mrbrown.com

Take me as I am

It's always a challenge take the whole family to church on Sundays.

Isaac, aged 4, is not a problem. Joy, aged 2, is too sticky to be left alone in the church nursery.

And Faith, aged 6, needs supervision by one of us, or by our one of our helpers, or someone trained to deal with kids with autism. Although we have two domestic helpers, one would be on her Day Off that day.

So Isaac has been the only regular goer with us. Mommy wanted to change that, and suggested we try again on Sunday, to go as a full entourage.

We dropped Isaac off at his Sunday School, and asked the nursery if there was a way to accommodate Faith somehow. Our helper can manage both Joy and Faith at the same time, we said. And also, Faith has a passive manifestation of the condition and does not tantrum, hit others or herself. But we were told, sorry but Faith is too old to be placed with the small children, even with your maid's presence.

The volunteers suggested placing Faith in the older Sunday School class for her age group but we couldn't do that as the volunteers there were not trained to deal with special kids, and would not know how to deal with Faith's condition should she get overwhelmed by her surroundings, or needs her diaper changed.

In the end, the wife and I decided to take Faith with us to the service, knowing she will be okay for the first half, the worship, and knowing one of us will have to take her outside when the sermon started because she would be restless and noisy by then.

I understand the difficulty of accommodating families with special needs kids in a church that has to deal with hundreds of kids on a Sunday morning. But I could not help feeling sad.

When will Faith find her place in this society? When will she find her place in God's House? How do we plan to accept kids like her for who they are, in our families, in our communities, and in our places of worship?

Children with autism are not naughty uncontrollable kids, even if their behaviour is sometimes violent or disruptive. I should know, Faith came home from Special School a few days ago with bleeding bite marks on her left hand and her right forearm, courtesy of her more exuberant classmates. I just shrugged and said to the wife, we'll just have to tell the teachers to watch out for these moments and prevent them from happening. Her classmates who bit her did not mean to do it. Their sensory difficulties and communication problems can lead to these inappropriate social responses.

And you cannot tell from their faces either, that they are children with a very serious condition.

Kids with autism are kids who very often inhabit their own world with its own set of rules and its own sensory reality. But that does not mean our "normal" world should leave them there.

I held her in the worship service, singing the songs, clapping her hands, and I felt torn between the joy of worshipping with my daughter, and heartbroken that she was here because she had no where to go.

"Look there below, see the child
Trembling by her father's side
Now I can tell You why
She is why You must die"

-"Why" from the album "This Mystery", by Nichole Nordeman

Bintan trip: Wall... of death!

Continuing our journey into the deserted "Outdoor Adventure" part of the resort, I take on my youngest brother's challenge to scale this wall, which he already did. I took off my shoes and leaped to the wall in search of honour and glory!

Bintan trip: Plank... of death!

The kids were taking their nap, and so we wondered into the deserted "Outdoor Adventure" part of the resort.

The area is like a mini-Outward Bound School. There were walls to climb, ropes to swing from, and this plank which I attempted to balance. Do not try this at home, kiddies. I am a trained professional.

Bintan trip: sandcastles on the beach

After a hearty Indonesian dinner in Kota Sebung, we ended Saturday night with a surprise birthday cake for mom. My younger brother arranged for it to be sent to our room. In fact, this whole holiday was his idea and his doing. The staff at the Angsana resort, especially Nelly and Khun Kai, really took very good care of us.

We bought some plastic beach toys (spades, buckets and shapes) at Pasar Oleh Oleh, a small touristy kampong-style bunch of shops in town. In Cantonese, we call this kind of tourist trap "one eye see all". A wikitravel entry calls Bintan resorts "a colony of Singapore in all but name" and it is pretty accurate. Heck, most items are priced in USD or SGD, and even the hawker centre in town has hygiene ratings like Singapore's, ranging from A to D. There was even a poster declaring the food free from Bird Flu ("Our chickens are from Brazil").

The kids got up early on Sunday morning and we let them play on the beach. Joy didn't like the sand too much, and it took her a little while to join her siblings on the beach and in the waters.

The beach was fairly clean despite the monsoon season. We were blessed with very good weather, with only a short shower or two on the first day and none on the second. There was a person cleaning the beach and raking up leaves and debris, which also accounted for the cleanliness.

