Many moons ago, my friends and I supported ourselves through university by conducting computer lessons during the long holidays.
OK, if you really want to be accurate, we used the money to finance our growing Coke addiction (Coca-Cola, that is) and to pay for Ponderosa buffet outings.
Rohan chronicled these profound days in the Arts computer lab (known affectionately in those halcyon days as The Arts Computer Lab) in his profound memoirs, reflecting profoundly on the profound effects the trials and tribulations had on our profound young souls. Some of our other adventures are covered in my Joy of Yaks article and we will be publishing more Computer Club stories in coming issues, as soon as we can remember any. If anyone dare dispute the accuracy of our memoirs, I would like to point out that I went through many years in the University computer club (I served under FIVE club presidents - we got a new one every year) and did not even graduate. I am not making this bit up. -mr brown
We are looking for a special breed of people (preferably cocker spaniels) with the calibre to take over our aging lot of Mac instructors... who deservedly need a break, after having done such an admirable job for the past couple of hundred years or so. (mild applause) Do you therefore have what it takes to step into their pair of worn-out shoes while they step into your brand new pair? Read on and see if you fit the bill:
1. "Must I know anything about the software I want to teach?"
Some people feel that you must strive to know your softwares (Microsoft Word/ PageMaker) until you have it at the very tip of your fingers . Eventually, they say, you'll achieve such mastery that 40 years down the line, future Computer Club members will be whispering in reverence and awe every time they pass by your picture; appropriately hanging somewhere between the HP III Laserprinter and the nearest toilet. This, we must stress, is not simply not true (about the software thing, that is). You don't have to know anything about the software at all.
Instead, what you will need is a good repertoire of "Why the chicken crossed the road..." jokes and a few decent campfire songs to pass the time away just in case you run out of things to say during the course. This, from our experience, usually comes just about after you've introduced yourself.
YOU: "Good morning to all of you. My name's George Chew and I'll be your Mac Instructor. Er... to begin with, let us hold hands and do the Hokey-Pokie..."
2. "Is it true that I must dress nice?"
Contrary to popular belief, Mac instructors dress like Flamenco dancers because generally, they want to make a statement (ole!). However, they aren't as flamboyant (nor sexy) once they get off the job. In fact, they can be rather messy at times. It is a well-known secret that Mike, Kin Mun, George and Rohan descend from a long lineage of slobs that can be traced all the way back to the beginnings of the 14th century Renaissance; a period of profound enlightenment where snakeskin tights and goose feathers were the rage. Cursed therefore with no fashion consciousness whatsoever, our instructors are grateful that they can at least tell the difference between an Armani outfit...and a bowl of custard pudding.
There is a lesson somewhere behind all of this. You don't have to dress nice and look smart to become a Mac Instructor. Mike, George, Kin Mun & Rohan all bear witness to this. What you need to have on that day is a casual outfit and the necessary number of limbs (as laid down by the 1976 Geneva Convention On Human Arms & Legs). We cannot entertain any excuse that you left your false leg at home and therefore have to hop around the lab like a jack-rabbit while conducting the course. It can get a bit distracting, you know.
In concussion, do you you feel eminently qualified to be an instructor? It doesn't matter if you aren't... Heck, it never stopped us at all !! Just fill out this form and leave the rest to us.
Appendicitis 1A
- - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - Cut Along The Dotted Line- - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Yes!! I want to become a Mac Instructor and make filthy amounts of money without feeling guilty about it. Register me now before I burst!!
I declare that I have no knowledge of the software I will be paid to teach.
And yes, I'm sure that I wasn't a camel in my past life.
Name: _________ alias _________
Address: __________________________________
Parole Officer: _________
Combination number to my parent's safe: _________
My Tattoo Preference:
[ ] Flower pattern
[ ] Secret society logo
(tick accordingly)
I can't wait to teach:
[ ] Microsoft Word
[ ] PageMaker
[ ] CPR
I hereby swear upon the holy grave of my dead cat that I'm telling the truth...and if I should be lying, I am willing to allow my legs to be used as scratching posts for 101 deranged felines, so help me God. (I understand that I have the discretion to turn away the 102nd miaow/cat should there be an overwhelming response to this offer)
_______________________
Yours Unfortunately,
(my name in Sanskrit)
Form 3B/ 7261 WP.doc/Registration
