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the mrbrown show: the breakdown

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Different birds, different gahmen department

Crows? Call NEA.
Pigeons? Call AVA.
Mynahs? Both say not their problem.
Bloody 鸟 excuses.

We need a Ministry of Birds then. Then we can activate the 鸟人。

不同的鸟说不同的“鸟话”。

CNA: Who's in charge of bird nuisance?:

Birds continue to be a source of problem in areas of dense population in Singapore but as Channel NewsAsia finds out, it's been a challenge pinning down the relevant authorities in charge of the problem.

Crows come under the purview of the National Environment Agency (NEA) while the Agri-Food & Veterinary Authority of Singapore (AVA) handles complaints of nuisance with pigeons.

But it gets a little complicated when it comes to mynahs.

When Channel NewsAsia visited a coffee shop at Bishan Street 11, mynahs were seen picking at leftovers.

Stall holders said the number of mynahs in their coffee shop has more than doubled in the past two years.

And when they approached the NEA and AVA, both agencies said they are not in charge of handling the birds.

Both the NEA and AVA confirmed this with Channel NewsAsia.

The Bible according to the PUB

Genesis 7:7 (PUB)

[7] And Noah & his sons & his wife & his sons’ wives entered the ark to escape the waters of the pond.

Whole island submerged then can call it "Flood"

The PUB is pleased to announce that Singapore did not flood yesterday. It merely encountered some "ponding".

In some places, it was just puddling.

I suppose anything below chin level isn't flooding. Because, you know, flooding implies our drainage systems were not adequate.

(Photo from Alan Seah's FB)

Dear iPhone autocorrect…

1. When I type "issit", I don't want "issue".
2. When I type "lah", I don't want "lag".
3. When I type "liddat", I don't want "Linda".
4. When I type "simi", I don't want "sumo".
5. When I type "knn", I don't want "Lynn".
6. When I type "nochet", I don't want "no get".
7. When I type "wahpiang", I don't want "warping".
8. When I type "gabra", I don't want "garbage".
9. When I type "alamak", I don't want "Akamai".
10. When I type "paiseh", I don't want "pauses".
11. When I type "humchee", I don't want "hunched".
12. When I type "shiok", I don't want "shook".
13. When I type "suay", I don't want "dust".
14. When I type "kancheong", I don't want "Kanchenjunga".
15. When I type "similan", I don't want "similar".

Koalas leh!

JIALAT! JIALAT! JIALAT! Not KOALAS!!!

mrbrown goes to Nirwana Gardens, Bintan

Youtube link: http://mrbrwn.co/uUhNUb

I have been wanting to go on a short holiday break and when DEAL.com.sg suggested I try Bintan, with WOW Experience (www.wowexperience.sg/) I said, sure!

So with a few buddies of mine, we made the 45-minute ferry ride to Nirwana Gardens resort for a day of cool stuff like Laserclay and Combat Skirmish.

We spent two days there and I can honestly say we had lots of fun. Five blokes together, talking cock and eating a lot, was part of the vacation appeal.

DEAL.com.sg has some pretty neat deals going on, especially with travel, which is their specialty.

You can go to their site to check out the travel deals.

I think I will go again. Even if it is just to soak in the pool. Haha!

[Music: Kevin MacLeod]

the mrbrown show: a clarification about the SMRT breakdown

MP for Ang Mo Kio, Mr Sing Harn Tong, clarifies what he said about the MRT breakdowns on TV.

Youtube link: http://mrbrwn.co/t5JwdK

There is always one iPhone cover you regretted buying

I feel the iPhone case industry depends on us making poor design decisions after we get our new iPhones. In the heat of the moment, while high on getting our latest iPhones, we can make the most disastrous iPhone case choices.

My drawer is littered with bad first cases. Cases that failed the quality test (paint rubbing off), cases that failed the aesthetics test (looked good in the shop display window but looked terrible on a white iPhone), cases that failed the practicality test (made of leather, then came into contact with a wet coffeeshop table, leather bloated up).

