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If Singapore did its own Breaking Bad series, it'd be called Breaking Good and be about a struggling chemistry teacher turned math dealer.
And in case you don't know what a math dealer is, it's a teacher who runs a lucrative sideline selling math exam papers from elite schools. The first one is free.
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Miyagi and I were chatting about some nongsern and somehow the conversation led to football team names. Then #NewSLeagueTeams hashtag was unleashed on the Singapore Twitter community. I think I created a monster. And yes, we trended.
1. @mrbrown: Joo Koon Koonsters #NewSLeagueTeams
2. @mrbrown: Novena United Squares #NewSLeagueTeams
3. @mrbrown: Sentosa Suns of Beaches #NewSLeagueTeams
4. @aidilism: Haw Par Villa #NewSLeagueTeams
5. @mrbrown: Bukit Buttocks #NewSLeagueTeams
6. @sulalit: Mee Siam Mai Ham FC #NewSLeagueTeams
7. @Slutishh: Real Marsiling FC #NewSLeagueTeams
8. @lupcheong: Serangoon Central-Marine Parade Gerrymanders #NewSLeagueTeams
9. @NewNationsg Lee Kuan Yew-nited #NewSLeagueTeams (Scariest team of them all. -mb)
10. @jkigay: Kandang Kerbau Pacifiers #NewSLeagueTeams
11. @k0pio: Geylang Gonorrheas #NewSLeagueTeams
12. @EugeneTehYJ: Serangoon Goondus #NewSLeagueTeams
13. @k0pio: Buona Vistars #NewSLeagueTeams
14. @moemasri: Mandai Zoolanders #NewSLeagueTeams
15. @BB_See: Eu Tong Sen Sinsehs #NewSLeagueTeams
16. @moemasri: Aljunied-Hougang-Punggol East Hammers #NewSLeagueTeams
17. @Chun_Xi: Bukit Timah Reservists #NewSLeagueTeams
18. @miyagi: Joo Chiat Cheaters #NewSLeagueTeams
19. @mrbrown: Tampines Cocksters #NewSLeagueTeams
20. @SproyJr: Balik Kampung Bahru FC #NewSLeagueTeams
21. @rocketfuel168: Changi Village People #NewSLeagueTeams
22. @watthesuck: Tiong Bahru Tiongsters #NewSLeagueTeams
23. @aidilism: Defu F.U. #NewSLeagueTeams
24. @moemasri: Geylang Serai Makciks #NewSLeagueTeams
25. @miyagi: Holland Villagers #NewSLeagueTeams
26. @mUAr_cHEe: Paya Lebar Papayas #NewSLeagueTeams
27. @adesabrina: Kallang Kaboh #NewSLeagueTeams
28. @miyagi: Jalan Kayu Kelongs #NewSLeagueTeams
29. @IanLeong93: Real Marymount FC #NewSLeagueTeams
30. @overmars_: @mrbrown Pasir Ris Lows #NewSLeagueTeams
31. @miyagi: Mountbatten Matchfixers #NewSLeagueTeams
32. @dk: Boon Keng Chao Kengsters #NewSLeagueTeams
33. @adesabrina: Geylang Gorbloks #NewSLeagueTeams
34. @mrbrown: Aljunied Abudens #NewSLeagueTeams
35. @Chun_Xi: West Coast Hollanders #NewSLeagueTeams
36. @timothylaiwg: Newton Circus Clowns #NewSLeagueTeams
37. @miyagi: Woodlands Worriers #NewSLeagueTeams
38. @miyagi: KTV Chiongsters #NewSLeagueTeams
39. @yazbanz Random is my middle name!
