mrbrown.com

FAQ for Bush's New Plan for Iraq

Read an FAQ for George Bush's New 5-Step Plan for Iraq at Fafblog. Brilliant stuff.

Excerpt:

Q: How sovereign will the new sovereign Iraq government be?
A: It will be so sovereign. You have never seen anything as sovereign as this new sovereign Iraqi government!
Q: Does the UN draft resolution prepared by the US give Iraq full sovereignty?
A: No.
Q: Does it give the Iraqi government the power to ask foreign troops to leave or to overrule military missions?
A: No. We are staying the course, whether they want us to or not.

Michael Moore: Liar or Rebel?

A FEW YEARS AGO Michael Moore, who's now promoting an anti-President Bush movie entitled Fahrenheit 9/11, announced he'd gotten the goods on me, indeed hung me out to dry on my own words...The only problem is none of this is true. It never happened. Moore is a liar. He made it up. It's a fabrication on two levels. One, I've never met Moore or even talked to him on the phone. And, two, I read both The Iliad and The Odyssey in my first year at the University of Virginia.

Michael Moore and Me by Fred Barnes

More Troy

A long but very funny review of the movie Troy.

Menelaus: "Where is she?"
Guard: "Sir, your wife left ... with the Trojans."

One would assume that a $200 million summer blockbuster could have found space on the payroll for some random lackey to comb the script and extricate any errant one-liners that could be potentially misconstrued as silly condom jokes by annoyed, impatient audiences. It calls to mind a quote from the estimable film critic Homer Simpson: "Your movie is more boring than church." I believe neither Homers would approve.

And Penny Arcade shows you how much better the movie would have been with the Hulk.

After all, a Straits Times reviewer gave Lee Ang's Hulk four stars, surely having the Hulk in Troy would push her five stars rating for Troy to six stars, SIX out of Five stars (place evil pinky at edge of evil mouth and laugh buahahahahaha)!!!!! And somemore, both movies starred Eric Bana. Coincidence? I think not!

Crouching Hulk, Hidden Message
Director Lee Ang doesn't let the green guy's special effects get in the way of his arthouse leanings in this latest comic-to-film blockbuster-ST 10th Dec 2003

"While I have yet to succumb to that temptation, I have given five-star ratings, the most recent of which was to Troy. I have been accused of being too liberal with my five stars. The general response tends to be: 'Wah, five stars. You mean the movie is perfect, ah?'"- ST 28th May, Friday

TODAY: I can't wait to see Singapore Idol

Latest TODAY column is: I can't wait to see Singapore Idol

Excerpt:

In American Idol, those who made it past the auditions would often be seen screaming, jumping and shouting: "I'm going to Hollywood!" As if they had won 4D.

In Singapore Idol, what will the qualifiers shout?

Further, in American Idol, host Ryan Seacrest has his signature sign-off phrase "Seacrest out!" What will our Singapore Idol host Gurmit Singh say? "Singh out!"?

I wish I were younger and could start a musical career. The world belongs to the young, man! The only way I can hope to become a star at my age would be to have my church folk buy my album.

10 Worst Album Covers of All Time

One day, when you become the Singapore Idol, make sure you get them to create album covers that look like these gems.

Excerpt:

That's right, just "Joyce". It practically sells itself. For as much as 50 cents, judging by the price tag. Kudos to the marketing genius who came up with this layout. (I think Joyce went on to become an angry algebra teacher at my high school. She always used to bust me and my girlfriend making out behind the building.)

Here's Joyce’s big day-

"Hello, Joyce residence"

"Hi, Joyce? This is Artie, your producer. We got the photographer to come in today, so grab an extra bottle of aqua-net and get your hot ass in here. I have a nude badminton tournament at noon." (I can only guess at the weird stuff these people did for fun)

Can China Follow Singapore's Political Model?

The Peking Duck has written a very spot-on piece on why China cannot follow Singapore's semi-democracy model so easily, despite what Christian Science Monitor says.