Isaac and his cousins built little structures with the shapes and spades we bought, and Faith just enjoyed the sensation of sand running through her fingers. I made the kids and maids put the live gong-gong cockles back in the water, telling them it would be a pain to bring them home (not to mention a little environmentally unfriendly).

The kids swam in the pool after their beach time and this was enough to knock them out for the afternoon, leaving the wife and I to go for our spa appointment with my youngest brother.

We got our Ibu's Secret massage (fancy name for a deep tissue massage in Balinese style, with an oil which is supposed to be good for your skin), and we chose to have the open-air veranda overlooking the pool and beach for our session.

The 90-minute session was really 60 minutes of massage and 30 minutes of "calm time" where you get to drink your ginger tea and enjoy the view. So if you want a longer massage, you need to choose the 120-minute one (90 minutes of massage and 30 minutes of ahem, "calm time"). Service from the spa staff was excellent, and pampered us.

I spotted some mountain bikes for guests to use parked outside the hotel. Pity I did not have as much time, I would have gone for a nice ride with the wife. They even provided helmets. The bikes were a little old but two of them were 7 or 8-speed Treks. Not bad leh.

In the lobby area, there is a PC for internet surfing and more importantly, free wifi access. So I sat in the lobby with my N95, doing my updates and checking email. Upload and download speeds were very decent.

The kitchenettes in our suites were handy for reheating food we could not finish from meals, and to make cup noodles for snacks. You do want to take some of your own food along if you don't want to eat hotel meals all the time, or make your way to town for makan.

We spotted monkeys along the way to town, even a baby bat which fell out of a beach umbrella we opened. For swaku Singaporeans who are used to our concrete jungle, being surrounded by this much nature was refreshing.

We enjoyed our family outing so much, we were already talking about a next trip somewhere else, maybe somewhere in Malaysia. Preferably without seasickness for the kids. Another tempting idea was also to come back to Bintan without the kids, just the wife and I, chilling on our own.

Anyway, I am glad my younger brother took the initiative to organise this, and dragged our lazy asses to this island for some family time.

(More photos at my Bintan Flickr photoset)

Bintan trip: Our first family holiday in years

Our entire family is spending the weekend in Bintan, and when I say entire family, I mean all fourteen of us: mom, dad, my wife and I, my three kids, my two maids, my younger brother and his two little girls, my youngest brother and his fiance.

We had to book a school bus (the one that takes Faith to her special school, my mom is really pals with the driver), to take all of us to Tanah Merah Ferry Point. Making sure we did not lose kids or luggage was a real challenge.

Mom, in true form, misplaced her bag of food in our mad rush to board, but the ferry staff located her mobile tuckshop just before the ferry left.

The posters advertising Bintan proclaim that the resort is just 45 minutes away from Singapore via ferry. What they don't say is that you will spend 30 minutes of that 45 minutes puking your guts out and/or calming your kids who are puking their guts out too and bawling in their discomfort.

The monsoon season was probably a bad time for us to go on a ferry ride. Isaac threw up and then thankfully fell asleep. Joy mercilously merlioned, twice, all over her Ah Sok, my youngest brother, who foolishly brought her to the front of the lurching ferry. Faith was very upset, and threw up twice, crying and screaming as she experienced her first seasickness.

My younger brother's two kids, little troopers that they are, did not get seasick at all.

The choppy waters made most of the other passengers seasick too, and the captain of the ferry took pains to ensure his men gave out as many barf bags as needed.

And when we were reaching the Bintan ferry terminal, the captain cheerfully announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, you will be pleased to know that we're 5 minutes from calm waters."

"Too late," my mom and I said out loud, in unison. And then we laughed as we cleaned up the mess on my kids.

But the longest 45-minute ferry ride of our lives was quickly forgotten when we reached the hotel. The kids ran to the beach to play in the sand after a hearty lunch for fourteen, by the sea.

I think our loud and noisy party pretty much ended any couple's idea of a romantic weekend here. I didn't see anyone with as many kids as us.

The suites we got were facing the sea, and when we first checked in, the wife just sat in the living room, facing the balcony, soaking in the view.

"I can sit here forever, man," she said, as the sounds of the sea and the smell of the burning aromatherapy oils filled our room.

We had to take extra care of Faith because the railings along the corridors and room balcony were rather low and she likes to climb over these things. Outside we held her hand firmly, because she had the tendency to bolt, especially when she sees pools.

