mrbrown.com

Speaking of the Use of Expensive Cars by the Government...

Maybe we should not complain too much to the Cut Waste Panel about our Armed Forces, Civil Service, and Police Force using expensive high-end cars. Our police only have Volve S40s and Honda Civics. The Italian Police has a Lamborghini.

Real-Life Interview from Hell

And you thought your job interview sucked, got this from Balderdash

Excerpt:

Highlights:

Female: "Currently there's no set career path progression for client support officers within merrilll lynch although we hope to have one soon."

Female: "You will be rotated among a pool of front line financial consultants - some of them may be willing to mentor you and help you progress but most prefer a more hands off approach where you stick to the administrative and operational work."

Female: "Usually it takes up to 4-6 years before we can consider transferring you to other divisions."

TODAY: Is it time to put the LRT out of its misery?

Latest TODAY column is: Is it time to put the LRT out of its misery?

Excerpt:

If the Bukit Panjang LRT was a horse, they'd have shot it by now. Twice.

I am sorry for insulting crippled and dying horses with that statement. But, I think there comes a time in a Light Rail's life — when it cannot give the kiddies proper rides anymore — that the only humane thing to do is to put it out of its misery.

New Way of Referring to LRT

Today's alphabet is "L", children. L is for LRT...

Bt Panjang LRT breaks down - yet again By Goh Chin Lian
THE Bukit Panjang LRT line was down for a total of four hours yesterday, two weeks after a series of bugs in the system were fixed.

A series of power trips triggered the shutdown. SMRT, which runs the line, said the faults had nothing to do with the signalling system that it spent around five months repairing for $350,000.
-From the Straits Times MAY 13, 2004

Democracy for Hong Kong, The China Way

We will not let you have democracy if you keep voting the candidates you like, who are candidates we dislike. But if you know what is good for you, you will vote the candidates we "recommend".

Gotta love China, man.

At least in Singapore, when you vote the candidate that the Government does not like, the electoral boundaries just get redrawn the next time, or some legal thing will happen and the candidate will either end up sued till he is a bankrupt/exiled/fugitive.

But what do I know? I have not had a chance to vote since I was legally allowed to, because of the frequent walkovers.

Raffles Junior College: Gateway to the Ivy League

My favorite bit was the quote at the end, "You're used to being the cream of the crop in Singapore," he says, "and it's just the same thing at the Ivies."

Then when the cream of the crop goes to the Ivies and finish being the cream of the crop there, they come back to Singapore to be the governing cream of the crop over the rest of the crop in Singapore.

TODAY: Can't fix the hole in the highway overnight?

Latest TODAY column is: Can't fix the hole in the highway overnight?

Excerpt:

First, there were the flash floods, then the Great Western Singapore Blackout, the collapse of Nicoll Highway and not long after that, the Fusionpolis cave-in at Ayer Rajah. Next, you will be telling me that they are bringing VR Man back on television.

It never ceases to amaze me how Singapore can be efficient and orderly even when we have a disaster.

Don't get me wrong. I am not asking for things to be worse, but we do have this uncanny way of avoiding major chaos. Like those mutant people who can sneeze politely.

Their brains may have just imploded, but all you hear from them is a whisper-quiet, fingers-over-mouth "ha-chi".

How to Score with Your Girlfriend

Vibrator Recall prank call from XL-102FM. Hilarious.

Office Dares

Why not initiate an office dare system?

The Rainbow Plucking episode

Rainbow was a credible children's show that aired in the Sixties and Seventies, but as this episode shows, it was not exactly kid's stuff.

I have included a transcript of the script below, in case you do not want to download a 2.3mb movie.

Profound Questions of Life

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Angmoh Does Not Get His Diet Pepsi, Threatens to Withdraw Funding

And here is an exchange on ICQ about how important it is for a fast food joint in Singapore to carry every diet drink that a Westerner will drink, or incur the Wrath of the Angmoh (Westerner). Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Frankly, I am shocked. How can Singapore's KFC not sell Diet Pepsi? This is a travesty of the highest order. Somebody email the United Nations. Maybe begin sanctions and withdraw funding.