Excerpt:

If China wants to strive for a Singapore-type model, with a strong but beneficent ruler at the helm of a semi-democracy that slowly but steadily loosens its grip on personal freedoms as the country grow richer, that's fine. But remember, the reason it works in Singapore is trust in the government.

Rumsfeld Bans Cameras and now, Camcorders

"We are sorry that our President is an idiot. We didn't vote for him."

The images of abuse at Abu Ghraib, the photos of returning soldiers' coffins -- we
see them because of this technology. And it's caught defense officials off-guard. So
Rumsfeld bans them?

Or not?

Donald Rumsfeld Prohibits Use Of Camcorders During Wedding Ceremonies

The Russian RPG-7 kicks US Ass

Brilliant articles on the Russian RPG-7 and its use against the M-1 Abrams tank.

Excerpt:

"...the RPG is the best of all, even better than the Kalashnikov. This simple little beauty just keeps getting more and more effective. This cheap little dealie, nothing but a launcher tube and a few rockets shaped like two ice-cream cones glued together, has kicked our ass (and Russia's too) all over the world since back when the Beatles were still together. In fact, more and more guerrilla armies are making the RPG their basic infantry weapon, with the AK used to protect the RPG gunners, who provide the offensive punch. The Chechens fighting the Russian Army are so high on it that they've switched their three-man combat teams from two riflemen and an RPG gunner to two RPG gunners with a rifleman to protect them."

Warning for Xbox Live Players

Be warned, there is a small so-called security patch that was just released for Xbox Live users that resets your Xbox's Auto Sign-in Settings to "Enabled", even if you turned it to "Disabled" previously. This was done without asking your permission, or telling you in advance. A questionable move, if you ask me.

If you own a modded box (which you are not supposed to use on Live anyway), and you turned on your modchip, your Xbox will try to logon into Xbox Live automatically, which will lead to your Xbox being detected and BANNED FOR LIFE.

So the safest thing to do is to yank out the network cable when you want to use your Xbox in its modded state, and check your Xbox Auto Sign-in settings every time Microsoft sends you an "update".

Or, use a vanilla Xbox, as I do, if you want to use Live without any headaches.

Today (5/18/04) we are pushing a small update to the Xbox Dashboard. This update addresses a couple of backend issues (that I can't outline for security reasons.) There are no new features or enhancements that members will see as a result of this update. This is a a VERY small update...so small that many folks won't notice, but I know this group will.

A Review of Pens

A very well-written review by artist and super-creative dude Danny Gregory, on the pens he uses, each pen illustrated with the pen itself. Beautifully done.

Learn to Speak Like a Government Linked Company

Recently, SMRT announced a rebranding exercise and proclaimed that "the amount of unity it can achieve, cost synergies it can achieve will more than make up for the small amount we're going to spend."

Like Sammyboy (The One), I am still not sure what "unity" and "cost synergies" mean here. But The One pointed out this great site that may explain why most GLCs (Government Linked Companies) and Stat Board press releases sound always like this.

TODAY: No Aircons, No Empire

Latest TODAY column is: No Aircons, No Empire

Excerpt:

Hot! Hot, hot, hot! This is the weather in Singapore these days. Even when it rains, it rains hot water. I check the weather report on my PDA, and it says, between 27 deg C and 33 deg C.

It does not feel like 33 deg C, man! That is what happens when you take the temperature in the shade, as good weathermen do.

Meanwhile, the rest of us have to walk in the #[email protected]%&#* sun, where the temperatures are considerably higher than 33 deg C.

I believe we post these low temperatures to fool tourists into coming here.

Commentary: Why cinema is important to Singapore, and its current status

I was chatting with a friend based in the US the other day, about the state of Singapore film and how Royston Tan got blacklisted by the Government and his funding cut, because of his film "15" and the lagi controversial short film "Cut".

Then I came across this commentary that eloquently argues why film is important to Singapore, and why nurturing our talents in this area is important (yes, even when these talents are not toeing some Government line).

Excerpt:

Commentary: Why cinema is important to Singapore, and its current status
by Juan Foo, an independent producer.

