Latest TODAY column: Crow it loud and clear (Chinese New Year Supplement)
Excerpt:
Some will argue that this is the only time for many to go on holiday, but I suspect for some, it is to escape having to answer awkward questions.
Questions like "When you getting married ah?"
Or, if you are married, "When you having kids ah?"
Or if you already have one kid, "When you having the next kid ah?"
For the modern Singapore couple, for whom it is normal to work on your career first, marry late, like 35, and have kids at 40 (or two dogs, whichever comes first), these are difficult questions to deal with without strangling some relative's neck, which as we all know, is inauspicious to do on the Lunar New Year.
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Full column:
Crow it loud and clear (Chinese New Year Supplement)
Chinese New Year is significant this year because this is the year of the Rooster (I thought of using Cock, but thought better of it). To be exact, it is the Year of the Green Wood Rooster. The green symbolizes youth, hope and spring (spring chicken?). And wood as a substance represents family. That’s what I read anyway. I am an Earth Rooster.
Another reason why it is important is that is does not fall on Saturday, like the most recent Christmas and New Year holidays, which for most of us, was a lame thing. No, Chinese New Year falls on Tuesday and Wednesday, and as savvy Singapore workers know, it is time to exercise the “Bridging Leave Principle” where one day of leave strategically placed on a Friday will lead to a super-long weekend. It is also the time savvy employers exercise the “Turn Down Leave Application Principle”.
All this trouble to take some overpriced holidays.
This seems to be a yearly phenomenon, what some call “tao nian” or escaping from the New Year festivities. Singaporeans would rather spend all that money on peak holiday prices (to be booked at least three months early) than to hang around and visit family.
Some will argue that this is the only time for many to go on holiday, but I suspect for some, it is to escape having to answer awkward questions.
Questions like “When you getting married ah?”
Or, if you are married, “When you having kids ah?”
Or if you already have one kid, “When you having the next kid ah?”
For the modern Singapore couple, for whom it is normal to work on your career first, marry late, like 35, and have kids at 40 (or two dogs, whichever comes first), these are difficult questions to deal with without strangling some relative’s neck, which as we all know, is inauspicious to do on Chinese New Year.
Besides traveling, Singaporeans also have this thing for buying new cars before Chinese New Year. This is something that car dealers look forward to every year. It is such an accepted fact of life that if you go to a car dealership a few weeks before Chinese New Year, the car salesman will make it his sacred duty to inform you that if you order now, you will only get it after Chinese New Year.
Perhaps it is the thrill of driving a new car in the New Year. Or a need to show the relatives that one has done well. I can see how you can show off a car if the place of visitation is a private house, but if the relative you are visiting is living in a flat, how do you do that “Look at me arriving in my new car!” deal?
Do you call ahead, and say, “Hello, Fifth Aunt, I am almost reaching your place in my NEW car. If you look out the window now, you can see me. It’s the new-looking silver Toyota, yes that’s me pulling in!”
“What’s that? No, Fifth Aunt, we haven’t had kids yet. Too busy working lah, yes, buy car very expensive in Singapore one.”
I think I will get really rich if I start selling New Year clothes with meaningful messages on them. My line of CNY clothing will say stuff like:
“Planning to have kids really soon. In fact, having unprotected sex once we get home.”
And,
“I have a new car parked downstairs. Go look.”
And,
“Already got girlfriend, please stop trying to hook me up with your friend’s tuition teacher’s dog-walker’s ugly daughter.”
It would save everyone a lot of trouble, and we can then focus on the true festivities, which is eating, drinking and running the traditional Chinese New Year in-house casino (no $100 fee needed to play).
With luck, I may even be able to afford a new car next year, to be delivered before the Year of the Fire Dog.
mr brown is the accidental author of a popular website that has been documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997. He cannot wait for the Kongsi kongsi music to stop being blasted in shops. Aarrgh.
