Singapore National Education Part 14
I have also learned lately:
1. That the Pirated (and Porno) VCD vendors in Sim Lim Square have warning signs over their wares proclaiming "Shoplifters will be reported to the Police!".
Arrest me, pleeese!
2. That the drop in the number of new homes available is not a response to REDAS's appeal (I have a bridge in San Francisco to sell, any takers?).
3. That according to one of our ingenious readers (he had A Stroke of Genius!), one of the ways to fight intelligent buildings (cf. The Mouse is Your Friend) that shut down on you when you don't move enough, is to get a small table fan going with the oscillate function on. Brilliant!
4. That I can't watch a complete episode of Friends without TCS censoring the word "Lesbian" but I can get X-rated and Category 3 VCDs at Simei interchange.
5. That TCS will censor foreign imported shows indiscriminately to increase the airtime available for ads, but will not do the same snipping on shows where it really matters and where people really want to see it, like local stuff.
6. That we now have a 100-million-dollar high-tech display system at our bus stops to tell us how late Bus Number 61 will be.
7. That we now have a 100-million-dollar high-tech display system at our bus stops to tell us what time Bus Number 61 will drive by and _not_ stop. (Bus Number 61 -- the Demon Bus from Hell)
8. That we now have a 100-million-dollar high-tech display system at our bus stops to justify further bus fare hikes.
9. That JBJ-1 PAP-0.
10. That the Malaysian Ringgit slides in direct proportion to the number of times their PM speaks.
11. That TCS expects us to 5mile at their 5elf-congratulatory celebrations when most people think that the whole 5tation is 5upremely 5tupid and 5enseless. Oh, put a 5ock in it!
12. That it is fitting that TCS 5 is showing us "Groundhog Day" for their anniversary, a show about a man who gets up and experiences the same day again and again and again, just like we get to experience the same movies like this on TCS for the first time again and again and again. It's all Deja View.
"Karate Kid: Watch it again for the first time on TCS5 -- again."
13. That we need to be reminded by TCS what a wonderful station it is through just about every locally-done program, like Showbuzz, Fashion Unlimited, News and even Chinese documentaries like Focus.
14. That "Three Rooms" is not a rip-off of "Friends". There are 3 guys and 3 girls in "Friends" but there are 3 guys and _2_ girls in "Three Rooms".
15. That it is artistic to use the theme song from Quentin Tarantino's totally unrelated "Four Rooms" for your new sitcom "Three Rooms".
16. That the "Cafe Latte" place where the "Three Rooms" Friends (oops) hang out is not a copy of "Central Perk".
17. That the sarcastic owner of "Cafe Latte" in "Three Rooms" with the funny hair is not a copy of Gunther in "Friends".
18. That the word "lesbian" will probably not be used in the sitcom "Three Rooms".
19. That the best time to bring out a local copy of a popular imported sitcom is when the imported series is ending its season.
20. That even a local politician has to admit that Singaporeans are "a bit cheesed off" at the emphasis on attracting foreign talent.
21. That those new beauty product/service/salon TV ads that feature old people with supposedly great skin (over sixty years old and still with skin like a baby's bottom!) use artistic super-soft focus and high contrast lighting for artistic reasons only.
22. That the greatest cosmetic product ever invented in this decade is Adobe Photoshop.
23. That, after initially accusing the big plantation and forestry firms of causing 80% of the fires, the Indonesian government, with deep soul-searching, is now convinced that the main blame should fall on the small-time farmers (they have detained 20 so far) and even more so, on El Nino, that pesky natural phenomenon. Plans are underway to take out court proceedings against these farmers and El Nino.
24. That everyone is pouring money into Indonesia to fight the fires, except the rich billionaire timber barons, who are _not_ I repeat, _not_ responsible for the fires, no matter what those satellite photos say.
25. That plans are underway to make El Nino pay for the fire fighting.
Copyright 2004 by Lee Kin Mun
