needed for this kind of logistics planning?

I think it is the quality of the help that is important, not just the dollar amount. S'poreans have also been very generous as citizens, and we are all trying to help as much as we can. Afterall, these are our neighbours, and our country has close links that go way back with all these countries. Rest assured that more money will be contributed to the sites that need them, after the needs have been ascertained. It's not just S'pore that is ascertaining the situation, the US is as well.

I hope that you can provide balanced reporting of S'poreans' reactions, and not just the handful of people who complained about refunds. You might as well base your perception of ALL westerners on the couple which is planning to conduct their wedding on Phuket, alongside the funerals which will take place. Sounds unfair? Then please do not judge Singapore based on a few examples of callousness.

Sincerely,

Kate

Relaxing Down Under reader email

A letter to TODAY on the column, Roughing it Down Under

Subject: Mr Brown - Relaxing Down Under

Dear Mr Brown,

Yes, PCs are more expensive Down Under. You can  get state-of-the-art ones from Sim Lim Square at a fraction of the cost. But what surprises people is that my home computers are newer & faster than the one my husband uses in office & he's in the IT line. Perhaps, if you are prepared to pay more at privately run internet cafes in the city fringe, you could get speedier internet access.

You don't get much Singapore news - mainly Australia, US and sometimes China, Indonesia. Our tiny tropical island occasionally catches Aussie attention only when Singapore leaders made remarks which Australians take offence or when Mr HL Lee took over the premiership. The only means of getting connected with Singapore is via excerpts of news update in asiaone.com or todayonline.com and belated hard copy Straits Times.

Cars are cheap. Even Japanese imports are affordable at about half the price sold in Singapore. Of course, being a pragmatic Singaporean, I chose to buy a Toyota assembled in Melbourne. You get the latest Japanese design & technology at a much lower price.

Nevertheless, driving is not a breeze, made worse by heavy traffic fines.

My strong suspicion shared by many Aussies & Singaporean friends, is that traffic police have this sadistic streak - they go all out to chalk up traffic fines to score points. Some things are universal like raising revenue for the state supposedly to pay the better welfare & public services. The authorities also argue it's a means of deterring "dangerous" drivers who exceed the 60 km/hr limit on major roads by a mere 5 km/hr.

It's a challenge trying to alter your speed from 70 km/hr on an expressway & brake suddenly when entering into a school zone of strictly 40 km/hr during certain times of the day. Yes, look out for speed signs & check your watch while driving to be safe driver!

Singapore fried noodles (bee hoon fried with curry powder!), Hokkien fried rice (rice hor fun style), laksa in thin curry flavoured gravy without polygonum leaves, are all concoctions of Chinese/Asian chefs (not Singaporean I hope) in western countries. Incidentally, my Thai friend who owns a restaurant in Canada offers Singapore fried noodles on the menu too.

The wildly changing weather is a topic of serious discussion or small talk.

We talk about the weather all the time. For every change in season entails changing the wardrobe, linen, garden landscape, electrical appliances, etc. It makes life more interesting.

For most Singaporeans, being close to nature & wildlife may be a nuisance rather than an enjoyment. The chirping & sights of colourful birds, smell of roses and lavendar in your own garden could be marred by the destructive work of cockatoos & possums. We have learnt to live with nature & deal with it in our stride.

Shopping centres don't just cater for the elderly and disabled people. For the able-bodied keen shoppers, there are lots of sofas & benches to rest your feet. Don't expect to see these in Orchard Road or even town centre shopping centres as evey inch of space counts & would be rented out as kiosks to aspiring entrepreneurs.

However, do not despair. There are many things we take for granted in Singapore such as speedy efficiency & convenient public transport that are often a rarity Down Under. Singapore is trying to close some of the gaps by introducing policies conducive for family & a better lifestyle. Hopefully these are sustainable & get better each year. Meanwhile, sit back & relax.


Regards,
C

Pencil Marks email

Subject: RE: PENCIL MARKS ON THE WALL

Hi Mr Brown,

Just want to let you know that I am very touched by this article.

Do keep me update on the development of Faith through your regular contribution. I look forward to the day that she can reach the next milestone charted for her.

Thank you.

Rgds,
"S"
A mother of two boys aged 5 and 4

Reader Mail: Department stores should not play profane, raunchy songs

Department stores should not play profane, raunchy songs

Thank you, mr brown, for your article, "Poetry with swear words" (Oct 22). It gives me the opportunity to raise an issue that has been troubling me.

I do think there should be a body that can assert control over the profane and raunchy music being played publicly in department stores and other public areas, where shoppers are assaulted by a barrage of expletives while trying to pick out a gift for a child's birthday or toiletries for the family.

Stores should have some respect for shoppers who may not share their liberal views on music. I have had to leave a store because of the foul lyrics coming over the PA system and have written in to complain.

Yet, I find such vulgar music becoming the norm in many shops, especially smaller outlets.

I hope the larger, more reputable stores will look into the music they play, so that we need not worry about the music's impact on teenagers and young children who patronise these outlets.

I have become so paranoid about all this rap and hip-hop music, that I was overwrought when I heard a similar noise coming from my son's room recently — only to discover, with much relief, that it was only a funny ditty about a toothbrush!

Jerusha Devan

Reader Mail: Is it time to adopt Singapore Fried Noodles?

Is it time to adopt S'pore fried noodles?

I must agree with mr brown's profound discovery of "Singapore fried noodles" while in Australia.

I, too, have spotted "Singapore fried noodles" in the United States and the United Kingdom.

I was confused when I stopped to ask for directions in Northolt, UK, and a young lad who helped me said: "My most-loved food is Singapore fried noodles, do you like it too?"

I didn't know what to say — it felt foolish to admit I'd never heard of it.

How, and where, did "Singapore fried noodles" originate? Maybe if we adopt the recipe, it'll save us the humiliation when abroad of not knowing our "own" dish.

Giving the excuse that it is not a Singaporean dish would be odd, for it is a favourite in many countries…

Tracy Breneman

A reader leaves Singapore

A very nice letter to TODAY from Cecile, a foreigner leaving Singapore. Getting letters like this one always make my day, and reminds me of the reason I write.

Excerpt:

I would like to mention that I have been very satisfied with your newspaper: interesting articles on both Singapore and the outside world. Starting my day before going to the office with TODAY and a good cup of coffee was rewarding.

