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The Dark Knight Rises Spoilers (kind of)

[image via twitpic]

It seems like spoilers for The Dark Knight Rises is the in-thing these days (Damn you, Letterman!) so we did a few on Twitter with the hashtag #DarkKnightRisesSpoiler. Kudos to you if you recognize some of the movies or tv shows alluded to:

1. @mrbrown: Bruce Wayne sees dead people.

2. @mrbrown: Bruce Wayne and Tyler Durden are the same guy.

3. @mrbrown: Two words: Keyser. Soze.

4. @mrbrown: Batman shot J.R.. And Mr Burns. (To which @polyoptic said, "Men like you just want to watch the world burn." -mb)

5. @mrbrown: Batman and all the villains were part of Bruce Wayne's Beautiful Mind.

6. @exolyrical: In a shock twist, Arnold Schwarzenegger reprises his role as Mr. Freeze.

7. @frimframsource: ‪Bruce Wayne has a twin brother.

8. @suparabbit: ‪#DarkKnightRisesSpoiler‬ @mrbrown is Batman. (DON'T TELL THEM! NOOOOOOO! -mb)

9. @JoakimGomez: The Totem is still spinning… ‪

10. @mrbrown: Bruce Wayne couldn't decide which would be worse – to live as a monster, or to die as a good man.

11. @mrbrown: Lucius is Batman's father.

12. @ShankerPaarey: ‪To improve the aerodynamics of the suit, rubber nipples are added.

13. @mrbrown: Catwoman was a man. Batman cries.

14. @clementchio: ‪Batman really slaps Robin for making a Thor joke.

15. @mrbrown: The Law Society of Singapore says Bruce Wayne has bipolar disorder and says he is not fit to be Batman.

16. @mrbrown: The public discovers that Batman bought an expensive folding bicycle to ride around the park.

17. @clementchio: Dumbledore died.

18. @zackyap: He has a dark passenger within him that causes him to kill serial killers.

19. @FlareonRRRAGE: Bruce Wayne & Batman are 2 different people who live the same life in order to outsmart Hugh Jackman

20. @mrbrown: The island was a kind of purgatory but real life at the same time. Or something like that.

I know, these are not the spoilers you deserve, but these are the ones you need right now.

The Dark Knight Rideth

'Nuff said.

We the Citizens…

I made a little pilgrimage to the Pledge installation at The Event Plaza, Marina Bay Sands (the other four are at Raffles Place Park, Marina Bay Mist Walk, School of the Arts and the Esplanade).

Perhaps it is because I like to see the words I have been reciting since my school days as giant letters. Perhaps I felt they were more concrete somehow, in this way.

I am not sure I agree with making certain words bold though. Sure, "Regardless", "United" and "Build" and "Nation" are important words, but so are "We" and "Happiness" and "Democratic", at least to me.

The Pledge display attracted a fair bit of attention. Many took photos with it. Some used it to lean on while making phone calls. Kids climbed and played on it. It was a handy, hardworking Pledge.

There is a "Like Me" button at the installation, which I dutifully pressed. I mean, it wouldn't be patriotic not to "Like" the National Pledge, right? I pressed it a few more times just to be sure the machine knew I liked the Pledge a lot.

Nearby, people were gathering to watch the Light and Water Show. I took a few photos of that too, since I was there. The skeptical part of me felt it a little cheesy. The emo part of me felt, wow, Singapore is really pretty at night.

One of the things that struck me was how much I missed seeing the rest of the Pledge. This was just one line. To see the rest, I had to go to the other sites. Yet, the Pledge is not just one line or a collection of lines. The idea behind the National Pledge is bigger than the sum of all its parts. I filled in the gaps in my mind, reciting the whole thing under my breath. Years of saying it in school does that to you.

Do go down to take a look at the installations. Take photos, tag them #PledgeSG, tweet them, and even join the contest to win $200 or an NDP Goodie Bag. More details can be found at Pledge.sg.