40. @ObiAngKenobi Sengkang Shrimps & Punggol Prawns #NewSLeagueTeams
41. @mrbrown: Pertain Road Kin Jio Kars #NewSLeagueTeams
42. @mrbrown: Lim Tua Tow Headers #NewSLeagueTeams
43. @ShunfuMart: Expat Wankers #NewSLeagueTeams
44. @miyagi: Mustafa Knights #NewSLeagueTeams
45. @miyagi: Real Makcik #NewSLeagueTeams
46. @idrsm: Pasir Ris Saint-Germain #NewSLeagueTeams
47. @kallangfortis: Sheng Siong SuperMat #NewSLeagueTeams
48. @ShankerPaarey: Little Indians #NewSLeagueTeams
49. @CH_Z14: Kua Simi Kua FC (KSKFC) #NewSLeagueTeams
50. @funkshin: No Signboard FC #NewSLeagueTeams
51. @ladylimahl Hong Lim Park Rangers #NewSLeagueTeams
52. @Fake_PMLee: Aston's Villa (you know who sponsored them) #NewSLeagueTeams
53. @kindaichi17: Caldecott Hillbillies #NewSLeagueTeams
54. @Gdy2shoez: Telok Banglas #NewSLeagueTeams
55. @KStheKopite: Manchester United Overseas Bank #NewSLeagueTeams
56. @Fake_PMLee: Bakwalona #NewSLeagueTeams
57. @mrbrown SingTel 没有 FC #NewSLeagueTeams
58. @mrbrown: Dynamo Kranji #NewSLeagueTeams
59. @mrbrown: TurKwaPool #NewSLeagueTeams
60. @mrbrown: Man City Harvest FC #NewSLeagueTeams
61. @mrbrown: AC Malan Road #NewSLeagueTeams
62. @mrbrown: Chai Chee Bayern #NewSLeagueTeams
63. @mrbrown: Lorong Ah Soo-nal #NewSLeagueTeams
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Malaysia PM Najib thought he met Mark Zuckerberg of Twitter. Everyone knows Zuckerberg is CEO of Funbook!
Oh wait. It's Friendsbook. Or is it Feelsbook?
I wonder what they talked about. Did Najib ask Zuckerberg, "Is your Twitter gigabytes very fast?" or "Are hash brown tags very popular?"
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If you know the source, lemme know and I will credit the creator (the watermark wasn't blurred by me). Thanks!
[via Every Day Party]
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On the way back from my in-laws':
Wife, in car: "Are you driving at the zoo?"
Me: "What?"
Wife: "Because this is the speed of a zoo tram."
Oh burrrrn.
I guess that's why I'm not an F1 driver.
By the way, if you stayed out too late for F1, this morning you may need to see a Singapore GP.
Earlier in the night of the Singapore Grand Prix, I tweeted, "You know, the #F1 cars can really save some serious money if they carpool. Just throwing that idea out there."
I am happy to see Alonso and Webber taking my advice and carpooling.
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The LTA has modified the COE category such that cars with engine power output exceeding 97kW (130 brake horsepower) will be classified under Category B starting February 2014, Transport Minister Lui Tuck Yew announced. So now a Cat A 1.6-litre car can become a premium Cat B car?
Why stop there? In addition to the current Cat A to E, here are some suggested #NewCOEcategories!
Cat F: Cars above 97kw engine power and car stereo above 6000 W PMPO (FWAH!)
Cat G: Vehicles weighing above 2 tonnes (like Godzilla liddat).
Cat H: Cars that look like got Turbo but actually only got the sticker niah. (Haolianz lah!)
Cat I: Cars that have exhaust pipe bigger than their driver’s head. (Idiots.)
Cat J: Cars that think that everybody on the road should be able to enjoy their poor taste in music. (Jin dua siah leh!)
Cat K: Cars with number plates that use some really ugly fonts. And don't kern.
Cat L: Cars that have blue LED lighting everywhere, including the bottom. (via @longadin)
Cat M: Cars that look like Mini Cooper S but is really a Perodua Kancil.
Cat N: Cars that have window tinting darker than The Dark Knight. (Inside is always night one.)
