The sun comes up in the West.
You jump out of bed and miss the floor.
The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
Your pet rock snaps at you.
The blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
Your income tax refund check bounces.
You put your bra on backwards, and it fits better.
Suicide Prevention puts you on hold.
Your twin sister forgets your birthday
You wake up face down on the pavement.
You see a "60 Minutes news team" waiting in your outer office (and DA is waiting on the phone...)
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
Your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business.
You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party, and there aren't any.
You turn on the TV news and they're displaying emergency routes out of your city.
The woman you've been seeing on the side begins to look like your wife.
You wake up to discover that your water bed broke, and then you realize that you don't have a water bed.
Your horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
You get a rejection notice from the HUMOR Listserver saying that you're no longer funny...
Your doctor tells you, "Well, I have bad news and good news..."
You open the paper and find your picture under a caption that reads: "WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE!"
Your ex-lover calls and tells you he has 6 days to live, and that you'd better get the Test!
You wake up at work naked in front of your co-workers.
Your lover tells you, "I'm sub-letting another apartment and the movers are here to move me."
You have an appointment in 10 minutes, and you just woke up.
You need your chocoholic fix and the government just banned chocolate!
Contributed by Dorothy