We then went swimming after the beach sand time. I had a great time watching Faith swim towards me in the deep pool, in her own swimming style. I moved further and further back from the wall to see how far she could go, and she made it quite far, though she screamed her disapproval when I made her swim too far. One day when my six-year-old can speak, it might be easier to teach her proper swimming techniques.

The kids then had their afternoon nap, so the wife and I, with my youngest brother and his fiance, wondered around the resort, to check out the spa services, and to try the obstacle course in the deserted Outdoor Adventure area. Then it was time for a little afternoon coffee.

It was a tranquil moment in our short madcap three-generation vacation.

First ride of 2008: Coastal Park Connector

It was the morning of the first day of the New Year. I loaded up two foldies, a Dahon Curve and a Dahon Vitesse D7 into the car, and drove to East Coast Park.

The two folding bikes fitted nicely inside our compact car. I only needed to take down one part of the rear seat to make room for the two foldies. The Curve fits the tiny boot without seat changes, if it is alone. The Sirion 1.5 Sport is a very versatile little car too.

Parking at Carpark G, we set off to try the new 7.9km Coastal Park Connector that was part of the Eastern Park Connector Network.

I rode the 16-inch Curve because I reckoned the red Vitesse D7 with the bigger 20-inch wheels and the 7 speeds would be an easier bike for her to handle. The Curve has a 3-speed hub and is a tad twitchier. So I let her ride the stock Vitesse. She got comfortable with it very quickly. Frankly, I think she would have been fine with either bike.

We were doing about 15 to 20kmh, a leisurely pace but the wife got confident over time and even rode at 30kmh for a bit. She told me later, she wished every day was like this, riding freely in the breeze.

We rode for about 35 minutes, then stopped for a water break, and then rode back. If you ride this park connector all the way, you can reach Changi Beach Park. I didn't want to tax the wife too much, since she does not ride as often as I do, so we took it easy and rode about 14km in total.

There were roller bladers and cyclists riding all kinds of bikes along the path. We saw mountain bikes, road bikes, folding bikes (I saw a Yellow Strida and an orange Dahon Speed Pro!), and rental bikes. There were the teens, families with kids, and hardcore roadies, all enjoying their rides.

Aside from some silly bridge that was too narrow for bikes to ride on (you had to dismount and push), the new Coastal Connector was actually a very pleasant and scenic ride.

One moment you are riding with a sea view, and the next you are at the park of the airport where planes make their approach to land.

I wish we had more paths like these. Then people would ride more and ride to commute. I am told the Eastern Park Connector Network links up the parks in Bedok, Changi, Coastal, Loyang, Pasir Ris, Siglap and Tampines. It would be interesting to try the whole 42km loop to see how connected the network really is.

It was good fun, and the wife enjoyed it tremendously. The weather was cloudy and the breeze cooled us down.

Next time, we will be setting off earlier, maybe 6am, with a bigger group, and riding further. Maybe have breakfast at Changi Village too.

Nothing like spending quality time this way, with the missus on the first morning of 2008.

(More photos at my Flickr set and Otterman did the Coastal ride too, though he went further!)

Smile!

"Behold, I will do something new!"

We've never managed to make Faith keep still to take a photograph. Her autism makes her restless and unable to understand the concept of taking photographs.

One day, she joined her siblings, gathering around my phone to look at the photos in it. Three kids crowding around me, in our bed, wanting to see photos I took of them.

Amused, I held up my phone and asked them, "You want me to take your photo?"

I only expected Isaac and Joy to say yes, since Faith wouldn't understand what I was asking.

To my surprise, Faith nodded and looked at my camera phone, keeping still for her photo.

I thought it was a coincidence, so after showing them the shot, I asked again., "Do you guys want Papa to take your photo?"

Isaac and Joy gave a cheerful "Yes!"... and Faith nodded her head again. And kept still.

I was a little surprised at her understanding, but just took the shot anyway, throwing in a "Smile!"

Faith gave me a "boh gei" grin, her missing front teeth making her look even cuter.

So she not only understood what taking a photo was, she understood the word "Smile".

And that is how my 2007 ended. With a toothless smile from my autistic daughter, keeping still for the first time for a photo.

I cannot wait for the new things to come 2008. New smiles, new faiths, new laughter, and new joys.

And I wish them all for you too.