Latest TODAY column: Roughing it Down Under
Excerpt:
YOU will not believe it, but I am writing this on a coin-operated Internet terminal in Victoria, Australia. I am in a backpacker's hostel, writing in the middle of the night, because it was the only place I could find with Internet access at this hour.
I am on vacation with my wife and we are having a great time exploring the Great Ocean Road near Melbourne. It's just that I never thought I'd be writing my column on a terminal that looks like an arcade machine with a keyboard and a trackball bolted onto a stainless steel top.
When I inserted the $2 coin, the terminal proceeded to dial out. Yes, it is using an old--school 56k (or less) modem — when I heard those modem squeals and whistles, I thought I had entered a time warp.
I am speaking like a typical Singaporean, of course. Always comparing things overseas with what we have back home.
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Full column:
Roughing it Down Under
You will not believe this but I am writing this on a coin-operated internet terminal in Apollo Bay, Great Ocean Road, Victoria, Australia. I am in a backpacker’s hostel, in the middle of the night, because it was the only place I could find that had any kind of internet access at this hour.
Actually, I am here on vacation, with my wife, and we are having a whale of a time exploring the Great Ocean Road near Melbourne. It’s just that I never expected to be writing my column on a coin-operated terminal that looks like an arcade machine with a keyboard attached, and a trackball that is bolted onto a stainless steel top. And when I inserted the $2 coin, the terminal proceeded to dial out. Yes, it is using an old school 56k (or less) modem to connect me to the internet. When I heard those modem squeals and whistles, I thought I had entered a time warp, but still extremely glad that I can still send this column in.
I am speaking like a typical Singaporean, of course. Always comparing things overseas with what we have back home.
As you have probably guessed by now, I have no Idea what is going on at home. I have not looked at a Singapore newspaper or news site for almost a week now. So if we had another blackout, or some new Government committee has been created, or another country has called us a booger and other crude things, I am unable to make fun of it this time. I mean, all we get here on Australian TV is Australian news. Not a sniff of Singapore stuff. I must say I am appalled. Back home, our news channels would have carried at least a bit of news about Australia. The least they can do is cover some Singapore news, right? All I know right now is that the ruling party of Australia has won in a big way, and the Opposition party here was thrashed. Wait a minute, that’s does sound a bit like our political situation at home too.
Hang on, let me put another coin into the machine, I am running out of internet time...
As I said, I am on vacation in Melbourne, and we have been to quite a number of places so far.
We checked out the Melbourne Observatory, which, for Aud$12.50 each, you could see most of Melbourne city from 55 floors up in a viewing platform. We enjoyed the view, it was great, but we were thinking, the Westin hotel’s revolving top is higher, right? And it was free of charge too (but must buy drinks, lah). Spoken like a true Singaporean.
While we are on the topic of high buildings, we noticed that outside of the city, most of the buildings were low-rise. I mean, coming from Singapore, where almost every building is high (even some terrace houses, have you seen some of the ridiculous “attics”?), and every other building is an HDB block, it was a bit of a culture shock. We drove many kilometres without encountering a single HDB highrise. Most peculiar. People here seemed to enjoy living close to the ground. It seemed like quite a waste of vertical space, if you ask me.
I have to say though, cars here are really cheap. We spent many a good evening watching Australian TV (because shops generally close at 5pm, another alien concept to the Singaporean shoppers in us), and saw many a car commercial. Many of the cars here cost less than a COE back home! When the TV salesman said “$29,999 cheap!”, we nodded our heads and agreed! That was a huge car for the money, even taking into account our pathetic Singapore to Australian dollar exchange rate.
Another thing we discovered in Australia was the food. I have so far seen Durian gelato ice cream, bak cho mee (minced pork noodles) and Singapore Fried noodles. I am quite impressed to find such local fare here, but what on earth is “Singapore Fried Noodles”? It seems to be this dish that Singaporeans can only taste if they go overseas. I have never seen a Singapore hawker sell that.
Also, it is somewhat hard to find spicy food here. The spicy food here has been scientifically manipulated to be more suitable for Aussie tastebuds. In other words, if you ask for the spicy Thai curry in the restaurant, expect your tongue and tastebuds to laugh. “THIS is spicy? Hahahahahahahaha!” your tastebuds will say.
One thing the Singapore body will need time to get used to is the crazy weather. One moment it is cold and windy, like 10 degrees celsius. And the next it is 32 degrees in the shade. Within the same day, mind you. Coming from SIngapore, where the weather is uniformly hot throughout the year, “with scattered showers in few areas”, adjusting to the weather changes here was quite a challenge. I am surprised the Government here does not do something about it. I am sure if the Singapore Government had to deal with this wildly changing weather patterns, they would come up with some kind of law and committee (and maybe a campaign) to look into how to create consistent weather.
I have to say, though, that Australians know how to take care of their old and disabled. Many of the attractions that we visited had disabled access and even buggies to drive old folks to the attractions. Where have you ever seen a buggy service for old folks at ANY Singapore attraction? The Singapore approach to the disabled and the old, in contrast to the Australian one, seems to be more like “You die your business” (to quote an old Cantonese saying). If you are too old to walk to the forest attraction, or see a penguin parade, maybe you should be at home watching tv serials instead of inconveniencing the rest of us able-bodied folk, would be the Singapore way of doing things.
We also saw a lot of forest and sea. We went to this one forest called Otway Fly Walk, where you got to walk along steel structures built above the trees so that you can see the canopies of huge trees. The first thing we thought when we saw the 47m high tower was “got lift or not?”. I wanted to call home to tell someone about this great view I was getting of the forest, but my handphone had no coverage. Imagine that! No mobile network coverage in the Otway forests. Like that how to pass the IDA 99.99999% coverage test? Sure fail one.
I have to go now, my internet time is almost up and I have run out of coins. I promise next week, I will make fun of local things again. I really miss my kids and my laptop.
mr brown is the accidental author of a popular website that has been documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997. He will never complain about his computer again.
