Latest TODAY column: The Tao of Pok
Excerpt:
On page one of yesterday's edition of Today, there was a story about a jilted woman who ripped off one of her former lover's testicles with her bare hands after he refused to have sex with her.
Wince.
This was not the kind of news I wanted to read when I sat down for breakfast with my wife.
I was eating fishball noodles at the time and I could not bring myself to eat my second-last fishball. Not after I read the part where the woman tried to hide the testicle in her mouth.
Wince.
Big mouth that I am, I couldn't resist telling my wife: "Eh, dear. News got this woman ripped off her ex-lovers testicle, leh."
Shudder.
My wife had to ask awkward questions such as: "Isn't the whole thing inside one, er, bag? How did she remove just one?"
"She unscrewed it with a screwdriver, lah," I wanted to tell her, wincing again, struggling with my last fishball. That's it, tomorrow I eat bee hoon with taupok, I told myself.
Ah, taupok. Everyone's favourite beancurd. It is also the term used to describe the ragging that takes place during junior college orientation.
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Full column:
The Tao of Pok
Yesterday, there was on the front page of TODAY, a story of a jilted woman who ripped off her former lover's testicle with her bare hands after he refused to have sex with her.
Wince.
This was not the kind of news I wanted to read when I sat down for breakfast with my wife.
I was eating fishball noodles at the time. And I could not bring myself to eat my second last fishball. I just couldn’t. Not after I read the part where the woman tried to hide it by putting it inside her mouth.
Wince.
I regretted bringing up the subject to my wife. As a loving couple, we really shouldn’t be discussing such topics at the start of a lovely day. But me and my big mouth, just had to say, “Eh, dear. News got this woman ripped off her ex-lover’s testicle leh.”
Shudder.
My good wife had to ask awkward questions. Like, “Isn’t the whole thing inside one er, bag? How did she remove just one?”
She unscrewed it with a screwdriver, lah, I wanted to tell her, wincing again, struggling with my last fishball. That’s it, tomorrow, I will eat Beehoon with taupok.
Ah, taupok. Everyone’s favourite bean curd. It is also the term used to describe the ragging that takes place during junior college orientation, where someone shouts “taupok!” and as many guys as possible will try to pile themselves on top of the target, or the taupokee. In Western countries, this is called a pile-on.
This is a dangerous and silly game, of course (which adolescent game is not?). And a parent whose son was studying “in a premier junior college in the Bishan-Ang Mo Kio area”, where this game took place, complained to the press, calling for an end to taupoking.
The Education Ministry made a statement, The school principal made a statement. A consultant orthopaedic surgeon was interviewed to ensure that everyone understood how dangerous taupoking can be.
So now, students from the premier junior college in the Bishan-Ang Mo Kio area have been banned from taupoking.
I hear that there are plans to create stickers, not unlike those gross ones found on cigarette packets, to warn against the dangers of taupoking. There will be one sticker with a student suffering from rib fractures, and another sticker featuring a chap with broken arms. The worst sticker will be the one with an image of the student whose father complained to the press about taupoking, alone with no more friends at school. That last one would be the most frightening.
Taupoking is hazardous to your health, says the Surgeon General. Your father complaining to the press is hazardous to your social life, says mr brown.
I am told that most of the time, only guys play this game. I am not sure if the girls do it too, but I have been told that a witness has seen at least two all-girl taupoks in his time at school. So, pardon my middle-aged ignorance, but if it is an all-girl taupok, is it called a tauhuay?
And if it is a mixed taupok, God forbid, is it known as a tausuan?
What if the guys taupoking are of an alternative persuasion? Taugay?
And if a Singapore Idol is taupok-ed, would we call it a Taufik?
Some will argue that this generation of young people are too soft to taupok, and overprotective parents are creating a generation of taufu.
Others argue that we must not encourage young people to pursue dangerous activities, especially under peer pressure (if you have seven guys on top of you, that would be peer pressure).
I think we need to go further to discourage these games. Make that one sticker with the guy who just lost one ball. That will make any bloke stop taupoking.
It is somewhat hard to explain to a westerner what a taupok looks like, I have found. I mean the real one. I tried using Google to find one, but there are very few photos of taupoks, or the ones I found showed taupoks together with other vegetables, like in a Rojak. Very few shots of taupoks alone. Taupoks can be quite shy when it comes to having their photos taken, I think.
So being the hardworking columnist that I am, I deliberately lined up to have Yong Tau Fu for lunch, even though the queue was very long. And when the stallholder was not looking, I used my camera-phone to snap some taupoks in their untainted glory. All this to help my readers better understand the difference between a regular taupok, and a JC Student one.
I think that we should also start looking into other areas to minimize danger for our young people. Like National Service training. I am sure there are a lot of potentially dangerous activities and peer pressures there (the boys carry guns, for goodness’ sake!).
What if they are doing the Standard Obstacle Course and my son falls down from that monkey bar? What if he is crawling through the jungles of Brunei and some nasty insect bites him (enter the consultant insect-bite surgeon to make a statement)? What if the other recruits use peer pressure to make my son say bad words and smoke?
Better start writing letters to Mindef now. National Service is just two years away for most Junior College guys. Even for the ones from a premier junior college in the Bishan-Ang Mo Kio area.
mr brown is the accidental author of a popular website that has been documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997. He wants to know what the name of that other orientation game is, the one where they grab a guy and slam him, legs open, at a big pillar.