I loved reading the letters' section: I don't always agree with TODAY's readers, but it certainly is an eye opener on Singapore  Please pass on my congratulations to your contributors: I enjoy reading Neil Humphreys' column. As for Rohit Brij nath, I always skip the sports pages in any newspaper; but believe it or not, he succeeded in interesting me into reading detailed account of cricket or golf tournaments (actual sports I never watched in my life, less even played), thanks to his excellent writing skills.

But I must admit that Mr Brown is my favourite: his great sense of humour combined with his human sensitivity makes me crave for your Friday edition. I hope little Faith will one day grow into  a beautiful young lady, finding her place in a society which is not always kind to different people. I am lucky to have two 'normal' young kids and I hope to educate them to accept others' differences.

Finally, I would like to thank the delivery boy who comes every morning at 5.30am. Must not be easy to get up so early, just to make sure I have TODAY in time for my cup of coffee.

A letter to Mr Brown regarding his Orange Fish

A very special email from a reader, I thought of sharing with all of you. Beautifully capturing my feelings on the matter.
(reprinted with permission)

-------------

Dear Mr Brown,

I read your commentary in this morning's edition of Today of the 'plight' of your Orange Fish.

Let me share with you a similar incident I experience with my own little star.

I decided to enrol Lucas, my 7-year-old son who has autism, in the Very Special Arts camp held in June this year. At the end of the 3-day camp, the various groups put up performances in the concert. As Lucas' group spilled onto stage to begin their dance, Lucas, who is fascinated by the stage lights & speakers, immediately went to the front centre of the stage and started laughing and clapping. Every parent on the floor was of course looking out for their child and they began waving and cheering. My politician-to-be little boy immediately waved back at all of them.

He took centrestage literally, as the rest of his group mates danced behind and around him. Kind of reminded me of the old Indian movies where the actors danced around the trees.

I'm sure that many of the other parents there that day would not remember him by now, as being parents that we are, we search for our own little stars, often paying very little attention to the others around. But to me, Lucas was THE STAR - my star.

Lucas attends a regular day care centre in the mornings before going to special school in the afternoon, and has been there for the past 4 years. This year will be his last. He progresses year-on-year with his classmates, so while academically, he is at nursery level, officially, he is in Kindergarten 2. His classmates are younger than him by an average of 2 years.

Each year, the centre puts up its year-end concert. Each year, I get emotionally overwhelmed when I watch him on stage. One year, he was a carrot. On another, he became a stingray. I wonder what he will be this year. His classmates would have been 'tasked' beforehand to make sure he keeps up with the group.

On a daily basis, I have witnessed the care and assistance many of his friends at day care have extended to Lucas. The principal and teachers at Milk & Honey have done a fabulous job in instilling the value of respect in their pupils. I'm hopeful that they will grow up with the right attitude towards people with special needs and spread it to the other people they come into contact with.

So perhaps it's not about a CD-Rom or a website or any other detached forms of 'learning', but opportunities to interact with these exceptional people. In their own way, they can teach many things that a school syllabus or a textbook can't.

As for Faith, I think she is more than just a sweet little girl in a fish costume. As a 'fish out of the water', she has the incredible ability to survive in uncertain (and often unkind) environments.

Let's see if the rest can do as well as people like Lucas and Faith.

Yours sincerely
Sharon Lee

From the Mailbag 7 Apr 2004

From Tan KH

Nice to read Browntown again

Hey there Didn't think Browntown was still alive! Didn't check-in for like 2-3 years man. Nice to see that you've responsibly procreated. Congrats! Browntown is one of the earliest blogs that I can remember.

Warm regards

On the TODAY Column Express Stream to the World Cup

From Grace

Couldn't help laughing when reading your column today. You really hit the nail on the head.

Keep it up!
Grace

P.S. You should put all your articles into a book. It would make a great Singapore souvenir.



From Viz

Yo Brown!

(I gave Friday's TODAY a missed because I thought you had moved to WEEKEND edition! But guess I think it is now safe to return to "Tekong")

Anyway, just like to comment that the article, Express Stream to the World Cup, is just fabulous. Head on and definitely hit the many nerves of the various conditions. Totally agree with your perspectives!

But oh, by the way, did you inject that sense of "anger" or am I imagining things? Hahah.

Chill.



On the TODAY Column The Great Tekong Manhunt

From Jen

Dear Mr Brown,

It was another dreary saturday morning, and after all the usual bad news on Straits Times, I switch on my internet for emails. Usually, I will automatically trash all the Today's newsletter (frankly because I seem to have some problem trying to set myself on the remove list...so, it just delivers itself to my mailbox everyday ....well, that is another story) but I chosed to glance at the newsletter today and I was in stiches the next 5 minutes. I am now awake for sure.

Nothing to say, except thank you for your wit and lighthearted slant on the issue. Your article sure lit up this saturday morning for me.

Cheers
Jen



From Yang

Loved the article. It was hilarious. Singapore needs more writers like that with a sense of humour



From David

Bravo.... I enjoy your commentary on the Tekong Island. I read 3 times, repeated. Any webpage to refer ? or collection ? The more I read... The more I can become addicted. Thanks.



From Lean

Subject: Error in article in Weekend (March 27/28) issue

Hi,

I'm writing to point out an error in the article titled "The Great Tekong Manhunt" in the weekend issue (March 27/28 2004) of the Today paper. This article was contributed by Mr. Brown.

Overall, the article was fun to read. However, while the writer made fun of the lack of geographical knowledge on the part of the 3 Indonesian robbers, little did he realize that he was exhibiting a lack of history knowledge or a lack of just plain general knowledge.

I'm referring to the opening paragraph that attempted to poke fun at Arnold Swarzzenegher (spelling??). Mayor of California? Hello? There is no such office on this planet as mayor of California. It's governor - as in GOVERNOR - of California. The head-of-state of every american state is called the governor. The head-of-state of an American city is called mayor.
Get it? As in mayor of New York Ctiy, mayor of San Francisco, etc. But governor of New York state and Governor of California state.

Ok, enough education for today. Ok, i shouldn't be so hush. But i thought it's so funny that the writer is commenting on lack of geographical knowledge on the part of the 3 robbers, while he exhibited a lack of knowledge of such basic general knowledge. It's just funny. :) No offence. It's something that you all can remember from now on.

Have a nice day.



From Josephine

Dear Mr Brown

Thot I let you know that I enjoy reading your articles in TODAY newspaper, especially The Great Tekong Manhunt .....just can't help laughing to myself whenever I think of the article ! ....so funny !

Have a Nice Day!

Regards,
Josephine



On the TODAY Column Responsible Breeding?