Last time, Spider-man wore shorts

Isaac: "Papa, I wanna change my Spider-man glove toy. It only makes sounds & it doesn't shoot webbing out like the other one."

Me: "Last time, Papa had to use his empty wrist to pretend, and had to make the sounds himself. Stop complaining."

Talking Cock in Parliament 2: WE ARE FULL HOUSE LIAO!!!

Bad news: Talking Cock in Parliament 2 is already FULL HOUSE. At 6.01pm.

Good news: We will release videos of the event later.

So so sorry!

Things Job Interviewers Shouldn't Ask For

In Singapore, companies seem to want every excruciating detail about job applicants, details which, in many countries, would be illegal to ask. So I started the #thingsjobinterviewersshouldntask‬ hashtag:

Things Job Interviewers Shouldn't Ask or Ask For

1. Date of Birth (Why? You want to throw me a birthday party ah?)

2. Passport photo. (Why? You want to apply new passport for me ah?)

3. Name of Father and Mother (Why? You want my parents to adopt you ah?)

4. Are you planning to have children? (Why? You want to have one with me ah?)

5. What were your PSLE results? (Why? Scared I fail recess ah?)

6. What is your Father/Mother Occupation? (Why? You want to hire them ah?)

7. Are your parents divorced? (Why? You want to help them reconcile ah?)

8. @adrianwongfs: NS do what? What rank? Must always go back? How long? (Why? You're the Other Mindef ah? -mb)

9. @mUAr_cHEe: Past Criminal Convictions. (APA INI YELLOW RIBBON PROJECT?! Do a police screening request on your own.)

10. @dylankkap: What are your weaknesses? (Why? You wanna kill me ah!!!) (Mine is Kryptonite. -mb)

11. Name of Siblings. (Why? You think you may be my long-lost brother/sister ah?)

12. What is your expected salary? (Why? No such thing as market rate ah? If I say one gazillion dollars how?)

13. What was your previous salary? (Why? You want to pay me based on my National Service allowance ah?)

14. What are your siblings ages and occupations? (Why? If I am on MC, you want to ask them to cover me ah?)

15. Detailed academic transcripts. (You also want the drawing I did at kindergarten too?)

16. Where do you see yourself in five years? (Winning Big Sweep 1st Prize.)

17. What are your strengths? (Why? Your company is recruiting for the Avengers Initiative ah?) (@EthanIceman: Why?? Does it come with great responsibility???)

18. @dinnie: The most inspirational person in my life. (are you hiring me or interviewing me for a biography?)

19. Height and Weight. (Why? Your company seats short people in front and tall people behind, like Primary School ah?)

20. Race. (Why? You have separate toilets for different race ah?)

21. @clementchio: "Name 2 referrers and how long you've known them." (Why? You Facebook ah?)

22. Your Facebook name. (Why? You want to Friend me and Like my posts ah?)

23. Single or Married. (Why? You want to intro me to your single relative ah?)

24. Religion. (Why? You don't hire Jedi Knights ah?)

25. Your NAPFA results. (Why? Your company got inter-department Sit-and-Reach competition ah?)

Needless to say, the kiam-pa answers in this post are not recommended replies to potential employers, not if you want or need the job badly.

Very cute, Google, very cute

That was a nice surprise.

Please be graciously to fixes this sign

Dear SBS Transit, Please be graciously to fixes the England on this sign. Thank yous.

[Image via @gurms]

Talking Cock in Parliament 2: Malu Lah Singapura

Talking Cock in Parliament (TCIP) is back after six long years. Yes, the event that you watched in blurry Youtube videos has returned.

Theme: Malu Lah Singapura: Tales of Embarrassment, Shame and Facial Loss
Date: Friday 13th of July 2012 (yes, we like to live at the bleeding edge one).
Time: Gather at 6.30pm, seated by 7pm
Venue: The Playden at The Old Parliament House

The night of informal talk by our varied roster of speakers is FREE (but donations welcome) and it is free seating. Warn you first, last time we did it in 2006, we had to turn away people or else violate fire code, so COME EARLY hor.