I will always remember this little vignette retold to me, by my once filmmaker friend. She was studying film in a prestigious New York film school and her schoolmate asked in passing her why is she studying film. She eagerly replied she wanted to make films in her own country, Singapore. This was met with some jeer from him, as he candidly mocked that Singapore has no film industry to speak of.  

Singapore is climbing a mild gradient since then. A cinema industry, per se, we are not, but we have a growing presence of a tight community that is involved making films. We are forever crossing junctions and making decisions on how the cinematic road should be paved. A crossroad is met at every turn. A decision is made in anticipation that it would, in the long run, pay off.

Japanese Race Queens at Raffles Place

Saw some cool cars on display at Raffles Place today. They were promoting the Japan GT Championship (Round 3) to be held in Malaysia's Sepang Circuit on 18th to 19th June. Wanted to take some pictures of the kickass GT cars but these Japanese Race Queens blocked my view.

And here is the reason we don't take CW out for lunch with us anymore.

Troy and Van Helsing in 15 minutes (Spoilers, duh)

By the very talented cleolinda.

Troy in 15 Minutes:

Excerpt:

Bedroom of Helen of Troy Sparta

PARIS: Hey, baby, I brought you a pearl necklace.

YOUR OWN JOKE ABOUT PEARL NECKLACES: *inserted here*

YOUR OWN JOKE ABOUT INSERTING THINGS: *inserted here*

HELEN [weepy]: I can’t wear it because I’m sort of already married to that other guy but we’ve been doing the royal nasty for a week already anyway and you’re going to leave tomorrow and WAHHHHH.

PARIS: You could stow away and come with me and start a war that will end up killing 90% of the cast and totally be the downfall of my people and my kingdom!

HELEN: *sniff* I think… that’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.

Van Helsing in 15 Minutes:

Excerpt:

Castle Frankenstein

Dr. Frankenstein has a big lab. The Creature is ALIIIIIVE! Count Roxula demands that the Creature be handed over. The fact that Count Roxula is a vampire seems to have escaped Dr. Frankenstein, who is so smart that he can unlock the key to creating artificial life, but can't notice that the guy in front of him is undead. The villagers chase the Creature with pitchforks and torches.

MUSIC: Dundundundundundundun DUN DUH! DUN DUH!! DUN DUH DUN DUH DUN DUHHHH!!!!

Singapore Idle

Before there was Singapore Idol, there is The Singapore NS Idol.

"Over 6 weeks, 16 NSFs and NSmen will put their singing prowess on the line!"

So does the winner get a recording contract with the SAF Music and Drama Company? If you sing badly, do they make you "sign extra"?

"That was absolutely abysmal, Cpl Lim. My CSM can sing better than you. Serve another 6 months of NS!"

mrbrown winksite is Editors' Choice!

The mobile edition of this site has been selected as one of the Editors' Choices at Winksite. Too cool. If you have a mobile phone or PDA that does WAP, my mobile url is winksite.com/mrbrown/mobile. It's another channel to read this site and also the blogs I recommend.

Winksite allows anyone to create a website or blog that is accessible via a mobile, PDA, as well as web browser (using an emulator). Sure I could use my PDA's RSS reader to read sites like mine, but not everyone knows RSS. Almost everyone has a mobile phone, so that's more readership for me.

Sign my guestbook if you're there, will ya? Thanks!

Have a Nice Trip, Sir

A photo you are unlikely to see on the front page of the Straits Times...

Britain's Prime Minister Tony Blair (L) looks on as his Singapore counterpart Goh Chok slips on the doorstep at Downing Street in London, May 11, 2004. REUTERS/Kieran Doherty

Signs in an Army Camp

EMPLOYEES MUST WASH GENITALS and other gems at metastasis.

Also, at metastasis, American Idol helps Singapore newspaper to come up with the worst simile ever.

Watching Troy for Your Literature Exam

Fun movie to watch, Troy, but as this site points out, not the most accurate of movies.