From Mrs G

Dear mr brown,

Read your article and felt like writing to tell you it really struck a cord with us.

We also have an older boy diagnosed with ASD, but with us we had the second one before we found out about it. Certainly we "treat every milestone the second reaches with relief and every milestone the older reaches with inappropriate joy."!

We are glad to share that all the therapies "worked" on our boy, but none more effective than his persistent little brother's constant bugging him to play, to make belief, to "talk", and to come out of his world to live. He is now in regular Primary 1, and with some struggles doing really fine. Still beware of the younger child, whom we "unconsciously neglected", like when he asks why does brother have special classes, and not me? He feels sense of not being as important which we are trying to deal with.

But definitely they have "made our worlds bigger than the sum of our selfish individual hearts." They have really enabled us to live "hard", to stretch ourselves in every way and live in every moment. May you enjoy unparalelled living and joy too.



From Noreen

Dear Mr. Brown,

Regarding your commentary, "Responsible Breeding" for the March 12 issue of Today newspaper, wonderful article! Please send me your website address which documents 'the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997'.

Thank you.



From Deborah

Great work on your site! I've been following your SNE series for a couple of years, as well as your musings in TODAY, and I really enjoy your honest and often refreshing take on things. Your column 'Responsible Breeding?' was especially poignant and so touching - and also cut right through a certain MP's comments about duty and responsibility...



From Eric

HUGS*
Hi Mr Brown,

I don't know how to write this, but I'll try anyhow.

A couple of years ago I had a brief stint giving tuition. I had my fair share of little monsters but there was one child who was different. And going to his place to give him tuition was actually something I looked forward to every week. I have had frequent quarrels with my then girlfriend and was walking around all the time with the proverbial dark cloud over my
head and no matter how I felt that day, I always looked forward to seeing him at tution. He is now in Sec 1, and according to his mother, he was autistic when he was younger. But it never stopped him from being the sunshine he was to me and no doubt to his family as well. When I had to stop giving him tuition, I didn't have the heart to tell him cuz over the few
months I was tutoring him, I developed a real relationship with him. Sure, he didn't do his homework sometimes. Sure, he forgets things I've just taught him. But somehow, his vulnerability.. innocence.. willingness to trust.. it all endeared him to me greatly. And the last thing I told his mother was that she must be really proud to have a son like him.

And Faith must be so lucky to have parents like you and your wife. And I know you'll one day be proud of her because of the the lives she'll touch as well.

I don't pray alot, but here's keeping you and your family in prayers and thoughts.

God Bless,
Eric



From Isaiah

Dear Mr. Brown, or can I call you Mr. Lee, or even Kin Mun?

I don't usually have the fortune to get a copy of Today on my way to work, so I resort many a times to reach the website once I reach home and have a read at your articles. Don't ask me why I can't get my hands on a copy though I am usually at the MRT station latest by 8 am...

Anyway, I just read your article on having kids - "Responsible breeding?", and I must say that I was very touched by your and your wife's love for your children, especially your daughter. Somehow reading that brought some lubrication to my eyes... :) I must say that it was indeed moving!

I am a married man myself (been married 6 years and I am in my early 30s), but have not had the fortune of having children. I do wish that, one day, God willing, my wife and I shall have at least one of our own.

Keep up the good stuff!!! They never fail to lighten up the end of a long day at the office! :)

God bless you and your family. My prayers are with you all.

Regards,
Isaiah



On the TODAY Column For More Babies Send Women to NS.

From Pandiyan

I had a good laugh at mr brown's piece entitled "For more babies send women to NS". very witty and thought provoking!

my regards to mr brown!



From Ez

Hi Mister Brown,

it's me again. Writing to you after a long hiatus. Glad to hear MOE unblocked your site, but could you just go and nag MHA (Home Affairs) for being a little slow because they have blocked your site as well....The miscreants. They don't know any better.

Loved your article, as usual, hilarious as monkey-pants and I was lucky as I took one of the last 10 copies of Today that was left at the MRT station. It's never enough, I tell you. Online is one thing...it may be there, but I'm like one of those people - I like my newspaper on my desk where I can touch it, feel it, hear the sound of its papers crimpling as I turn the page. It's like eating steak; if the juices and blood don't immediately ooze out after my first cut, it's overcooked.

I placed your article on my blog. (http://www.bitchbert.blogspot.com) And by the way, you have 2 kids? Still below national average of 2.1, pal. Hahahahaha....how are you gonna make up for the 0.1 deficit? Stem cell contribution? Geez. this baby saga is getting out of hand. I am so not pleased that at a mere 22, I'm getting hounded by the grandmas and grandpas at MCDS's SDU....free membership some more. Yeah right; like I'm going to open my baby factory for that.

Not that I sleep around; I fall into neither of your categoies (a -e) -- c/f your article today. I'm not even practising sex before marriage either. But hold the presses, I'll get married, have sex and have babies when I want to. Not at the current package of maternity leave, baby bonuses, etc etc. Maybe if you'll throw in paid-for confinement nurses, maids, a culture where women stay at home, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen and promote it as a glorious noteworthy position to be in....maybe, baby.

Ez



From Lille
Dear Mr Brown

I think you should thank MOE for banning your site. The hype that caused by the ban has led more people to learn of your website and I am one of them. See how blessing work in disguised.

I so thoroughly enjoyed your every article and can't stop LOL at them. I think you truely represent the typical Singaporeans' perspective on the local issues.

Keep the articles coming!



From Angie

Dear Mr Brown

Excellent piece of writing.

You tickled my toes -creative, awesome satire and wit -just mind and heart blowing.

Well written piece that reflects on reality without forgiving our simplistic manner to resolve problems.

Mockery is at its best too when you compare the state of the zoo keepers and the animals.

Commendable effort in the way words have found new meanings in your comment about our government's pathetic aspiration to make more babies.

Kudos....Ever thought of becoming a politician????!!!!



From Aaron

Dear Mr Brown,

with the hotmail account, I added the singapore consulate in new york on my MSN Instant messenger.. I think you should ask your readers to do the same...



On the TODAY Column AngMoh-nising of the Singapore Man

From Peter

Hi "Mr Brown",

I'm a former AngMoh expat.

I friend sent me your article which I enjoyed based on my own experience in that wonderful country.

You mention in the footnote that you have website, please would you send the address.

Peter.



From the "For the Last Time, I am not Freakin' Tony Brown" Department

From kellie
hi, were u on made?