Tuck-Yew-speak, translated

Ministers really need to stop using jargon and bureaucratese and speak in plain English. This is what Transport Minister Lui Tuck Yew recently said to TODAY:

"It is LTA's responsibility as regulator to hold operator accountable for delivering a reliable system. LTA fell short, must do better.

"Rather than relying on a corrective approach to rectify problems, we must adopt a systems approach towards maintenance to pre-emptively identify potential areas of concern.

"LTA’s regulatory framework will be enhanced to be more prescriptive, exercise greater oversight on areas affecting reliability and commuter comfort. LTA will require SMRT to engage independent experts to audit their maintenance processes every three years."

My friend Leslie, after reading Lui's convoluted statement three times (I read it four times myself), came up with this translation:

"LTA fell short in making sure SMRT did not mess up. They must do better.

"Rather than waiting for problems to happen, we must catch them before they do.

"LTA will get more involved in telling SMRT what to do, watch them closely, and make sure they are more reliable and give commuters a better ride.

LTA will make sure SMRT hires independent experts to check them every three years."

See? So much clearer, right, Minister?

[image via TODAY's Facebook]

Acnes on your acne?

Er, why would I put a product called "Acnes" on my acne?

It's like naming a pimple removal product, "Pimples".

Or like naming a diarrhoea medicine, "Lao Sai. (hat-tip to @tachikoma_days)

Or like naming a hair loss remedy, "Botak Head".

Pirated Supertrees spotted in Tampines

My brother-in-law spotted these mini chiong Supertrees in Tampines. Is this part of Gardens by the Bay, a kind of heartland subsidiary?

Reader chriszzz: "We can call it Gardens by the Loading Bay."

Parking Fail

Perhaps it will transform into Optimus Prime and exit as an Autobot.

Singapore Shades of Grey

Update: According to @wearesocialsg: #singaporeshadesofgrey‬ went viral with more 8,000 tweets & 6300 retweets in 10 hours, or a whopping 6.8 million impressions: http://mrbrwn.co/N53362

Also nice was this blog post that expressed appreciation for the Monday madness that my hashtag brought: "Five million shades of awesome"

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[image via]

With all the hype around the erotic novel Fifty Shades of Grey, I wondered what a Singapore Shades of Grey would be like. So I started the #singaporeshadesofgrey hashtag:

1. @mrbrown: "Let's ballot for a BTO flat," he whispered. Her toes curled, as thoughts of the 30-year loan pleasured her senses.

2. @mrbrown: His pelvis moved stronger with every thrust but he just couldn't board the rush hour MRT train.

3. @dsylxeic: A soft gasp escaped her lips as he slid his… key into the door of their new Punggol flat.

4. @mrbrown: She wanted so much to dip his you char kuay into her hot coffee but he was saving it for his pork porridge.

5. @stooffi: She moaned in delight as she sucked on… the straw of her Gong Cha.

6. @NatalieTrog: His eyes locked onto mine, he drew closer as he parted his lips & he whispered "makan or tapao?"

7. @mrbrown: She liked riding it rough, long and rough. So she took SMRT Trans-Island Bus 61.

8. @AnitaKapoor: She couldn't help herself. When he asked her to queue for his desires, she did.

9. @mrbrown: "YOU PUT IT IN THE WRONG WAY!" she screamed. But it was too late. The ERP gantry could not deduct from his cash card. ‪

10. @mrbrown: "Tear it off! Tear it off!" she pleaded, worried that the parking uncle would come.

11. @cheehuat: He asked the woman, visibly confused, "You want lup cheong but don't want hum?

12. @eipur: He tightened the ties with a final flourish & whispered roughly to her, "Thank you for shopping at Mustafa."

13. @dodgyaudgy: She pumped it harder and harder, trying to reach a whole number for her petrol price.

14. @longadin: "You're a virgin?" he gasped, surprised as she shyly nodded. "Do you want to teach sex education?"