It wouldn't be so bad if one bought a cheapo $10 case and threw it away in disgust, but some of these cases are $49.90 and up. Very heart pain.

Next time, I plan to wait at least a week before buying one. Or face derision and laughter from my design-savvy colleagues.

Here are some wacky cases I have seen:

Unagi iPhone cover from Strapya, Japan.

Treehugger's DIY Cardboard "Recession" iPhone case

Earonic iPhone case by CollabCubed

Literally, a HAND-phone iPhone cover from Strapya, Japan.

Michelle Chong is… Already Famous

Met up with Michelle Chong (yes THAT Michelle Chong) for a chat recently and talked about her movie, Already Famous. Do go and watch it if you can. It is still screening at the theatres.

It is having a good run in Singapore and I think it is really brave of Michelle to take seven months no-pay leave to embark on this. The movie crossed a million dollars after 11 days.

My wife's faith in SMRT is shaken. I told her to secure it with cable ties.

After SMRT found dislodged "claws" that hold up the third rail supplying electricity to the trains, they turned to Mustafa Shopping Centre head of security's favourite tool, the plastic CABLE TIE. [image via]

YouTube link: http://mrbrwn.co/rPvb9I

I use cable ties to secure my bicycle lights & they STILL fall off due to road vibrations. But if SMRT thinks it'll work for their steel claws, who am I to question their expertise?

As my friend Lucian said, "Cable ties are the new duct tape."

Another friend, Ivan, quipped, "They should have at least used velcro… that way you can hear when it comes out."

Let the Kim Jong Un memes begin!

Official pic of N. Korea new leader Kim Jong Un

There are reports of massive (real or faked) mourning in North Korea over Kim Jong Il's death but the reaction from this North Korean who defected to the US was somewhat different…

Meanwhile, I will miss photos of Kim Jong Il looking at things. It is gonna get ronery without him.

The Other Kim

The Wife: "North Korea's Kim Jong Two died."

Me: "Kim Jong Who?"

Wife: "Kim Jong Two."

Me: "Kim Jong EEL lah."

And he will be replaced by Kim Jong Three, his favorite son.

When your subway breaks down three times in one week, it's not a bug, it's a feature

Reminder: NS and EW lines only start operating after 10am today.

After the third disruption on Saturday, lasting seven hours, SMRT is taking their trains through a health check on Sunday. There will be shuttle buses operating this morning till the trains begin running again.

In case you are wondering why there is no reminder tweet from the official SMRT Twitter account this lovely Sunday morning, my guess is because their Twitter account has opening hours. That's right, their Twitter account has Saturdays, Sundays and Public Holidays off.

Meanwhile, on Twitter, people have started to make up new acronyms for SMRT:

1. Sorry Must Repair Trains
2. Saturday Macham Repeat of Thursday
3. Sometimes Must Ride Taxi

Ouch.

The Great SMRT Cockup of 2011

Update: The NS line went down again on Saturday morning. For SEVEN hours. Good grief.

Where do I even begin?

Just a day after the Circle Line fiasco on the morning of Wednesday, Dec 14, 2011, the SMRT outdid themselves with the chaos on Thursday 15 December 2011, probably its worst breakdown in its 24 years of running trains.

Many commuters sat in darkness in trains stalled in the tunnels; some commuters had to walk the tunnel tracks in darkness to get out; and a window was smashed with a fire extinguisher to let the air into the stuffy train carriage.

And a friend heard this ACTUAL MRT announcement: "Due to a slight delay, there will be delay."

Brilliant.

I will just let the photos do the talking (taken from various Facebook sources, if the shot is yours, please let me know and I will credit you).

SMRT's latest power-saving scheme: The Manual Air-con.

The SMRT's latest route: the Scenic Route Line. Zombies not included in ticket price.

