Latest TODAY column is: Can't fix the hole in the highway overnight?
Excerpt:
First, there were the flash floods, then the Great Western Singapore Blackout, the collapse of Nicoll Highway and not long after that, the Fusionpolis cave-in at Ayer Rajah. Next, you will be telling me that they are bringing VR Man back on television.
It never ceases to amaze me how Singapore can be efficient and orderly even when we have a disaster.
Don't get me wrong. I am not asking for things to be worse, but we do have this uncanny way of avoiding major chaos. Like those mutant people who can sneeze politely.
Their brains may have just imploded, but all you hear from them is a whisper-quiet, fingers-over-mouth "ha-chi".
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Full column:
Can't fix the hole in the highway overnight?
First there were the flash floods, then the Great Western Singapore Blackout, the collapse of Nicoll Highway, and not long after that, the Ayer Rajah Fusionpolis cave-in. Next you will be telling me that they are bringing VR Man back on TV.
Not to be outdone, Kuala Lumpur had a power blackout too, on the 19th of April, and it happened during the morning rush hour. Anything Singapore can do, like have a power failure, Malaysia also boleh.
It never ceases to amaze me how Singapore can be efficient and orderly even when we have a disaster. Don’t get me wrong, I am not asking for things to be worse than it already is, but we do have this uncanny way of avoiding major chaos. Like those mutant people who can sneeze politely. Their brains may have just imploded, but all you hear from them is a whisper-quiet, fingers-over-mouth “ha-chi”.
Look at the recent power failures, for example. While KL’s happened right smack in the city centre and during rush hour, our power failure happened in the dead of night, near midnight, in fact, in the ulu Western part of Singapore (I am still getting hate mail from Westernites).
It is almost like the power cable that leaked was thinking, “I am a Singapore power cable. If I fail, it must be at the right time, or else it will not be patriotic. Or worse, they might label me an Undesirable Immigrant Cable and make me sell my house and migrate.”
Then there was the Fusionpolis cave-in. In any other country, a collapse of this scale, with so many steel bars, with that many workers working six floors underground and standing amongst the network of steel bars, would have resulted in massive deaths and public outcry. It was not the case in Singapore, although even one death is one death too many.
Our recent Nicoll Highway collapse is another example. You look at the photos and the videos, and no vehicles could be seen. No cars, no lorries and no motorbikes. Empty. Did everyone decide to drive some other route all at the same time?
In the morning after the collapse, I drove through Paya Lebar, my usual route to work. It is usually jammed with traffic, but that eerie morning, there was hardly any traffic. I just drove right through the streets like butter, only to hit the jam at the junction of Kallang and Victoria Street.
It may have been because Singapore drivers were all avoiding the routes leading to the Nicoll Highway. I heard everyone and their mother were on the ECP that morning. Or it may have been because Singaporeans are one kiasi lot, and were avoiding Paya Lebar because it was also a major site for Circle Line tunneling.
Suddenly, all those metal sheets pretending to be a road looked weak and uncertain. Even though we used to drive confidently over the noisy metal coverings of Paya Lebar every morning before the collapse. We only complained about the metal rumblings, the vibrations that rattled our teeth, and the feeling that our tires were being eaten by the metal teeth. But this surreal morning, we got collectively scared.
Some people reported flames and gas and explosions during that fateful afternoon. But so far, most of us have seen none of that footage, or heard an official explanation of those sightings. All we saw were the cops manning the entry points to the disaster site, as if kiasi Singaporeans would even dare to go near the site (they are already looking for cracks in their Paya Lebar homes).
“Move along, move along. Nothing here for you to see.”
If we could draw a giant curtain, like those you see around hospital beds, before the doctor takes off your pants to do something unpleasant or embarrassing, we probably would. Cannot let you come in and see the mess, wait till we clean up the mess a bit first, then maybe you can come in and take a look.
So we are rerouted around the site of chaos, to ensure that some semblance of order is maintained.
Of course there were collective groans when the Minister for Transport announced The Glaringly Obvious — that the Highway will take many months to re-open. We were hoping that, just like we can have instant trees sprout up overnight, our Government could pull a rabbit out of its hat and build some prefab, instant, just-add-water, temporary flyover or road over the collapsed site.
I mean, we can have instant container offices, temporary markets (while the original one is being renovated) and Lego-like lift shafts. How come the Government cannot fix this problem overnight? Build that Assemble-in-One-Night flyover lor! Build an extension into the sea that loops around site lor! Reduce the CTE and ECP morning ERP charges lor!
Do something, anything, as long as order is restored, and restored quickly. So that the authorities can announce in the media, that things were fixed within X minutes, that “it took only 20 minutes to restore power to the Marina area”, or “power was restored to most homes in the West within the hour”.
“We had this big gaping hole in the Highway, but we made a new inflatable road within 33 minutes. We will be installing instant lamp posts soon.”
That is what we want to hear, isn’t it? I doubt if things are so simple this time. Not everything can be fixed overnight. Not our economy, not our job situation, not a hole in a major Highway.
We are a small country with big dreams, and we have always overcome. Not enough land? Reclaim. Not enough roads? Dig underground. No natural resources? Become some kind of hub, biomedical hub, or another.
But underlying the foundations of our success are shifting sands that even the most carefully installed supporting walls may not hold back. And the reinforced steel bars of industry may not be strong enough to build our economic hub ambitions upon.
My dad used to have One Answer to all our driving needs whenever we had to go to the city - Merdeka Bridge, which leads to Nicoll Highway. He could never understand why we would drive via those silly new jammed Expressways like the CTE or PIE.
Need to go to Chinatown? Merdeka Bridge. Need to go to Orchard Road? Merdeka Bridge. Shenton Way? Merdeka Bridge.
Well, we may need to find new routes now. New answers (yes, we may need more than one). New ways of getting to where we want to go as a nation. And it will cost us more than just dust, road diversions and traffic jams. It will cost us blood, sweat, and even lives.
The world is changing faster than we can find neat answers to it. But like the true Singaporeans that we are, we will find new detours, remake our sacred cows, or leave the car at home for the MRT.
Because we kiasu and we kiasi, what.
mr brown is the accidental author of a popular website that has been documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997. He is now wondering if this year’s National Day Parade will be held in the hip and un-ulu Choa Chu Kang Stadium instead.
