Agagooga has a bunch of these quotes he collects from his uni lectures and tutorials, which will probably not get you high grades but will certainly be worth a laugh or two.
The only thing that bothers me is, with all this quote-taking, how does he remember the rest of the lecture, you know, the part that talks about actual subject?
Here are some of my favourites from his current crop:
[On sending email] If you are 'Tan Meiling', tell me you are 'Tan Meiling'. Don't put there: 'Blue Devil', 'Golden Arrow'. I don't know who you are. (won't)
[On class quizzes] Some of you like to do this. Your tutorial is on Thursday. You come for the Tuesday class, you get all the answers, then you come on Thursday.
A student came up to me. 'Can we have more interaction?'. So I began to ask questions. But he did not want to answer questions. I think he just wanted to observe them [interacting].
Some of my colleagues... Oprah Winfrey. Walk around with the mic.
Just nod your head or laugh, so I know you've understood.
Switch off the front lights? Ok. I'm gonna switch off the front lights. I'm also an electrician [not just a lecturer]
I don't know what's wrong with the first row. NUS disease. Everyone sitting in the first row is contaminated.
[On reasons for doing the module] The main reason is you have to get rid of your science requirement... and you don't want to do physics. I fully understand. I also don't want to do physics.
West Berlin. Those were the good old days, when we had a wall. Everything was subsidised.
Apparently some people enjoyed the readings so much last semester that they stole them
[On formatting essays for submission] You don't need to put my name on it, I know what it is.
Everyone thinks that they know about English Literature, so they can talk about it... Science, we are slightly better, we pretend that everything is very complicated.
Can you have science without a paradigm? [Student: No] Primary school: One word answers. Secondary school: Two word sentences. Tertiary education: Full sentences.
American textbooks make the world so easy, but they're very heavy to carry around. Because what can be explained in half a page, they take ten pages to cover. That's why they're so easy.
This is what the private sector does all the time. Con you with statistics. Nowadays, with Excel - very nice graphs... Distract you from the important data.