SMRT informs their cab drivers of an "income opportunity"… a breakdown in their own MRT train services from Bishan MRT to Marina Bay MRT stretch of stations.

SMRT did get around to apologizing for the taxi message.

An SMRT spokesman said on Thursday night: "We are sorry for the oversight. Our staff were using a template message, and we have since corrected it."

Frankly, I think SMRT needs to relook their template messages for everything, not just that taxi one.

Meanwhile, the spin has begun: "ST: Passengers not worried despite Thursday's MRT breakdown"

Sure, interview those who were NOT on the affected trains to ask if they were worried.

Over at Yahoo, more than 1000 angry comments were found at the column "Train disruptions unacceptable and unforgivable".

And where was our Transport Minister in the midst of this chaos? Minister Lui Tuck Yew was in Cambodia for the 17TH ASEAN Transport Ministers' Meeting in Phnom Penh.

Oh the irony.

(Don't worry, he just said he will ask "LTA to assemble a team of relevant experts, including possibly relevant overseas experts to help us in this review". Wow, a whole team. That's reassuring. Too bad the team wasn't assembled BEFORE the chaos, eh?)

NEWSFLASH! They caught the real MRT window breaker:

(Image from Adrian Wee's Facebook page)

the mrbrown show: limpeh not happy

The infamous Aaron Tan is not the only one with a love rival.

Limpeh also buay song.

Youtube link: http://mrbrwn.co/tHIHFH

Prease Hor! Limpeh Wong You First!

Make your own Aaron Tan poster.

Also, my new name is now "mr gobangwall wantyouonly supersibeiawesum brown".

Pwease hor! Don't touch Aaron Tan's woman!

YouTube Link: http://youtu.be/MmbGGLeU9gY

(English subbed version: http://mrbrwn.co/vli7Nf)

Limpeh tell you, this world still got many old school Ah Beng.

Apparently, 18-year-old wannabe gangsta Aaron Tan made this video to threaten a 14-year-old, Ryanzxc Gobangwall, for hitting on his gerfren, Nina Wantyouonly.

Be warned, the video contains vulgarity. Don't let the kids watch or they will learn about mothers and their milk, assorted Hokkien bad words, and a new English bad word ("f**kermother")

According to the blog Alvinology, Nina posted her side of the story on her Facebook wall:

This is how’s it goes. Me and Aaron had been together for 7months9days. The reason we had broke up is because of his attitude, his threatening, his childishness, his back stabbing, trust issues and he jus too over controlling. The best part is his parent disagree our relationship and (even more worse thing ps I can’t say due to personal) But in other hand I know actually a part of me can’t let go so I give him alot of chances to let change him change himself for the better but he didn’t. I tried my best to hold on but sorry I did my best because until now Aaron still wanna lie to me and do stuff behind my back which I really hate it. Plus our breaks up had alr cause trouble for both side of parent. So In order to make him heart die for me I put a fake relationship with Ryan which he also agree. But things get worst, Aaron post things at facebook saying bad thing about Ryan and even videos threatening him?! Then kanna stomp and even in the newspaper. After that, Ryan , Ryan sister and Aaron have a conversation on the phone. What is the conversation I not sure. That’s why Ryan and Aaron are in a relationship. And that’s it for Ryan and Me. But as for me and Aaron we alr officially SINGLE. So please stop saying he is my boyf. As for Ryan I wanna say sorry for the trouble cause and thanks for the help And that’s it. If got anymore question, comment I will answer your doubts :3

To add to all the drama, Aaron Tan apparently has supporters. This video was made by his "brudder" (Update: it's a fake troll video) to say "我支持你!":

YouTube Link: http://mrbrwn.co/rQzuMa

Aaron Tan shouldn't be so harsh on the 14-yr-old who likes his ex-girlfriend. He'll need someone to look after her when he goes to Boy's Home for threatening bodily harm.

Oh, wait. I forgot Aaron is 18. Good news: you won't be going Boy's Home for your threats. Bad news: you qualify for prison.