Cat O: Cars with awful colours like Orleng and Puke Green.
Cat P: Cars that did very well at PSLE.
Cat Q: Cars that call themselves car but can actually seat eight people and take up 110% of the HDB parking lot.
Cat R: Cars that are for the Rich: Type-R. Wait, that means all cars in Singapore eventually.
Cat S: Cars that have spoilers so big, can fly on National Day.
Cat T: Cars that use number plates with typefaces that humans cannot read.
Cat U: Cars that U-turn anywhere they like.
Cat V: Cars that are Very What One, because they think that just because they are Sports Utility Vehicles, they can bully the more katek cars.
Cat W: Cars that can move on water, whenever it floods.
Cat X: Cars with blinding Xenon headlamps.
Cat Y: Cars that stop at rain shelters and wait there for the next 30 minutes. (Y U NO FIND A PROPER LOT TO PARK FIRST?)
Cat Z: Cars that think zebra crossings are only for zebras to cross.
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Let's pause from the internet debates for a bit and enjoy some awwwww-some baby animal photos.
Look at those cute widdle paws! And widdle whiskers! Aren't you cute? via
Baby wabbit! via
Baby Octopus! Too cute to eat!
Mouse with er, mouse! via
Jump, baby kitty, jump! via
Cutest Irish Weasel evar! via
What does the cutie baby fox say? via
Maru the Sugar Glider! via
Are you a cute bunny? Yes, you are! via
You ate too much, didn't you? Didn't you, you greedy fellow? by K Akagami
OK, cute moment over. Get back to work.
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This was shared by my friend Serena, and if you chose the answer (4), like most of us, you would be wrong because the science teacher who set this, and her Head of Department insisted that the answer is (2). Why? Read Serena's story below:
"This P6 science question is taken from a paper that is set by a local brand name primary school. The majority of the students who took this test gave the answer as (4). The science teacher insisted that the answer is (2). The reason given was that sentence D should be interpreted to mean that only light energy is given off when an electric current passes through it.
The children, as well as many other adults who are well versed in the English language, unanimously agreed that the students were correct to interpret the sentence as meaning that the bulb will give off light energy (though it does not rule out other forms of energy) only if an electric current passes through it (so if there is no electric current, the bulb will not give off light energy.
The HOD called to clarify that her teacher (and therefore the dept) is correct. She apparently said that there is nothing wrong with the statement, and that it is not meant to be read in an "English" way, but rather in a "scientific" way. She then proceeded to read the sentence aloud, pausing after the word "only". When it was pointed out to her that there is a need for a comma after "only" if it is to be read with a pause, she insisted that that was the "scientific" way of reading the sentence, and went on to qualify that laymen would not be able to distinguish between the scientific reading and the English reading, but that the students, having studied the subject for four years, were expected to tell the difference. According to her, this would set the A* students apart from the A students.
Since when our English language developed a "scientific" dialect?! And if you cannot apply standard English language rules to reading the questions of a paper set in English, then perhaps we need to clarify that the paper is written in Scientific-English instead? What kind of nonsense is this?"
It should have been written as "It gives off only light energy when an electric current passes through it.", if I understand what the H.O.D. Is trying to say.
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You have to be the best, to be the best! Learn at mrbrownshow.com.
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I wonder if his brother is called "Shine Protection".
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Tissue Chope-ing is so last year.
Also, FREE PHONES HERE.
Singaporeans really have a lot of confidence in our low crime rate hor?
Reader Wilfred Wong shares:
'I heard about this story where an undergrad used her laptop to chope a table in the sch canteen. Of course, the laptop disappeared. She asked the cleaning lady if she had seen anyone taking it. The lady just said, "Tak ah nee juay zhek, boh nao…"'
Ouch.
[photo by @skinnylatte]
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[photo AFP]
Miss New York, Nina Davuluri, became the first Indian to be crowned Miss America when she won the 2013 pageant.
