Singapore National Education Part 13
I have also learned lately:
1. That there are rumours that NUS and NTU are planning to introduce a compulsory course (where grades are given, even) on Creativity, following the success of the NUS compulsory course on Critical Thinking and Logical Reasoning (with supplentary course on Wordperfect 5.1).
"Just because A=B does not mean that B=A, because A might want to go out with C, who is already dating D".
2. That in the song "I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)", we still do not know what the singer won't do.
3. That in the song "Can I Touch You _There_?" by Michael "Hairline" Bolton, where exactly is "there"?
4. That, not content on just blaming Indonesia for The Haze, Malaysians are now blaming Singaporean cars in JB for it as well. Thank goodness we don't burn incense there too.
5. That there is real lemon in Dishwashing Liquid but not in Lemonade..
[Recently Chief Justice let off 2 young but bright rioters with probation and community service and gave their 4 not-so-good "O"-Level accomplices 9 months jail]
6. That, if you plan to go rioting in Singapore and don't want to go to jail for it when caught, make sure you have good "O" Level results.
7. That the best way to deal with the brain drain in Singapore is to let off the bright young ones who commit serious offences (like, say, oh, rioting), while locking up the less intellectually advantaged young punks (who are probably going to commit more crimes if we let them off anyway).
8. That it is possible to get away with doing time for serious offences if you are young, have good "O" Level results and can prove that your parents were too busy working to pay you any attention.
9. That you have the right to riot if your parents were too busy working to pay you any attention (which describes something like 90% of the parents in Singapore).
10. That perhaps Mahathir may have to change his Vision 2020 (Wawasan 2020) to a less catchy Vision 2030 (Wawasan 2030).
11. That the only redeeming value of the latest Citibank ad with that old guy who has "most of Asia covered" talking to his equally articulate banker/telephone operator (who will fax him details on how to conquer the rest of the world), is the fact that the old guy is using a car kit speaker phone for his handphone.
12. That the orgasmic singing at the end of this ad is extremely hazardous to people with delicate intestinal systems.
13. That the reality is probably less glam than portrayed by this ad (or most lifestyle ads for that matter).
We would more likely get a telephone answering service if we called our bank from our car that late at night;
- the message will not be in an unidentifiable Western accent but some lady saying "Good evening, can I helpchoo? We are closed for the night so plis call tomollow okay?";
- and the music we hear will not be orgasmic women ahh-ing in 6-part harmony but some over-cheerful deejay on Power(rr) 98FM playing Lemon Tree for the eighty-fifth time.
14. That there is no "r" in "Um" (Urrm), no matter which accent one is trying to imitate.
15. That the way to attract European and American capital is to call for a ban on _all_ currency trading.
16. That one day, currency traders will find a way to ban Dr Mahathir.
17. That "Haze" or "Indonesian Haze" is a diplomatic way of calling it "Bloody Hazardous Health-Endangering Smog"
Imagine if The Straits Times ran something like:
"Indonesian Govt Promises to Deal with Their Bloody Hazardous Health-Endangering Smog"
18. That it may not be impossible that the Indonesian Govt is waiting for someone to actually _die_ of the Haze before doing something significant about it. (So I am asthmatic and I have an axe to grind, so shoot me)
19. That may produce a sequel to her Tree song entitled "Don't Burn Me Down".
20. That the Taxi Companies and the Taxi Drivers want to take our money and our countless surcharges but not our luggage.
21. That TCS is hoping that viewers who saw The Nanny Fran Drescher kiss Miss Babcock in the Nanny Trailers will not miss the censored scene in the actual screening of the episode.
22. That Malaysia's financial analysts, after much research and deep brainstorming, have decided that the best way to arrest the Ringgit's slide is to get their PM to shut up and stop sharing his philosophies on banning Currency Trading.
23. That Dr Mahathir seems to believe that we should give up currency trading, screw crucial the liquidity it gives the world economy, and go back to the good old days where real men bartered with _goods_ instead of this new-fangled thing called money.
"How about 100 tonnes of palm oil for one of your MIG fighters, grunt grunt?"
Welcome to Wawasan 3030.
24. That happiness is a hot cup of coffee on your dining table and a clean, pressed shirt, courtesy of your wife, first thing in the morning when you get up to go to work. (Got to keep the wife happy if I want to keep writing this stuff into the wee hours of the morning, waiting for "Star Trek: The Next Generation" to start at 1245h)
25. That the names of people who litter are revealed in the media, but the Government and the Press still will not reveal the names of the wealthy mother and teen son who abused their maid like an beast.
Copyright 2004 by Lee Kin Mun