From Sugarandspice6
heyy, i am a girl who is watching ur show....made, i thought u were hot the 1st time i saw u, i wish u didnt change......i luv ur website
xoxo

From the Mailbag 22 Mar 2004

On the TODAY column, Responsible Breeding

From Ivan

Hello Mr Brown.

Nice work on the column and the site. You might be interested to know that perhaps the PAP may be reading up on Ceausescu’s policies in communist Romania.
Best regards, ~Ivan

From Faith

hi there,
wow, your sharing about Faith really gave me a jolt. It was honest and poignant, and most of all i admire you and your wife’s determination and love. its a rare moment for me to read about the joys of parenthood without being inundated with sly hints of “when is it your turn” and blatantly exaggerated exhortations of how perfect parenthood is.

and love that pic of your two kids lying together. so cute!

/faith =)

From Faith

oh wow....
i’m really speechless, but i still managed to write this
(Monday March 15, 2004 entry)

From Francis

I am just so impressed by how you weave two unrelated stories into one, not forgetting all the sarcasm and wit in them. dont stop weaving!

From Alex

“Mr. Brown”, Just to let you know that I enjoy your writings on TODAY very
much. Thought of publishing your articles into a book? Neil Humphrey seems
to enjoy some success there... Thank you for giving us the best refreshment
for the start of day... / Best Regards, AL

From Peter

With the latest govt concerns about making babies, they should ban the sale of condoms and all other forms of contraceptives just like they did with the chewing gum. Make abortions illegal. Encourage teenagers to explore their sexuality.
THEN, we’ll have a baby boom like they’ve never seen before ... and possibly
uncover some “unfaithful spouses” in the process... good huh? evil grin

From James

i happen to be one who has decided, after all these years, to write, but believe me, i’ve got many frens who also think you are doing a great job. just received an email from a fren who has this to say about your peice today: ‘Felt very touched as well reading this.”.

i think many of us wish we have the courage, not to mention the kind of penmanship and wit, to speak up like you do.

so, do keep up the great work you are doing =)
blessings, jl

From James

for the 1st time after following your musings all these years, you
brought tears to my eyes. will be remembering Faith, and thanks for making
me smile, and think, in that order =) jl

Other Mail

From Polly

Hi Mr Brown aka Lee (right?)

Today, I finally took the trouble to find your website (just took a quick glance), but I have been reading your articles in Today, and even emailed the online version to my friends sometimes - they ought to know other perspectives on current local issues.

I know you have many fans already, but still, I want to tell you to please keep writing. Your articles kind of represent the dissenting voices which some of us don't have, or don't care to voice out or feel that it•s no use voicing out, since we expect that nothing much (if any) would change. In any case, I always get a giggle or laugh out loud in front of my computer while reading your articles in Today.

Thank you and do keep the laughs coming. Even if one day your articles stop being funny, I would still enjoy the satire. :) Oh, must also thank Today for featuring you.

Cheers. Polly

From Errol

Hey Mr. Brown...

Here1s a shout out to you from one of your avid readers... been a fan of your SNE1s from waaaay back..(started with SNE30 something I think!) ... and they never fail to have me in stitches.... Anyway since your SNE is abt to hit the big century mark, I thought maybe you should produce a hardcopy 3SNE : 1997 -2004 (Volumes 1 - 100)2 ... you could even hawk it down at City Hall MRT with JBJ and have the cops come and chase you away ... just for kicks...

So don't stop writing!

e.

From AS

Hey dude,

Congrats on your new found fame for your timely and well-deserved bans =) plus the increasing popularity due to your Today column. My senses tell me that soon you could be the William Hung of Singapore =) He bangs, so can u. Anyway i was just thinking that your latest SNE 96 is the most daring and outrageous ever. Man you are really treading on dangerous waters dude. No one talks of Him like that. Yeah so take care and please please update more often.

Cheers, AS

From Gabriel

"That one PE teacher can take 30 rowdy, ill-disciplined primary school kids for a run around the neighbourhood but for an army officer to take 30 combat ready army men for a run, it takes a supervising officer, a conducting officer, a medic and a safety vehicle."

Actually, you need a Safety Officer too. And a water point.

From Chiang Seng Chang

from a true "pink" (ic) singapore chinese helicopter working in boston.

your site kept me more up to date about home than zaoba... (hit backspace frantically...) your site kept me more up to date about the really "important" issues at home than zaobao.com or any of those under asia1.com could ever do. i could only (selfishly) ask for more... but i know how its like to juggle among work, family and hobbies (writing, ps2, gba, etc). keep up the good work.

From Marv

Hi Brown,

Got introduced to ur site last year. Its gd to read alternative comments which really does allow widening of our perspectives. I find myself agreeing to some of the comments posted in ur site, though not all. However, ur site is on the whole... refreshing. Keep up the gd work!

People should be free to select what they want to read so long as its not morally unethical. So if governmental agencies ban ur site, let them! I'll still support u! I really dislike the practise of banning or indirectly controlling channels that allow people to voice out their views.

Talk abt opening Sg up! Or even open-minded, modern, thinking Singaporeans!

Most of us are educated/sensible enough to differentiate what is good or bad for us, what is too extreme for our society to handle and what is acceptable.

So to the people/ organisation behind the moves to ban/ indirectly control people•s freedom to express their views, pls think twice b4 doing it. It really is a form of suppression which might have negative impact on Sg in future.

From Jason

Hi Kin Mun,

It's been a couple of years since I last wrote and glad to know that your site is still going strong. Also must say that your kids are really cute!

From LJ

Hi Mr. Brown. Enjoyed your SNE series. However, I would like to point out in SNE 96, on the following point:

"25. That there are people going around asking how many ministers does it take to talk to one pilot union. One Senior Minister, one Manpower Minister, one Transport Minister, and one Minister of State-cum-NTUC Chief-cum-SIA Director. Why? The

SIA management themselves not free, issit?"

Uhm.. I thought the group of people you listed IS the SIA management?

From mandy gory

hi Mr Brown, had to e mail you and say what a great site you have!! keep it up

mandy, isle of man uk

From the Mailbag 1 March 2004

From BH

Have not read your site for a while. SNE 95 is a gem!

Bloody shame you came in second in the 2003 awards man. I actually read the blog of the first place winner xiaxue, and the only reason I can think of that you lost was a fan mail base of teenagers who took a liking to her picture.

Sure she was 'open' with her commentary about blowjobs and anal sex, but not nearly as funny as the social commentary you do.