Her win, however, made some Americans angry. Some choice tweets from the racists and geographically-challenged:
@hasanminhaj felt it was necessary to show the "Miss America is an Arab" folks a map of the world:
Many wanted Miss Kansas, Theresa Vail, to win.
Er, Nina Davuluri is American though. She was born in Syracuse, USA, and also moved to Oklahoma and Michigan as a kid.
I have to say Miss Kansas is quite a looker too, from this image that was being shared by her fans on Twitter.
Todd Starnes, host of Fox News and Commentary felt that Miss Kansas lost because she actually represented American values:
The liberal Miss America judges won't say this - but Miss Kansas lost because she actually represented American values. #missamerica
— toddstarnes (@toddstarnes) September 16, 2013
Sounds to me like coded racist language to mean Miss New York wasn't white.
And then there are the well-meaning supporters of Miss America who need a geography lesson…
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If the SCDF needs any extra speakers to boost the reach of the SCDF Public Warning System siren, they can borrow my kids.
They already know how to make the siren sounds.
In my car.
At my ears.
The SCDF will be happy to know we dutifully tuned in to the car radio at 12.05pm today when the test sirens went off, to listen to the instructions.
My friend Brenda told me at least my kids sounded off in the car. Her brood made the siren sounds while they were taking public transport.
Marcus said his kids wanted him to evacuate them down to the open carpark… down 13 floors of stairs! "Can't use the lift in an emergency", his kids said.
Well trained, our kids all are.
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We finally did it… we finally succeeded at littering beyond our solar system.
The Voyager 1 spacecraft has become the first human-made object to leave the Solar System and enter deep space.
I hope it remembered to close the windows and turn off the gas.
Miyagi pointed out that the Voyager 1 has a greeting in Hokkien. Click on this link to listen to this Hokkien message to the stars: http://mrbrwn.co/1bcVe9O.
Anytime now, the Vulcans will come for us. Or Klingons. Or Borg. And they will come with a Hokkien greeting too, "LIMPEH KA LU GONG! LIMPEH AI ATTACK LIAO!!!"
Voyager has boldly gone where no probe has gone before. Let's hope it doesn't get stuck on some intergalactic starship's exhaust pipe and cause a space accident.
I wonder if NASA blessed the Voyager 1 back in 1997 1977 when it launched. Must learn from Singapore mah, like the way we blessed the F1 track.
In true Singapore kiasu pattern: Ask one god maybe not enough so must Loong Zhong Ask Ka Liao.
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Every year, the Sri Vadapathira Kaliamman Temple Silver Chariot makes it way from the temple to Blk 140 Lorong Ah Soo for devotees to worship and make their offerings.
My mother always makes it a point to go as it is near our home, and this time she jio-jio-ed me to go with her on the Friday night.
While we were there, a PRC Chinese lady, who probably stays at the block, asked us what the festival was about as she took photos excitedly. It was quite a challenge explaining the event to her with my Chinese but I think she understood what I said.
We don't often have big religious events in our quiet neck of the woods so this annual procession is quite well known.
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Wife leaving for work…
Me: "Dear, don't forget your iPad mini!"
Wife: "It's ok, I am taking a book to work today."
Me: "Oh, your Nook?"
Wife: "No, an actual paper book."
Me: "Wow. Old school."
So hardcore. She has to flip pages and all that. But it won't run out of batteries, which is a huge plus. For the record, she was reading Great Expectations.
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Saw this on a friend's FB wall, by Mr Danny Choo of Malaysia (not the Japan one).
In other news, 2 out of 3 of Malaysian's 70,000 English teachers were tested and found not proficient in English: http://mrbrwn.co/17s5fMl
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Youtube link: http://mrbrwn.co/15jHjez
Kim Huat shares his views on the new iPhone 5c and 5s offerings from Apple.
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This has been making the rounds on the Internet and I thought it was not bad.
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