Why teens should ask these 10 questions before committing to a gang…
Found this on Sammyboy forums and thought it was pretty spot-on:
Criteria 1: Does your headman drive?
Excellent: Continental Car (Preferably Benz S500)
Fair: Japanese or Korean car
Epic Fail: Takes the bus or MRT
Criteria 2: Does your headman live in a landed property?
Fair: Condo or Terrace
Fail: HDB Flats
Epic Fail: Lives with parents
Criteria 3: Does your headman have a private bank account?
Excellent: UBS High Networth Private Banking
Fair: UOB Privilege Banking
Fail: DBS/OCBC Account
Epic Fail: POSB Account
I decided to add a few of my own:
Criteria 4: Does your headman have many sources of income?
Excellent: Racketeering, illegal bookmaking, running unlicensed brothels
Fair: Smalltime loansharking
Fail: Extorting money from primary school children
Epic Fail: Weekly allowance from mother
Criteria 5: What restrictions are there on your headman's movements?
Excellent: Can never return to Singapore or he will be arrested by the ISD
Fair: Is under Home Detention Scheme and wears a pager on his leg
Fail: Cannot meet you until his discipline master releases him from detention
Epic Fail: Has to go home by 10pm or his father will scold him
Criteria 6: Does your headman have previous gang experience?
Excellent: Overthrew the Qing Dynasty and restored Han Chinese rule
Fair: Ran a pirated DVD and PC games syndicate
Fail: Caught for giving free Big Gulps and Slurpees to friends when working in 7-Eleven
Epic Fail: Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
Criteria 7: Does your headman have a large turf?
Excellent: Stretching from 7 Beh Lor to Tekka Siao
Fair: Jalan Membina before it became expensive HDB flats
Fail: The small clearing in the forest near where the KTM train derailed
Epic Fail: Playground of Blk 28, Toa Payoh Lorong 6, the one with the dragon
Criteria 8: Does your headman have the skills needed to overcome his enemies?
Excellent: Wields a parang and/or Benchmade Model 42 butterfly knife with the dexterity of a ninja.
Fair: Best fist fighter in his void deck
Fail: Best DOTA player at the nearby LAN shop
Epic Fail: Best Streetfighter IV player at the arcade but only if he uses Ryu.
Criteria 9: Does your headman have the marks of gang leadership?
Excellent: Has tattoo lines of dots on forehead
Fair: Has blood drop tattoo below his lips
Fail: Has tattoo of Ekin "Noodle" Cheng from The Young and the Dangerous
Epic Fail: Has tattoo of Edward from Twilight
Criteria 10: Does your headman have a base of operations?
Excellent: Shenton Way penthouse office
Fair: Seedy bar at Joo Chiat Road, Katong
Fail: Outside the MRT shop where the auntie sells Magic and Pokemon cards
Epic Fail: Primary School toilet in Woodlands
Major Caveat: This is a joke and does not imply in any way that I am encouraging you to join a gang, even an Epic Fail one. And if you think I am, you are more Epic Fail than I thought.