Keep it up man, 'old' geezers like me still supporting you.

Rgds,

BH

From mother of 2

Hey there,

Your website and writing are just too funny!

Love the pics of the babies and family... have 2 myself.. are you going to be a good model citiizen and up the population by adding and third and fourth? What about a fifth? Might as well go all the way and have a whole football team, though the missus might not be too keen to go through all that so many times over.

Kena banned by MOE? Must try that from school. I guess it might be all the wonderful "language" and insinuations found in your website. Children are not very discerning you know, and sigh, we must not lead our young astray with tongue-in-cheek comments that they might take as examinable content and swallow hook, line and sinker.

Just a question... well, more like just to point out something... You obviously don't update everything when you do an update, because you have things labelled "new" when they are like from May 2003... new meh? More like rancid already.An example is your straits times interview over SARS... May 4th 2003 leh... somemore new.... even the word "new" is ashamed to be there and is blushing bright red!

OK, give the babies a hug from me, and keep writing!

mommy of 2

p.s you should write some funny stuff on what your kiddos do... Lots of great material there! They might not appreciate it when they grow older, but for now, shoot! (Haha, I so totally identified with the baby boy and their fireman acts thing... *grin*) What till your girl starts getting curious and asking why she hasn't got the same parts as didi...

From CW

I send my thanks again again

Hi,

The previous two mail was for fun. I still would like to thank you for opening my eyes.

From CW

I send my thanks again

Hi,

I write to thank you for converting me from a human to a person.

From CW

I send my thanks

Hi,

I write to thank you for converting me from a drone to a human.

On the Lifting of "The Ban"

From Yeo JY

Well done!

Congratulations on the lifting of the ban on ur website! I am an avid fan of ur Friday columns for TODAY. Thought I'll juz pop a mail to tell u that u have been doing a great job!

Regards.

From Ack Vert (Again)

Stop trying to mislead the readers. Your site hasn't been "unbanned" my MOE; it was NEVER banned in the first place. Can't believe you've been trying to convince people of how cool and rebellious your site is. LOSER!

From Chris

Your site is no longer banned by MOE!

Shame on you. Ha ha.

And its all thanks to me! Don't laugh cos I can prove I was the one who got you off the hall of fame ok!

i complained.. haha. I quote myself:

"it is a website containing singapore humor and jokes. as a civics tutor and a qualified english teacher, i appreciate this website for its high standard of english and intellectual humor. its light hearted delivery also makes it a good resource for national education."

I now proclaim myself the kind of talking cock.

From Chris

I mean KING of talking cock. HA!

On my TODAY article: Stemming the Rot

From J Tan

Yo Mr. Brown...

Ur articles never fail to bring laughters to me every friday morning (ok i must admit, i get tickled easily.. haha..)

just a question though... hmm.. u intending to do a Neil-Humphreys, i.e., publish your own book?

From Jean

'mr brown" rocks !!!

Hi "Mr Brown"

shame on the government & singaporeans alike,if at times they cant take some honest criticism in a humourous but true context !

i love reading your column ... i only wish there were more openminded and daring journalist out there to challenge some of the petty regulations that comes out fm time to time: the most recent of course, paying for the window replacement inspection fees.( i read your article on this today,its so funny and true!!!)

hope u keep up coming up with more of that great writing flair of yours ..looking forward to more articles. 

cheers!

On my TODAY article: Time to Fly the Coop

From opl

you rock!

hi hi

your column ("Time to Fly the Coop") in today's today really rocked! how long did it take you to write it?

From Sean

Time to fly the Coop

Hello, Mr Brown

Well done for the article in Today!

Wonder if you could archive all your articles in your web site or Today holds the copyright to it?

From TA

Subject: FW: Time to fly the Coop?...Must Read!

Guess what's making the rounds in my office. You're a celebman! K time to set up the autograph booth. What's next? Maybe now u can flog products for

Marie France and Expressions! ;-)

From the Mailbag 11 Feb 2004

From Tony M. Brown

That's pretty wild that your site was banned by the Ministry of Education. Gotta love Internet censorship!

From Christon

Banned from Nanyang Poly!

Guess what!

MOE is not the only thing to ban your site. Nanyang Polytechnic has also banned your site (now, i'm not sure if Nanyang Poly is under MOE, but the error screen sure is different!) Talkingcock.com can't be accessed here either. Congratz on being banned by Nanyang Poly too! Love your site, man! Keep it going!

From Gideon

Congratulations! Your weekly column with Todayonline.com is great and hillarious. These days i save every issue of your weekly column in PDF format in a folder known as "important files". he he..

From Shifa

hi mr brown,

first of all, thanks for all the wonderful insights and perspectives you provide in your articles and columns. i once stumbled upon your column in TODAY, and decided to check our your website. To my pleasant surprise, its is indeed a website worth visiting again and again.. simply love your S.N.E sections.. really cracked me up!! thanks man!!

thanks once again. Rock on!

From Ryan

Hello! Glad you had updated your site and SNE 93! Nice pics of the kids, the boy is starting to look like you *horrors* :P

From Krysania

Dear Mr Brown,

While browsing the list of contenders for the "Best Singapore Blogs" (more like "Most Voted Singapore Blog"), I almost despaired for Singaporeans' definition of good writing until I came upon your hilarious musings, and then followed through to your equally entertaining Christmas article in TODAY.

From JL

Hey Brown

Dun bother about that letter from "Mr T"! He's entitled to his two cents' worth comment as you are also entitled to yours. While he may not agree with what you wrote but I fully agree with them!

If someone has done nothing wrong, why would he be afraid of what's written? The truth will outlast the rumours, unless...(u know what) Keep up the good work Brown, you'll have my support always! And late congrates to you being a father again!

From Ally Ross (Sigh)

is this Tony Brown from that TV show MADE?? Yea...if this is Tony Brown from the show MADE...which I am watching now...ummmmm dont dance..thats just a little "LADIES MAN" tip..okay..but other wise..ur cute..peace.

From LilNike (Sigh)

yo do u no anyway i can get vb tat works or any where i can it from i seen u on mtv ur a cool kinda guy thxs email me bak

From the Mailbag 3 Feb 2004

From Ack Vert (Again)

SNE

Hey You latest SNE (Feb 3) is super lame man. Hardly funny at all. And do you really think that your website was blocked by MOE? Please, don't flatter yourself. Any idiot can see that the screen shot you posted on the website looks so fake. Try harder next time..

