I love Steven Seagal, man.
I just watched this great movie (probably went straight to video) on HBO, where he does a Die Hard in Alcatraz.
Sure he has put on some weight — he has gone from two chins to three — and his body is flabbier. But he is still Seagal, and when he gives you his icy stare, you just know he is going to kick someone's ass.
In this movie, he also did not have his trademark ponytail. I suppose you have to have hair for a ponytail. But he more than makes up for it with a macho bandana on his head. Bandana Seagal, accessories sold separately.
I have no idea what the plot is. I can hardly hear what Seagal is mumbling. It does not matter. This is Seagal, not Shakespeare.
I tell Miyagi over MSN:
Me: wah Seagal
Me: no more bullet
Me: must use hands liao
Me: Shaolin slap
The Slap of Shaolin. A Steven Seagal special. That bad guy damn lucky to die this way. Not everyone gets to die by the Slap of Shaolin. Most of them just get shot. It takes a very special henchman to fall by the Slap of Shaolin.
I hear this time, Steven did all his own acting.
Me: i like him
Me: no pretensions
Me: just fight
Me: Die hard in alcatraz
Me: and he does all his own acting
Miyagi: not much to act.
Miyagi: shoot, kick, chop.
Miyagi: talk a bit.
Me: it is hard to act stoic ok?
Me: no smile
Me: all chins
Miyagi: tay ping hui must learn from him.
His range is so wide. From the Thoughtful Seagal Squint™ to the Angry Seagal Squint™. I wept when he said his wife was killed by the bad guys. I just know he will pay them back.
Me: wah, Steven acting sad
Miyagi: hah. sad still whack people one.
Me: His wife killed by bad guys
Me: two bullets in the chest
Miyagi: happy whack, sad whack
Me: that's why he is undercover
Me: get the bad guy
Me: whack under all feelings
Seagal wins in the end, of course. He is all man, all hero, all chin.