Latest TODAY column is: AngMoh-nising of the Singapore Man
They take our jobs, now they take our weemin. It is time to fight back! Others agree!
IT seems that our local men and new HDB five-room and executive flats share the same problem. People do not want them.
A letter writer to a local paper recently lamented that there is an alarming trend of local girls marrying Caucasians because these Western men usually have better careers, live in bigger condominiums and drive bigger cars. Everything also bigger.
The AngMoh-nising of the Singapore Man
It seems that our local men and new HDB 5-room and Executive Flats share the same problem. People do not want them.
A letter writer to a local paper recently lamented that there is an alarming trend of local girls marrying Caucasians because these Western men are usually more senior in their bigger careers, live in bigger condominiums and drive bigger cars (like Neil Humphreys of TODAY, I suppose). Everything also bigger.
The writer also believes that local women are going with these Ang Mohs because they can get overseas citizenship easier, and the girls think the Caucasians treat local women with more respect than local men do.
I must say I am alarmed at this trend. How can these local girls not see the tremendous appeal of local men, who are family-minded and obedient? According to his in-depth analysis, our women are going instead for these loose-living foreigners who are not interested in the 5Cs (although they also have the career, condominiums and car already, by sheer coincidence), who are not interested in marriage and kids, and are only good at being sophisticated, well-spoken and opinionated.
I think it is time for the Government to step in here, before we run out of babies who are 100% locally bred. Foreigners are not just taking our jobs, dammit, they are taking our women!
The Government should seriously consider making it against the law for local women to date foreign men, unless they have valid medical reasons. Because I think it is only under the compulsion of law, can the modern Singapore woman learn to appreciate the finer qualities of local men.
Local men need all the help they can get. They have already lost two and a half years married to their military wife, the M16 rifle. In that space of time, our women already get to taste the fruit of foreign men who do not need to serve NS. And our men are left fondling their own gun.
Hopes were further dashed when the Ministry of Defence declared that women are unlikely to serve NS with the boys any time soon, because they are not needed and the military cannot afford to pay their salaries and house them anyway. Many felt that if the women served NS, the local boys might have gotten a chance to socialize and mingle with them after a sweaty IPPT session, or to share a joke or two over night snack. But even that avenue is now closed.
I think that besides relying on the Government and their mothers, local men need to be pro-active too, and try to make themselves more attractive to local women.
Learn to dress better, like making sure your socks match your belt. And no white socks unless you are playing badminton.
Be more conversationally adept, and try to talk about something else other than work and soccer. Touch on foreign celebrities, like Ali G, once in a while, to show that you are with “it”.
Try to get a Western name. Like Jack or John. But avoid adding a “son” at the back of it. For some reason, Westerner-loving local girls do not think “Jackson” or “Johnson” are hip first names and usually associate them with Ah Bengs. Perhaps because they are also meant to be Western last names, and also Johnson means something rude in some Western countries.
The HDB has a similar problem in that people are shunning their new flats in places like Sengkang and Punggol 21. They will stop building 5-room flats because there are about 10,000 unsold ones, left on the shelf (like Singapore men).
I understand that people are shunning them because the estates are too ulu, or remote and backward (like Singapore men). And also because the downturn has made these larger flats too expensive (this part is not like Singapore men, because local men are cheap).
Case in point, recently some people have complained that LRT stations in Sengkang are named badly. Some of the station names are Kangkar, Renjong and Thanggam.
I can see how such heritage names lack the hip and western touch (like Singapore men). No wonder people say the estates are ulu. So let’s forget about trying to retain some history and heritage in our new estates.
We should instead try to name our estates with culturally relevant names like Compassvale, Fernvale, Rivervale, Edgevale Plains, Edgefield Plains. It makes our HDB flats sound less like public housing and more like private estates. This is key to our local men winning local women, who like foreign guys because they live in private condos.
Besides, Singapore has many dales, vales and plains and we used to be a British colony. Come on, even our university is called Kent Ridge.
Many of these street names are found in Punggol estate, where the many unsold flats are. I think it is a step in the right direction, because Western sounding street names will help sell flats.
In fact, who was the genius who came up with Edgefield Plains and Edgedale Plains anyway? I would like to shake his hand. Who cares that people do not remember the middle syllables (they remember the Edge and the Plains, everything else in between is static). The important thing is that the names are western-sounding and hip.
Hey, if more street names are needed, maybe we can also try Edgedale Fields and Edgefield Dale.
Now that I think about it, Edgefield is also a great Western name for local men to adopt. Edgedale Lim and Edgefield Tan will be chick magnet names, I tell you.
It will also get you into our future Sentosa casino, if it ever gets built. As Trade and Industry Minister George Yeo said, “We don't want the man going there after work or the housewife going there when she's free in the afternoon. So there must be controls on who can gain access to the casino.”
“And if you are not of a certain economic class, you should not even think of going there. You should confine yourself to 4D, Toto or horse racing, “ said he.
In Singapore, not just hospitals, even casinos will have means testing.
So if you Singapore men want to impress the girls with your Western name, Western apartment, and casino lifestyle, make sure you have your economic class sorted out. Or you will be left with the housewife who buys 4D when she is free in the afternoon, instead of the sassy young thing who plays Blackjack at Sentosa in her thong.
mrbrown is the accidental author of a popular website that has been documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997. He lives in an estate called Lorong Ah Soo, which is why he never got the chicks when he was younger.