15. @mrbrown: She was the kind who liked taking three shafts at once, leaving the other train passengers nothing to hold on to.

16. @mrbrown: "Don't touch my junk, please," he said to the karang guni man.

17. @BB_See: "You're so wet," he said, smiling. "Now dry yourself before you get a cold so we can have dinner."

18. @mrbrown: "Did you remember to bring the tissue?" she asked, panting in the heat, worried that they couldn't chope the table.

19. @maenadery: "Liddat pain?" he asked. She writhed in ecstatic agony. "Your kidneys are weak. Must do more reflexology." ‪

20. @mrbrown: "Am I supposed to sit or squat on it?" she asked, as she looked at the hole in the public toilet.

21. @GenietheOgre: She rubbed it furiously. He couldn't hold it back anymore, "AUNTY! Take your ez-link card out of your bag to scan lah!"

22. @FlareonRRRAGE: The girls pressed their bodies against each other in ecstasy, as they reached for photo button in the Neoprint booth.

23. @mrbrown: They liked to share, so it was two girls, one cup of Plum Green Tea with pearls, 50% sweet.

24. @syntaxfreeblog: "I want to feel utterly helpless and submissive," she whispered. "Our pleasure," replied the government.

25. @JayneRendomm: He sat & his eyes studied the curves of her body intensely. Ah! His pupils widened. Pregnant lady. Have to give up seat.

26. @mrbrown: No, he didn't mind the gap, didn't mind it at all.

27. "I'd tap that," he said to the tourist who didn't know what to do with her ez-link card.

28. @Fake_PMLee: “Someday, I’ll be on top,” thought the 2nd best student in class.

29. @longadin: "Tie me up, baby," she groaned. "Cable tie me like a SMRT track."

30. @mrbrown: He shoved his face between the pale mounds of creamy fragrant flesh and declared, "Yes, D24."

the mrbrown show: like a virgin (man)

Photo by sheeshoo

The new sex education syllabus needs elite educators! Sign up now at mrbrownshow.com!

(Warning: We cannot guarantee the accuracy of any sexual info in this COMEDY show.)

Play "the mrbrown show: like a virgin (man)"

U-Didn't-Really-Save

You know that GST U-Save voucher you received from the Ministry of Finance? I know, I know, some of you received cash GST Vouchers (GSTV) too but many didn't. Many just received the U-Save voucher that is meant to offset your water and utilities bill.

Well, it turns out that only 1 U-Save is usable per household, MOF clarified:

"In the statement, MOF says it received queries regarding the amount of U-Save rebates each household is eligible for if more than one person in the household receives the GSTV.

Individuals have been receiving their GSTV notification letters since July 2.

In its clarification, the ministry says that individuals living in the same household will not be able to combine their individually granted U-save amounts for the rebate.

The rebate granted depends on flat type and not the size of the household, a spokesperson added."

Many thought they could combine father, mother, son, daughter U-Save vouchers and never pay their water and utilities bill ever again. They even held hands with their family members and did a little dance. But nooooo, MOF says it's only one per household.

If it was meant to be one for each household, then send to every motherson in the home for what? To make everyone (especially those not getting any cash GST Vouchers) feel they received SOMETHING? Just send to the head of the household lah!

Furthermore, the U in U-Save implies the utilities rebates apply to an individual, not a household: U-Save, mah, not Ur-Household-Save what.

I suggest the MOF rename their U-Save voucher next year to U-Thought-U-Save-But-Actually-Only-1-of-U-Save vouchers.

On behalf of all the disgruntled U-Save letter recipients that couldn't redeem their utilities rebates, here is one big… CHEY!

Virgin Sex Education Teachers required (if single)

[image via]

Update 2: Full text of what was shared at the media conference on the revised MOE sexuality program.

Update 1: MOE has replied to this virgin matter on their Facebook page and comments are now closed for this post.

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According to this news report, the Ministry of Education (MOE) will revise its sexuality education programme:

"There will be a core of at least 10 specially-selected teachers in each school to teach sexuality education and they must be comfortable teaching the subject and have rapport with students.

