Singapore National Education Part 2
I have also learned lately that:
1. That going to Malaysia drives up the cost of living for the Malaysians, so it is bad. Not going to Malaysia means we are not being good neighbours, which is also bad.
2. That the way to attract more Singaporeans as tourists is to keep criticising their nation, leaders and people at the drop of the hat and threaten to cut off their water supply.
3. That it is okay to draw cartoons that offend your other neighbouring countries, like Thailand and Indonesia in order to hit at your intended target, Singapore.
4. That Singaporeans are so dimwitted that they need their leaders to tell them not to visit a country that does not welcome them.
5. That calling people Dummies sells books.
6. That we need to see unimaginative trailers for an old blockbuster Dinosaur movie at least 500 times and at least for a whole month before the movie screens on TV, with twice as many ads.
7. That it's okay for Li Nanxing to drink and drive but not okay for Fann Wong to sign another contract with another company.
8. That big boobs are important to one's TV Career in Singapore, even when one does not have them to begin with.
9. That no one in Singapore will find out if you have your boobs done in NUH (where it is cheaper than overseas), especially if you are a "star".
10. That James Lye can dance.
11. That Ann Kok can sing.
12. That science fiction television really is better when watched at 12.45am on weeknights.
13. That no one really notices when you snip off punchlines in "Friends" and "Third Rock From The Sun".
14. That Karate Kid is showing for the FIRST TIME ON TELEVISION! (again).
15. That it is okay to show old movies like "The Shining" for the 19th time as long as you repackage it as part of a Jack Nicholson festival.
16. That if you plug long enough as some roving reporter and be good at what you do on a local Entertainment program, one day you too can become the Anchor.
17. That showing "Spaceballs" on TV the day before "Star Wars" is to open at the cinema is the height of Television Programming.
18. That the celebrities at the Cannes Film Fest _really_ wanted to talk to Paik Choo from TCS Singapore.
19. That the way to make a Television Movie is to film it the same way as local Chinese serials but add a black bar on top and below the screen to simulate Cinemascope.
20. That there is nothing wrong with a nation where murder and rape incidents are some 51-year-old auntie's favorite episodes in Crime Watch, and the series is about real crime.
21. That people want to smell like Michael Jordan and are willing to pay big bucks to do it.
22. That Michael Jordan really smells like his new perfume in real life.
23. That if someone accuses you of kissing ass and of praising the ideas of a deputy prime minister's wife just because it was the deputy prime minister's wife who said them, and not because of any intrinsic quality of this lady's ideas -- the correct journalistic response is to say that the Minister of Health thought they were good ideas too. So there. (cf Straits Times Forum Page 30 May 1997)
24. That bus drivers that have problems stopping for passengers and reaching destinations on time are qualified to be Traffic Police and use Traffic Cameras.
25. That LTA ads are a nostalgic warm and fuzzy stroll down memory lane and worth the millions of dollars spent on them.
Copyright 2004 by Lee Kin Mun