I am glad when I was 18, there wasn't YouTube to let me broadcast my stupidest teenage behaviour to the world.

Pwease hor! Limpeh tell you: Aaron Tan femes liao.

As they say on the game Skyrim: "I used to be an Ah Beng like you, then I took an aarontan to the knee."

P.S. Good luck when you go for NS and your army buddies recognise your sorry ass. Sure kena blanket party one.

The Yahoo! interviews: mrbrown meets The Muppets

The Muppets are back after a 12-year hiatus! I got to speak to Jason Segel, Amy Adams, Walter (the new Muppet on the block), Kermit the Frog and the ever-diva Miss Piggy in Hollywood about their new movie.

My life is complete.

Yahoo link: http://mrbrwn.co/A2UAxh

This is a photo I took with Kermit and Miss Piggy. They were the nicest Muppets I have ever met. I even touched the hand of Walter, the new Muppet. It felt, er, felt-y.

Shanghai for the first time

I've been in Shanghai for a few days now. Besides the cold weather (2-7°C), all I can remember is this little shop selling 红烧羊肉阳春面 or braised mutton noodles. It tasted awesome and in cold weather, even better.

I made the mistake of not having long johns or thermal innerwear with me but after freezing my nuts off the first night here, I bought some UNIQLO Heat Tech innerwear and an Ultra Light Premium Down jacket there (it's cheaper than Singapore's store, I think). 

Being warm and toasty is an important goal for me. I used to be able to take the cold weather but I suppose I am older now.

Besides work, we spent some time doing some shopping. Guys suck at bargaining so it was a good thing I had my cousin's fiancé helping us at Hancity Fashion and Accessories Plaza. 

Hancity is nicknamed Taobao City, the online eBay of China. You can find all manner of pirated goods here, from Dr Dre Beats headphones (which probably sound like Dr Tay headphones) to "Oakley" sunglasses. I also saw Angry Birds merch, which I suspected was fake because the t-shirt said "Just One Hore Level".

We even spotted a laser that can hit a building 6km away and light a match (probably illegal in Singapore because you can blind Cyclops with it), and some night-vision scopes for rifles.

I got a little remote-controlled helicopter. I could not resist, it was only RMB140. That was after some aggressive bargaining by our lady companion.

Traffic here is madness. Electric bicycles everywhere (worse than Singapore) and cars that take the red light as merely as suggestion. You must cross the roads with your wits about you. 

I did like the electric "bicycles" that were done up to look like Vespa scooters. Those look like fun to ride. Too bad you can't buy those back to Singapore.

In the mornings, I'd wake up after a late night of watching matchmaking tv shows ("1 Dude Chooses from 100 Girls" and "Divorcee Looks for New Love" ) and look out the window, admiring the misty skies of Shanghai in winter.

Then someone told me it was not mist, it was smog.

Oh.

This may be the reason why Comfort DelGro raised taxi fares

The outrage over Comfort DelGro's upcoming fare hike and extension of peak surcharge hours to include Sunday and public holidays has been quick and visceral.

I found this photo floating around teh internets which may or may not be the reason for the fare hike.

Not to be outdone, there are rumours that CityCab is also planning a new surcharge for customers who want to be the Elite of Elite Taxi customers.

Soon you will see the pre-peak taxi surcharge, pre-midnight-disappearance surcharge, the driver-lunch-hour & changing shift surcharge.

My other predictions:

2012: "Comfort Del-Groan Taxis is pleased to announce that the new surcharge-less period of the day is now 2.15pm to 3.15pm."

2013: "Comfort Del-groan Taxis is pleased to announce that there will be no fare surcharge on days beginning with "G"."

2014: "Comfort Del-groan Taxis is pleased to announce that there will now only be two surcharges: peak and more-peak."

(In case you are wondering, these are NOT real photos of Singapore cabs but are cleverly photoshopped images by witty internet persons.)