It seems like the Seventies look is "in" again and it's hip to look retro. You know how I know retro is hip again? For one thing, it costs more to look Seventies now than to look Nineties. Have you seen the prices of those retro clothes lately? And another thing, I just watched Saturday Night Fever and thought that John Travolta with his tight bell-bottoms and his Boeing 747-wing collars actually looked very fashionable. I actually thought he looked good. Very fashion.
I mean we used to laugh at these people right?
"Wah lao, that guy's collar soooo big, I think the wind blow he can fly, man."
"Eh, he still wearing bell-bottoms, and he think he looks so stylo."
"Actually, he is not so tall, one. All bluff. You see underneath his bell bottoms he is wearing those 3-feet elevator shoes?"
Nowadays, we would probably walk up to the fella and ask where he bought his clothes because we want to buy also.
The only thing I think is not so hip about the Seventies is the way Travolta walks in that movie. The clothes and the look will be fine today but if you walked and gelek down Orchard Road like he did, I think you will be arrested for obscene behaviour.
The Seventies hairstyles are also back now. You can now do a Tony Curtis curry-puff and no one will think you look like a moron. Bozo, maybe, but definitely not moron. If your friends used to laugh at your Brylcreem hair, you know, the kind that is so shiny that no one can look at you directly in daylight, and so hard that a nuclear explosion will not move a single strand of your hair, well, your friends won't laugh anymore. Trust me.
I used to have a friend who had hair like that. Let's call him Chris (not his real name, his real name is Christopher). Chris was the kind of guy who did not own a pair of jeans till he was 25. I am not kidding. He was that out of it. And Chris's hair, Chris's hair was not just hair, it was an institution. He wore it the same way for twenty over years. With a lot a lot of Brylcreem and parted to one side. You could see his parting line so straight and true. And nothing moved.
I think when he was born, his hair was already like that, with the Brylcreem and the parting. I never remembered him any other way.
We used to say "Heaven and earth will pass away, but Chris's hair will never change". Now he looks so hip in this Retro Revival. Without even trying. Recently he changed his hairstyle. He is now wearing his hair with a lot a lot of Brylcreem and parted to the OTHER side.
At the end of the day, I think that no matter how un-hip you are, how unfashionable you are, or how badly you dance, it does not matter. Just keep doing the things you are doing now and in about twenty years time, it will be cool again. Yes, even if you dance the Marcarena.
Bras are also back in style. I recall with fondness that there was a time going bra-less was very fashionable. Alas, those days are over. But the good news is, there is now the Wonder Bra. The Wonder Bra is so called because it makes you think, "I Wonder how our Office Runway suddenly got cleavage and breasts the size of fairly-large pomelos?"
For a while, a lot of men were fooled and many got married on the basis of the Wonder Bra. By the time they found out, it was too late. They had already paid the $5000 HDB deposit. Now, most of us are quite skilful in detecting Wonder-breasts from the Real Thing.
Firstly, real breasts bounce. Wonder-breasts do not. Not even if the wearer is walking briskly, running, or bungee-jumping.
Secondly, if there is a ton of cleavage but no bulge at the base of the breasts, it is probably because most of the stuff has been pushed up by a Wonder Bra. And if your colleague's breasts vary in size everyday, she is probably wearing one of those exchangeable paddings inside her Wonder Bra, that gives her up to FOUR breast sizes. Dead giveaway is the lady who is a C-Cup today, and a D-Cup tomorrow.
Thirdly, Wonder-boobs stand up no matter what. If the lady's assets are still pointing up while she is lying down, defying all the natural laws of physics and gravity, then she is probably getting help.
The first person to make the Wonder Bra popular and wear it in an ongoing TV series is, of course, Lynda Carter, as Wonder Woman. Her cups could stop bullets, man.
I also have noticed lately that young people are into this other new trend. This involves wearing a strappy blouse with the bra straps showing prominently. Very hot, man. The first time I encountered this new trend, I went up to the young lady and very discreetly told her, "Ah, excuse me, but your strap is showing."
Fashion Girl: "It's supposed to be like that, one!"
So we have gone from asking, "Eh, my strap is not showing, is it?" to "Eh, my strap is showing, right?"
Next season, women will wear petticoats again, but on the outside. Ladies, you heard it here first from mr brown.
I hope the guys do not follow up on this fashion trend and start wearing their pants unzipped, showing their underwear prominently.
"Ah, excuse me, but your zip is down."
Fashion Boy: "It's supposed to be like that one!"
I tell you, if these guys go into a crowded lift, the alarm sure go off.
I have also seen another fashion trend, where the girls wear a strappy blouse and another tank top inside that. Very hot, man.
It's like they are saying, "I could not decide what to wear today, so I wear both, lor!"
If we guys follow the trend, we will be wearing two T-shirts, and die of heat stroke before we even reach the lift. Very hot, man.
And the underwear trends reach even the school children. True story: my teacher friend stopped this schoolboy the other day and asked him to pull up his PE shorts because his underwear elastic band was showing. The boy looked very pained, and he said, "But titcher, Kalveen Krine, leh!"
Me, I am waiting for the day my white Crocodile undies come back in fashion, then I can wear them on the outside and show off the waistband and everything. Hey, it can happen. Look at the guys walking around wearing just their singlets, with their manly nipples showing sticking out everywhere. Years ago, no one would be caught dead with singlets UNDERNEATH their shirts.
So go ahead and wear whatever you want. It's supposed to be like that, one.