Latest TODAY column: "Leave" means more work
Excerpt:
You discover a lot of things about your children when you go on leave. I found out that my autistic daughter could scale monkey bars twice my height in double-quick time. Now I know why they tell you to have children early, because when you are middle-aged with back problems, you don't want to be chasing your daughter up monkey bars. Or around the park.
I also learned that you can buy the nicest fire truck toy or the cutest doll for them as Christmas presents, but they will pull the toy out, and play with the box and wrappers. Next Christmas, I'm going to save some money and just buy boxes.
And don't believe a word when they say Leave is when you get away from work. Leave is just the time you do the work around the house you had no time to do when you are working.
Like cleaning out the storeroom that you don't dare to open the door to anymore, clearing the study desk of a year's worth of paperwork, and fulfilling your solemn wedding vow to throw away all your boxes of old computer cables.
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Full column:
"Leave" means more work
The two kids are refusing to take their naps or sleep early these two weeks. For a three-and-a-half-year-old girl and her fourteen-months-old brother, sleep can wait, because having mom and dad at home for a few days in a row is a rare treat. Suddenly every day is a weekend.
The wife and I are on leave, and while we are enjoying the time we have with our kids, we are thinking that maybe when we get back to work, we can get some sleep again.
We did manage to get some errands done. For instance, we needed to pick up Isaac’s passport from the Immigration and Checkpoints Authority (an organization that is so efficient, it is scary).
I had applied online for his passport but the photo I submitted was not clear enough. So we had to go down personally with him to take a new photo, and do the collection on the spot.
The info counter told me earlier on that at least one parent had to come down with the applicant (my son). So being the family that we are, we went down with not just Isaac, but his Grandpa, Grandma, Mommy, Papa, and sister Faith. We even dressed him in a collared polo shirt (because as we all know, collars are a sign of respectability in Singapore).
And like the well-oiled military unit that we are, we split up to scout for the best photo booth, since there was one on every floor from the second to the fifth levels.
We chose the fourth floor booth, for its interior that exuded photographic professionalism, for its friendly yet competent staff. And also because it had the least number people queuing. Ok, it was only because it had the least number of people queuing.
When it came to Isaac’s turn, Mommy had to hold him up to reach the camera lens in the booth, while he looked bewildered at the crowd outside. Photo Auntie, who was the Master of this Domain, told my wife that his hair had to be combed up, away from his forehead. But his fringe refused to be obedient, so Photo Auntie whipped out her Secret Weapon, The Water Spray.
This is not your glamourous water spray found in those soft-focus glamour photo studios, but the kind that we use for ironing clothes at home. But hey, it did the job, and a few squirts of Hair de la Water later, they could actually comb his unruly hair. That is why he looks so “hemsome” in passport photo (except for the visible fingers of Mommy under his armpits).
You discover a lot of things about your children too, when you go on leave. I found out that my autistic daughter could scale monkey bars twice my height in double-quick time. Now I know why they tell you to have children early, because when you are middle-aged with back problems, you really don’t want to be chasing your daughter up monkey bars. Or around the park.
I also learned that you can buy the nicest fire truck toy or the cutest doll for them as Christmas presents, but they will pull the toy out, and play with the box and wrappers. Next Christmas, I’m going to save some money and just buy boxes.
And don’t believe a word when they say Leave is when you get away from work. Leave is just the time you do the work around the house you had no time to do when you are working.
Like cleaning out the storeroom that you don’t dare to open the door to anymore, clearing the study desk of an entire year’s worth of paperwork, and fulfilling your solemn wedding vow to your spouse to throw away all your boxes of old computer cables.
I have to say it is nice to be able to read the papers slowly over breakfast. That is how I get to pick up on news like the latest proposed idea for the casino: a $100-a-day, or $2000-a-year entrance fee for locals.
So what you’re telling me is that before I even play, I already have a $100 loss to recover? What an attractive option.
The Cantonese have a phrase for this, “mei doh seen xu”, The Hokkien version is “buay puak seng suu”. In English, we would say “haven’t play lose already”.
Only in Singapore, man.
Still, it is hard to complain about life in Singapore. My kids and wife are safely at home with me. I do have two more errands to run before my leave ends. One is to count my blessings, and the other is to make a donation to the Red Cross for the Earthquake and tsunami victims, and see what else I can do to help. See you all in the New Year, and God bless.
mr brown is the accidental author of a popular website that has been documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997. He needs to work out to get in shape for parenthood.
