Singapore National Education Part 6
I have also learned lately:
1. That after _30_ people got food poisoning at Orchard Hotel after eating a wedding dinner there, the hotel is still "unable to confirm if the guests became ill because of food consumed during the dinner"... Must've been the Char Kway Teow they ate _after_ the Wedding dinner is what I think.
2. That even reputable companies can also suffer from a state of denial, like some Hotels and Telecommunications outfits we know... ("But we _really_ didn't jam our competitor's signal what!")
3. That an apology can shrink so much in a week as in, "Actually I was only apologising for the _poor grammar_ used in the signboards that called your Senior Minister names" (Film at eleven: "The Incredible Shrinking Apology", followed by "Honey, I Shrunk the Apology").
4. That Umno Youth will follow worldwide fashion trends and start a brand new young children's line and name it "Umno Kids -- Where You Never Need to Grow Up" (Only mental age of 12 and below may apply).
5. That we have now found an answer to our nation's declining birthrates. According to an ad in the latest Time magazine (June 30th 1997 "Fate of the Dragons" issue, pg 7) put out by SITV (TCS's international arm), the declining birthrates of our nation since 1979 are due to the wonderful programming found on our own most-watched TV stations.
6. By inference, watching TCS channels can lead to impotence...
7. That by another inference, watching TCS programmes can make you lose interest in procreation.
8. That the Roswell UFO Sightings were not aliens but air force dummies (an unkind thing to call _anyone_ in my view) making crash landing tests (out soon -- "UFO Sighting for Dummies"). But with Fox Mulder dead, we'll never know, will we...
9. That turning on your gas at the wrong time can cost you ten million bucks or more, especially if you are a huge gas company, especially if the place is a huge construction site for an uncompleted shopping centre, especially before the gas pipes are ready.
10. That a convicted rapist like Mike Tyson is released on parole to go back to boxing and people are _surprised_ he bit Holyfield's ear.
11. That Hong Kong's handover to China is so relevant to Singapore that we need to have:
- Our _own_ massive celebrations
- A 3-hour-long _live_ telecast of China and Hong Kong's celebrations
- And _full-colour_ front page Straits Times coverage on the event.
12. That the handover of Hong Kong to China warrants more coverage than our own National Day.
13. That based on the local media coverage and hoohaa that we gave the handover of Hong Kong, one might even think that Singapore wants to return to China as a Special Economic Zone as well.
14. That Malaysia's rejection of our two country's union has nothing to do with our looking for unions with other countries.
15. That contrary to the media coverage we are giving the Handover, Singapore is _not_ a vassal state/renegade province of China nor is it seeking to be one.
16. That rumours that we were planning a full scale Military parade (which was called off due to the weather) to mark the Handover are just not true.
17. That Singapore is not sucking up to China but creatively engaging it.
18. That Singapore is not interfering with the politics of other countries but actually providing valuable contributions from our own Economic Miracle Story.
19. That the audience in those Info-commercials that go on for hours are really excited about the product that they were paid to be excited about.
20. That a sandwich is really worth $8 if you give it a French name, sell it in a French deli and have some lady croon your French deli's name in an orgasmic voice on a radio advert.
21. That according to a new Govt ad campaign to justify the water price increases, water is precious but how precious is up to you, especially now when I have to pay mineral water prices for the water I use to flush my toilet.
22. That it is now _my_ fault that the price of water has gone up.
23. That it is rumoured that if this all-new original Central Expressway rule that requires us to buy both the $60 Full-day _and_ the $40 Part-day ALS License _still_ does not work, then only drivers who are married before July 12th, who have paid up a $5000 deposit, who voted for upgrading, who are not retirees, who had their 3rd child by 28 years-old and who are driving cars no older than 10 years, may be allowed to drive into town between 7.30am and 9.30am.
24. That the LTA is not competing with the HDB for the "Most-Frequent-Policy-Changes Government Department" award.
25. That we "must accept low wages so we can stay competitive" (actual quotes) so that some of us can enjoy being the sixth richest country in the world, but that does not include ministers, apparently.
Copyright 2004 by Lee Kin Mun