The screenshot is real, I assure you. It was taken by someone who had to be taught how to print-screen, and who would not know how to doctor an image even if his life depended on it. I did not mess with it either (except to reduce it from the original 3.1mb bmp file to its current smaller jpeg form), because there would be no point. Anyone would have verified its authenticity very easily by trying to access the site from within the MOE network himself.

Oh, I will certainly continue to strive to be less lame in future. Thank you for your constructive feedback. -brown

From Mr Jiggy

What I think about your site

Dear Mr. Brown, I think you used to be a fun-loving guy who somehow turned cynical and sarcastic, and that's cool. You seem to enjoy sticking it to the Gahmen and frankly they deserve it.

If the Gahmen handed out CASH to people who need it the most rather than giving it to their own Gahmen-owned corporations by way of "grants", maybe Sporians won't be so disgruntled all the time about not having enough money. I mean, really, WTF is an ERS?

Slick Jiggy G

From Eugene

Regarding Singapore Airspace

Hi Sir, I would like to enquire whether can I fly a UAV in Singapore airspace. Is there any license for me to first obtain in order to fly my self-construct UAV in Singapore. Your comments and help are greatly appreciated.

I assume you mean Unmanned Aerial Vehicle when you say UAV? I think you need to ask the authorities on this one, not me.

If your UAV is the kind that flies into Iraq carrying Maverick Hellfire II missiles (I stand corrected, Riverdance), then I think you definitely need a licence.

If yours is the Radio Controlled Airplane kind (a.k.a. very expensive flying toy), I think you will still need a licence, but no need for clearance from Mindef.

However if your UAV is like mine, better known as a Kite, then you can fly it at places like Marina South without a permit. -brown

MORE Emails on my Ministry of Education Ban

From Mr Say F T

SNE Banned by MOE

Oi Mr Brown, I would like to congratulation you on loo eh site kena banned by MOE.

Beh sai everyday talk about non-confrontational maverick one. This is year of the Monkey, so all those monkeys in skuu are expected to be non-confrontational maverick monkeys. Oso hor, nowsadays chewrens sit in throo throo thrain is be got no times to be reading alternative viewpoints one. All the cheechers driving the trains also is be gots no businesses reading your website lar.

If you is be want to talk about confrontational stuff, why you dowan to write about issues like pokemon and WWE har? Who will win the Ultimate Trainer/Warrior tile leh?

Nowsadays hor, we all is be shortages of babies. If we is be eveliday read your site about stalkers and gay foreign workers, where got mood to make babies har?

Wah lau eh, this types of things also I must tell you one meh?

Say Fei Tzai Model Citizen

From Chris

MOE ban

congratulations on the MOE ban! ;D does it have anything to do with putting up a link to the RJC video sometime back? bless chris

From viz

way to go MOE

Hi brown, Way to go !!! I've always enjoyed your style of writing the dysfunctional side of Singapore.. great humour with a twist. Guess by banning your site (by MOE) , they just increased your site's hit exponentially. Keep it going man!

From the Mailbag 30 Jan 2004

Emails on my Ministry of Education Ban

From Eric

Congrats !

First up, let me just tell you that I had the greatest scare reading in Today that you site was firewalled. Went quickly to check if it was indeed true and was damn relieved (though I felt a little cheated) that I could still access it ! Hah! By banning your site, those idiots at MOE have just made you a HERO ! WAy To GO !!!!

Talkingcock cannot fight with Browntown lar. maybe MOE didn't consider them a threat, that's why never ban. hahaha.

again, WAY TO GO ! steady lar, mr brown.

From LV

Congratulations on your recognition from MOE This being the net, I would ask a friend who works in MOE to verify it first.

But I just can't wait so congratulations to you for the well deserved recognition.

From mc

congrats hey mrbrown, CONGRATS on making MOE's 'blacklist'!!! cheers

Someone who took this this article too seriously.

From Kristopher

Psychiatry Document

Mr. Brown,

I am interested in the document stated in the subject. send me moreinformation on said subject along with whatever else may be available. thanks.

From Kristopher

Psychiatry Degree Send Info to Buy

willing to pay for degree and other things you promise like lab coat amd steth, am very interested need phone number too call

From the Mailbag 26 Dec 2003

From Pierre

have you been on mtv??

From FairyPrincess

Hey were you on mtvs made? (Some readers take a little longer to get the news that I am not Tony Brown from MTV's Made)

From mc

i was in school some years ago when my lecturer put up your site during breaks. have been hooked since then! your site makes my day!

From the Mailbag 18 Dec 2003

From Mr T

Dear Mr. Lee,

I have just come across your website and I find it filled with objectionable thrash, things that I would term as "intellectual pornography". The views that you espouse are views that are parochial and clearly, not much thought went into them. Your persistent and often unfounded criticism of the Singapore government is unwarranted and perhaps reflects your level of maturity (or rather, immaturity). As a member of the esteemed Rafflesian family who is destined to assume stewardship of society, I implore you to stop writing this nonsense that is BrownTown. You are now a father of two children and surely, you must have some sense of responsibility. The written word is a powerful tool. Use it wisely.

That is all for now. I hope that you heed my advice and change for the better. I shall be more than happy to assist you in writing socially responsible articles should you wish to seek my help.

Harvard University
Cambridge, Massachusetts, USA

From mustard

Hi! Just thought I'd drop you a l'il note on your site... basically... GREAT JOB! :P

I've been reading your SNEs for a pretty long time now and figured its about time I thanked you for your efforts, really made my day sometimes... I still remember the first time I saw you "Laser Printer is Down" pic... burst out laughing and my wife came running to see if everything was alright... she probably thought I was mad but hey, its too late, she's married already.

Anyway, thanks for your site. Take care with the job and 2 kiddos.

BTW, up-ped your vote on that blog popularity poll with my singular vote :) Cheers!

From AS

Hi dud(e),
I've been a secret reader cum admirer of your site for bout 3 yrs now, so i guess it's high time i pen the required love letter to you ;). Well i really do get a kick out of your satires especially SNE. Do watch out for the ISD people thou lol. I must say your site is absolutely fabulous poking fun here there and everywhere. But please please do update more frequently k? It's my daily dosage and imagine the disappointment when i check in dec and find the latest update to be in jun (!!!!) =). How bout getting a PDA and blogging wherever and whenever the idea comes to mind? dun look at me. lol PDA and batteries not included.

well do keep up the good work yeah?

From PrataUncle

Hey,
You website is da best site there is man! You kick ass! You da man! You da
man! When you're not writing articles, do come to my prata stall and I'll
cook up something nice for you cos you deserve it! You da Man!

