I read that there are plans to legislate to curb the Aids epidemic. In the proposed change in legislation, any HIV-positive person who has unprotected sex, or intends to have unprotected sex with someone, would have committed a criminal offence — even if he did not know of his own condition.
I say go all the way, man. Get these HIV-infected people to wear a badge, or at least a T-shirt, that proclaims their promiscuous and risky lifestyle to everyone, so we know to avoid them. Better yet, tattoo everyone who is HIV-positive.
I think we need to also clarify what “intends to have unprotected sex with someone” means. I think we need to be strict about this. If you have HIV, even if you didn’t know it, and you so much as look at a woman (or a man, depending what you like) with lust in your eyes, the Sex Police will arrest you.
I mean, you die your business lah. Don’t spread your immoral lifestyle to others who are living clean mah.
In fact, I heard that a charity concert by gay pop duo Jason and deMarco was not approved by the MDA, because “alternative lifestyles are against the public interest” and "these singers use their musical performance and their own example of being a couple to celebrate and promote a gay lifestyle”.
While I am not familiar with the gay music scene, not being of this persuasion myself, I am curious as to what this duo performs on stage that is so appalling. Do they take their clothes off in mid-song to engage in acts that contravene Singapore Penal code 377?
Maybe we should ban all concerts by performers with dubious and risky lifestyles. At least only admit performers who declare on their Customs form that they never have risky sex, or are not HIV positive. That will help society.
We will only have respectable classical music concerts, the kind where the patrons do not feel like going off and have unprotected sex with strangers after the performance.
But not Tchaikovsky’s music though. That one must also ban. He was gay. Oh, and no Elton John concerts too. That one also a bit off, one. You can tell from his big fancy glasses and his loud dressing.
I say we should set up testing centres at all Red Light Districts (in fact, I think we should ban them too). All patrons at houses of disrepute will have to undergo compulsory testing. Remember to bring your IC and comb your hair. Your picture will be taken.
Don’t worry, like CCTVs, all this is for your safety only, and will not be used against you, unless you plan to rob a 7-Eleven while buying a condom, or you plan to have sex without that condom.
In fact, I think we should legislate against sex. This sex thing seems to be spreading all these evil diseases, and Singaporeans who want to have sex must be medically checked first, and they must be married and plan to have children. Then they can get their Certificate of Consented Sex (COCS). And also the Precoitus Universal Safety Instructions (PUSI)
So make sure the next time you plan to have sex, go and get your Government-issued COCS and PUSI first. Remember, the only Safe Sex is Government-Approved Sex.