BMT Field Camp Story by metastasis

Read another deliciously funny BMT story by metastasis, this time on his Field Camp. Incidentally, schadenfreude (SHAHD-n-froy-duh) means "a malicious satisfaction in the misfortunes of others".

Brings back memories of the worse field camp rations we got in our day, man. Compared to hard-tack biscuits and sardine, MREs are fine dining.

Excerpt:

I had my field camp just a while back and what can I say? It was mostly hell, but it had its moments. For those lucky enough not to know anything about NS, field camp is seven days spent running about smelling of sweat, mud and camo cream, and six nights spent hugging one's rifle so instructors don't steal it. Oh, and eating really shit rations (of which more later).

A few memorable episodes:

...got away with reflexively calling an officer a cibai when he jumped on my leg as I was in prone position. Whew...

...Standing guard while my buddy took a dump in the peeing field—and seeing someone step on it fifteen minutes later. Schadenfreude is such a beautiful thing.

Bush Wipes Glasses with Producer's Sweater

Always check to see if the cameras are rolling if you are going to wipe your glasses with someone's shirt.

Excerpt:

How would you feel about a person who thinks it is okay to grab your shirt and use it clean their eyeglasses?

That's how arrogant our President is. During a commercial break on the David Letterman show, producer Maria Pope was on stage and discussing something with Letterman, and while she was standing there in front of Bush, George leaned forward, grabbed the back of her sweater and used it to clean his glasses. Check out the Quicktime video.

Regardless of your political party and beliefs, we all know that this administration has raised some serious questions, and has often asked for us to blindly believe in the their drastic actions, all of which are clearly far more serious than this boner on the Letterman show. However, there is not a spin, explanation, or flat out lie that can defend Bush's character in this revealing moment, when he was dumb enough to think that people or cameras were not looking. Even worse scenario is he did know, but just didn't care.

Unfortunate MSN Headline

This is an unfortunate headline seen on MSN. Has MSN gone porn? This is one situation where you do not want to be micro soft.

Hypnotise Yourself for Fun and Profit

Finally, you can hynotise yourself in the comfort of your own home. Try this or this.

And make sure you turn up the volume on your computer so you can hear the soothing words of Dr. J.H. Rabaikal. Better yet, wear headphones.

Old Girls Association

Is it just me or is this a really disturbing picture from Balderdash? It has totally messed up my sweet schoolboy memories of chasing pinafore-wearing schoolgirls and getting turned down on dates. I have heard of Old Girls getting together for a school reunion but this is just wrong, man. I am sure these senior citizens are nice and all, in real life, but there oughta be a law against people beyond a certain age donning school uniforms. Ewwww.

Me and Isaac Co-writing the Latest Issue of SNE

A nice Sunday afternoon spent updating the site with my son. He was responsible for the spell-checking and grammar.

TODAY: Our Uniquely Singaporean Casino

Latest TODAY column is: Our Uniquely Singaporean Casino

Excerpt:

“I think they should have cock-fighting,” said my mom, in a recent burst of inspiration. She was thinking up the kind of games our local casino, should it come to fruition, could feature, beyond the run-of-the-mill stuff.

“Cock-fighting?" I asked. "Mom, that's illegal here.”

“Ya, but they could use fake ones!” she countered.

“You mean, people will bet on a fight between two rubber chickens?” asked I, hoping she did not mean the other kind of fake cock.

And to reader Angela, get well soon! I am honoured that my site was your pre-op and post-op reading. Wah, nowadays hospitals also got Internet access for patients one ah!

SNE Part 99

Singapore National Education Part 99 -- by mr brown
Weeks of 7 April 2004 to 2 May 2004