This year, the CPIB has so many corruption cases that i hear they are opening a chain of coffee joints islandwide so that there are convenient lim kopi locales.
I hear the Corrupt Practices Investigation Bureau plans to name their coffee place Lim's Kopi.
Individuals who are under investigation may choose to visit any Lim's Kopi branch for their kopi sessions. Cases that involve a large group of people from one organization or religious group are advised to choose the larger branch located at Suntec mall.
Persons of interest who are being Invesitgated on multiple counts of corruption and may need to be interviewed many times may apply for a Lim's Kopi loyalty card. 30 stamps gets you a free kopi and a special visit to our premium members-only branch in Changi.
Lim's Kopi will be located at convenient places, easily accessible via public transport. There will also be ample parking for fancy cars and expensive folding bicycles.
One can pay for coffee at Lim's Kopi with cash, credit card, NETS or ez-link cards, but not SPH shopping vouchers or money from ill-gotten pocket money funds.
Lim's Kopi baristas do not serve queue jumpers or grant preferential treatment to senior civil servants. Baristas will not grant sexual favours just to make a coffee sale.
Lim's Kopi menu includes Kopi See-PIB, Kopi Orhgong Until Kosong and the popular You-Are-Toast with Butter (just shout "Wah Ai Bua Gu You!").
So drop by Lim's Kopi by CPIB! I hear the lights are bright and the aircon is cold.
P.S. I've been told I am not obvious enough with my admiration for the CPIB's tenacity and impartiality in this tongue-in-cheek piece, so let me just come out and say it: "Thank you, CPIB. You guys keep our country clean and free of the scum and corruption that is so common in other countries. Thumbs way up."