From Ack Vert

What the hell man? Hey Brown, What the hell are you trying to prove by publishing my email on your website. Nabei! I got tell you that the email was meant to be seen by everybody is it? I feel betrayed. I shall now never ever again visit your website! Ever!

P.S. That's the last you will ever hear from me! You can count on that. Can you even count in the first place?

From the Mailbag 9 Dec 2003

From Ack Vert

Hey MrBrown,

Hey, you must be a bloody wanker. You haven't been updating your website regularly you asshole! You think just because you have that column in Today/Streats (whatever crap tabloid you write for), you are now a hotshot writer. Please don't forget your roots ok. It's the readers like us that made you well known by recommending your site to our friends.

P.S. Your latest 2 SNEs were pretty lame. You can do better than that.

(I think he meant SNE 91 and 92 -brown)

From skyzer (in the comments field of popular local blog, Balderdash)

mr brown is a complete piece of shit, the only time his column actually came across as funny was his poking fun at ACSI... So said skyzer on Dec 07 2003, 06:30 pm

From Athos

Dear Sir. I am Athos from Cyprus and I want to import Mr. Brown coffee. Can you help me? Please answer to my email. Regards Athos.

From Shyam

Hello there Kin Mun,

You dont know me (obviously!) , but i just wanted to say "hi" and i am a fan of your website. Plus (actually, more importantly), i wanted to offer you congrats on the birth of your baby boy Isaac last week. He is as cute as red & wrinkly newborns come :) God bless!

Shyam

From Ryan

Hi, Saw the baby picture on ur website, just to say congrats! Going for the third one? :p Looks like you're doing your part to renew the population! Haha! Cheers!

From Joelle

Hi Mr. Brown, Congratulations on the new addition to the family! so now I'll understand if the SNEs a slower to come by! hehehe October's a really great month to be born in! October baby meself, many moons ago Cheers!

From Rong

Hi Mr Lee Congrats to the addition of your new son! =) And he does look like his bigger sister

God bless, Rong

From black

heya Mr Brown, juz wanted to congratulate you on the birth of your second kid. he looks so cute! btw, Isaac and I have the same birthday =p

From Miss Lim

Hi there,

I'm a malaysian born singapore citizen and I've been living in australia since early 2000 (yes, now tagged a 'quitter'). Having witnessed the vast difference in politics and the public's view of politics between the three countries which I have been much priviledged to have lived in, I must say that your website has made a significant impact. While Singaporeans are not allowed to protest (peacefully or otherwise) against the war-hungry american president or its Draconian prime minister, I do believe that your website has contributed to this otherwise sheltered society, opening its mind to more left wing ideas. Thumbs up to your good work.

From Merv

hello,

I would like to congratulate you on your well developed site. I have left Singapore for almost 4 years now and it is interesting to see what's really happening back there from someone else's perspective than the singaporean media.

it's sad to hear all that is really happening back there. well, good luck with your baby and regards.

From BH

Not sure how many fan mails you got. But as a Singaporean studying and maybe working in the states (until hung-cheng gets better back home), your site esp. the national education stuff really makes me feel close to home. Don't have to reply this mail. Just wanted to say thanks for maintaining this site. Sure beats the straitstimes... Brown for president!

Rgds, BH

From Tiffany

i think Issac look simply divine! can we have more pics of him now that he's 1+month already??? cheers! tiffany

From John Reiter

Hello "Mr. Brown",

I am writing you this email to inform you that you have stolen the identity of my friend, Mr. Brown.

Return it post-haste and nothing will happen to neither you nor your family.

Sincerely, John Reiter

From Mike

A highly charged and altogether amusing site. thank you for the laughter during the dull hours doing duty in camp... It hurts to be Singaporean.

ps. i'll just like to add that the said person(s) responsible for causing "improprieties in their internal processes, like record keeping and fitness scores" in 1st Commando Battalion are non-Red Beret personnel. They are support servicemen doing clerical work in the battalion. Hence, for Honour and Glory we still serve.

From the Mailbag 11 Oct 2003

Folks who thought I was nerd-turned-stud Tony Brown of MTV's MADE:

From Angel Moran

is this the Mr. Brown from the Tony Brown MTV Made episode? I really want to know? If not, you probably had this question before, could you help me out?

From Nichole

Hello Hey whats up is this THE REAL TONY from MTV'S MADE? if so write me back. email me at [Email Address Deleted] Gots to ask ya some questions. I heard your IMing in the back ground of the show and/or you can IM me at [IM Address Deleted] bye bye, Nikki hope to here from ya

From Rebecca Parker

Hey! Were you the guy that was on MADE trying to be "the lady's man"? Well, i thought that you were pretty hot. My best advice to you isto keep looking for the right girl. If they turn you down, that's their loss. Don't let people put you down. hold your head high and keep looking.

From ASHLEY RIPP

hi mr brown whats new? u want a good site go to ebaumsworld.com and play incriminati it rocks!
~Ashley~

From GC's riot girl

uhh..hey... Hey um like r u that dude from MADE on MTV? juss curious? cuz if u are ur really hott welp gtg laters
xo~*Anna*~o

From Loganbiker69

yo! hey are u the gut on mtv's made???

From Loganbiker69

hey can u e mail me back sooon!

From CrazyxangelX

are u the guy that was on MTV's show made: i want to be a ladies man?

From Ros

did you use to live in texas????

From JuStYTsBabYCaKe

Hey is this the guy who was on MTV's Made?

Other Emails

From Deborah

Dear Mr Brown, I showed the Neiman Marcus cookie recipe to my mum and we baked the cookies together. They taste great. :)

From youssry

am a vascular surgeon, 21 years of experience, egyptian with MD, MSC, MBBCH, FACA & FICS looking for PHD ,and askink for costs and conditions

From Kenneth

Can I Know more abount the societal change of 'Stayers' and 'Quitters' in Singapore? what are your opinions regarding the reasons foe Singpaoreans leaving Singapore? I hope that you can reply as soon as possible possibly by tomorrow or latest tuesday because i need it urgently for my project. Thank You!

Sorry for any inconivence caused.

By a student doing a project on 'Stayers' and 'Quitters' in Singapore.

From the Mailbag 5 Sept 2001

From Mike G

Quote your front page .. "One final note: for preferential treatment when you arrive at Heathrow airport, announce that you are a member of Shin Fane (an international Jewish peace organization-the "shin" stands for "shalom")..."