More importantly, they must practise mainstream values that are aligned with MOE.

These include the family as a basic unit of society and abstinence as the best option to encourage youths to defer sex until marriage."

So the teachers who teach this course must practise abstinence before marriage too? Would the basic requirement be virginity? Eunuchs or married teachers only?

And how would the hiring manager know if the teacher meets the requirements? How would you check on the teacher's lifestyle? Look at their Facebook to see if they have many dates and if they attend wild parties? Hymen inspections?

@claudia_jng asked, "So do they change teachers after they lose their virginity? And shame them during morning assembly?"

In the light of this new requirement, maybe the other subjects will also need revamping:

1. Science teachers must win Nobel Prize at least once in their lives.

2. PE teachers must be former Olympics champions.

3. History teachers need to have lived in the past in the ancient past.

4. English teachers MUST be English from England only too.

Maybe there will be a new MOE application form for sex education teachers:

❒ Virgin

❒ Married

❒ Not sure

(Applicants, please tick where appropriate.)

I can imagine the classroom situation soon:

Student: "Cher! Does sex feel good?"

Sex Education Teacher: "I am told it does. I will let you know when I am married."

Student: "Cher! How to wear condom ah?"

Sex Education Teacher: "Wait, I check the book again."

MOE FB Update:

[Comments are now closed for this post.]

Corrinne May at The Meadow, Gardens by the Bay

The wife and I spent a lovely evening listening to Corrinne May perform at The Meadow, at the Gardens by the Bay.

The Gardens were PACKED and there were times we were stuck in human jams (especially when it came to leaving the concert venue) but it was worth the trip.

Sitting on the grass with our own mats and watching Corrinne perform live under the moon and stars was quite an experience.

Corrinne had her band, whom she was obviously comfortable performing with and her husband, Kavin Hoo, backed her up on piano too.

The NDP rehearsals were happening nearby and the fireworks threatened to interfere with the music but Corrinne gamely made the best of things.

With just one outfit throughout (a rather long dress that she had some trouble moving with), Corrinne showed us you didn't need to be over the top, to entertain your audience. You just need musical skills, an awesome voice and sheer talent.

Her rapport with her audience was easy and relaxed. She even had a singalong segment for us to join in. For her encore, her last last song was Song for Singapore, which is not my favoritest song of hers, but the audience sang along with patriotic gusto anyway.

You may also wish to view my interview with her in my Yahoo video series. Higher res photos can be seen at my Google+ page.

I am returning to Gardens by the Bay for more, but I shall do it on a quieter weekday next time.

The safe way to travel to Johor

According to some Global Peace Index, Malaysia is the safest country in South-east Asia, and 19th safest in the world.

This family may disagree: http://mrbrwn.co/N37PhS.

Nonetheless, there are safe ways to travel to Johor. You just need to make some small modifications to your vehicle.

A Facebook commenter said: "Even non-Johor Malaysians don't want to stop in JB after dark."

We should heed that pro-tip.

Sunday night at the in-laws, watching tv: 第四届中国新加坡大型对嘴歌会

Apparently, Channel 8 is now showing The 4th Annual China-Singapore Lip Sync Variety Show or 第四届中国新加坡大型对嘴歌会。

Ok, maybe that's not the EXACT title.

My family and extended family sit, transfixed, marveling at how orbit the costumes, stage and lighting effects are.

It contrasts very nicely with the plastic stools that the audience are sitting on.

In one particular segment, five very talented Malay acapella singers perform a number, and then are joined by a Mediacorp actress who obviously cannot sing (not even lip sync could help her). It is painful to watch but like a horrific accident, we cannot look away.

The male host from China with the bouffant hairdo makes a joke about the Sikh costumes that four Chinese Singapore artistes are wearing after they did a Sikh dance.

There is even a singer who had two thirds of my name: 李健。 Surreal.

And then there are the kung fu pandas wielding nunchuks…

I am so glad the government stopped collecting tv licence fees from us.