Latest TODAY column: Run first, blog later
Excerpt:
Singapore has been receiving its share of tremors lately from the earthquakes nearby.
While earthquakes are serious events and should not be a source of humour, like many things in Singapore (race, religion and Government policies), some Singaporean reactions to the tremors can be bizarre.
Who can forget the brave soul who was typing in a local Internet forum: "My block is shaking!!!!!!!"?
What are you doing typing this on your computer, while your flat is shaking from unknown tremors?
Shouldn't you grab your precious belongings like your "Ready Bag" (the one that Singaporeans are supposed to pack, but no one does), your Louis Vuitton shoes and your Xbox — and just run for it?
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Full column:
Run first, blog later
Singapore has been receiving its share of tremors lately, from the earthquakes nearby. While earthquakes are serious things and should not be a source of humour, like many things in Singapore (race, religion and government policies), some Singaporean reactions to the tremors can be quite bizarre.
Who can forget the brave soul who was typing in a local internet forum “My block is shaking!!!!!!!”
What are you doing typing this on your computer while your flat is shaking from unknown tremors? Shouldn’t you grab your precious belongings like your Ready Bag (the one that Singaporeans are supposed to pack but no one does), your Louis Vuitton shoes, and your Xbox, and just run for it?
But no, here we are, typing in our forums and blogs, about tremors shaking our homes. Eh, 7-exclamation-marks tremor, mind you.
Is Singapore so safe as to lead our people to think that no tremor can be dangerous enough to cause a disaster? I suspect most of us have this belief that earthquakes will never hit Singapore, because the Government will never allow it.
If an earthquake wanted to hit us, it would have to apply at the relevant Government agency, and the agency will decide whether to approve the earthquake. For instance, the earthquake’s application may be rejected if it promotes alternative lifestyles that are against the public interest.
Question 1: Do you plan to promote alternative lifestyles that are against Penal Code 377?Question 2: Do you plan to introduce casino gambling to the country but in a controlled manner, as part of an integrated resort?
Question 3: Do you plan to just destroy a few buildings?
If the earthquake answers “yes” to Question 1, it would have no chance in heck to come to Singapore and shake things up, not even if it plans to have a charity concert and it is only planning to rock Sentosa .
If it answers “yes” to Questions 2 and 3, maybe still can appeal.
In fact, if the earthquake wanted to apply to hit Singapore, it would probably have to apply online, with its own Singpass. If it can get through the server congestion, that is.
I can imagine Singaporean parents telling their kids, “Don’t worry, the Gahmen, gatekeepers of all that is true and moral, is on top of it, even earthquake also cannot befall us one. Just wait for the Gahmen to tell us what to do, the TV sure have one. We are not lemmings, ok? People run doesn’t mean we need to run too.”
For a kiasu and kiasi nation, we certainly have a lot of confidence in our little island’s ability to avoid disaster.
Of course, there is the other Singapore characteristic when it comes to disasters. Comprain.
Since the tremors happened, people have been calling hotlines at the drop of a hat.
I know there were some new tremors on Monday, people, but maybe you want to go to the window and check if there is a big truck rumbling by your flat before you make that call?
Or maybe your neighbour is playing Halo 2 on his Xbox with the Surround Sound System at full blast?
Or maybe it was your overweight husband snoring away next to you?
I think Singaporeans should consider having an emergency plan to evacuate to Johor Bahru should there be any bad tremors. The food, the groceries and petrol there are cheaper. Make it a day trip, and come back to Singapore only after the all-clear is given.
We don’t want our northern neighbour to think we are avoiding JB because of the Singapore press reports of allegedly criminals targeting Singaporeans there. I assure you, my Malaysian friends have told me that JB crime is not like that.
Their robbers hit both Singaporeans and Malaysians equally. So please don’t be so kiasi, and go visit JB soon.
mr brown is the accidental author of a popular website that has been documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997. He did not feel any tremors because he sleeps like a log.