Just a quick note to mention that "Shin Fane" are the Irish terrorist organisation responsible for the murder of 1000's of innocent British citizens. Hope you think this is funny. Many parents in the UK wont.I just want to add that this is the funniest statement I have heard for a long time...

Pass no remarks on this poor character. I come from N.Ireland and live and work in England now. Nobody is offended with that joke I assure you as it has been doing the rounds with English comics for ages and has gone down very well. I think that Simon Isaacs has probably never laughed in his poor shallow, misinformed and bigoted life. Ah well, the fun of politics!

P.S. ask him about Bloody Sunday:)

P.P.S. Say hello to you're beautiful wife! Has she any sisters? ;)

Cheers,
Mike

From Joanne

hiya.I have a teacher at my school called Mr Brown and when i looked up a web site from out of curiosity.Your site came up.your site is actually really cool :) i just wanted to tell you that anyway (i'm 13 by the way) and if you can be bothered to reply it would be great cos i get really bored sometimes :)

From Mike W

To whom it may concern, We have just tried to register domain name mrbrown.com and found out that you have already registered it. For our strategic marketing purposes, we would like to know if your domain name is availabe for business ventures. Thank you, Sincerely...

From Miss Cindy

Where can I see and get more information about the "Designer" Sanitary Pad Holder?

From Hagheid

Im so rebellious ... I could scream.... wait a min. Am I just another Oboy turning into a complaintrepreneur... oh no it's started ...dig tha beak........you know ............some day this wars' gonna end aka Clubs of Darkness-- cue Wagner

From Jeanette

Of couse i knw i do this ten wf my handphone.U R so stuip

From the Mailbag 18 Feb 2001

From Ryan Pierce (a true poet indeed -brown)

MR BROWN YOU ARE A F*CKING PIECE OF SHIT WHO SMOKES MONKEY SHIT. YOU SMELL LIKE SOMTHING THAT JUST CRAWLED OUT OF A DEAD 647 POUND DEAD WOMANS P*SSY. I AM TRULY SORRY THAT YOU DONT UNDERSTAND A THING THAT I AM TELLING YOU. BUT IF I MADE IT SO THIS EMAIL COULD BE UNDERSTOOD BY MY DOGS SHIT, THEN IT WOULD SAY

.EXACTLY THAT, NOTHING.

DUMBASS.

WERES A PLANE WHEN YOU NEED TO DESTROY A MR. BROWN TOWN

From Tesco.co.uk

Dear Mr ,
Please find below a reminder of your password as requested from the Tesco.com website. We take security very seriously and this message has been sent only to the e-mail address given in your account details.

Your password is 'hootas',

Kind regards,
Tesco.com

From Charles

Hey your site's interesting, much so with the new addition of your Pride & Joy's photographs! My colleague and I had a Monday morning just browsing through them all, she did brighten up our last day of 2001! Cheers!

From Amizadai

Ooh, by the way, my favourite picture of Faith is the one of her mauling that teething ring. She looks pretty fierce, man!

From Mano

Brown: You are doing a superb national service for Singapore. All Singaporeans should be proud of it. Alas, probably only a few hundred thousand are probably proud of it. The rest... well... our national education system will ensure they do not see the woods for the trees. I am truly proud that a Singaporean writer of your calibre exists. Your turn of phrase and sense of humour is one-in-a-million. Pse keep up the good work. I hope you never ever tire of it. Regards.

From Lucy Tan

testing

From Yong

To whom it may concern, I'd like to know if Borders Singapore have this book. First Class English for Tourism 1 (Book 1) by Stephen Hall and Tray Blappert. Its ISBN is 0534-83572-4 It should come with the cassette. I also would like to know if you have book2. Please e-mail back me. Sincerely, Yong

From Adeline

Hi, Could you advise me of the availability of the following book and its price! Blackstone's Statutes on Commercial & Consumer Law 2001-2001, 10th Edition, By Francis Rose

From Recent Poo Expert

My whole family and friends have been trying to achieve low points on the poo poo quiz. We are not able to make our feces float. I did some research on the internet and found that poo floats only when it's high in fat. That doesn't sound like a healthy poo to me! Also the color is brown to dark brown, NOT light brown. Please check out this link, it maybe very beneficial for your overachiever poopers out there. http://www.afraidtoask.com/bowel/color.html

Maybe you could add the pictures to your site to increase the knowledge of healthy poop?

Thanks, The poopologist

From Melvin

i would like to commend you on the absolutely w/o a doubt fantastic website. cant say much for the decor, but the content is top rate. was just wondering about your satirical approach towards government issue. Arent you afraid that 'someone' will get you or your family if you go a little wee bit too far?

From the Mailbag 18 Sept 2000

From DRaley

you need a better web site

From KALIFFY

Hi mike,
Just like a typical Singadorkian,when dealing with an ang mo,we don't expect
you all to suck up to us,because the lot of you do not have any personality.You can
change your name to Mike Lee,Turbo Ong.or Whitey Yeo,but the fact remains the same,to make a joke out of a beautiful language such as English is not amusing to
anyone else,except uneducated wankers like you.

From MARILYNANDJIM

Your a punk if you do what ever your wife says, BITCH!

From HyDrOCRNX

you where the worst f*cken teacher i ever had you piece of f*cken sh*t. eat sh*t and die you filthy c*ck sucker...

Sincerly mrs.early

From Simon Isaacs

Quote your front page .. "One final note: for preferential treatment when you arrive at Heathrow airport, announce that you are a member of Shin Fane (an international Jewish peace organization-the "shin" stands for "shalom")..."

Just a quick note to mention that "Shin Fane" are the Irish terrorist organisation responsible for the murder of 1000's of innocent British citizens. Hope you think this is funny. Many parents in the UK wont.

From Siew Noi

Subject: Your Article on "Why Engineers Make Good Husbands"
It's a really nice article. My boyfriend is also an engineer. I guess that there's really some truth in that article cos' my boyfriend is so busy that he doesn't even have time for me. I read the whole article with amusement and I must say that I really enjoy that. I guess I would not have to think twice if he were to propose to me. Keep up the good work!

From Wendy

Hi Mr Brown

I graduated from the same kindergarten! (though not from the same year as I'm not in the pix). The teacher on the left taught me before too, but i have forgotten her name...

You don't look that bad what....quite cute with the..er...thick specs! What a studious little boy!

Just to let you know that I enjoyed reading what's on your website...sarcastically witty and loads of fun to read!

From Annie