mrbrown.com

I like the rapper RM1.50

Eh, Malaysian newspaper, 50 Cent's name no need to convert to Ringgit lah.

[via @AndrewBloch]

Have a durian, Obama

Want to serve Obama durian also at least open the fruit for him lah. You expect him to rip the durian open with his bare hands ah?

[photo via @rainnabe]

Even in Turkey, I get Star Awards news from a friend

Winner of Best Supporting Hair Product: The Gel.

In other news, the London Choco Roll Happiness award must be the pinnacle of acting accolades. Good grief, talk about shamelessly sponsored categories.

Best. Subtitles. Evar

Good-ah, these subtitles.

(Also, battery needs charging-ah.)

[photo via @daddyeddy from Instagram]

Hello Turkey!

After a red-eye flight on Turkish Airlines, I am finally in Turkey. Belek to be exact, in Antalya.

The view from this golf resort is lovely, and everything smells new. Because the Carya hotel is new. Hey, the room is ginormous, I can't complain.

I am going to be here for a few days for the IFA Global Press Conference. More photos will follow in the days to come. Especially when I get to Istanbul.

For now, I am resting and enjoying a little TV from my iPad Air hooked up to the hotel room tv. The hotel thoughtfully provided an HDMI cable for guests to hook up their devices to the big screen TV. Good thing too, because the TV shows are all in Turkish, Russian or German, and only CNN is in English. Aargh.

Ferrari Auntie

My caption: "I can't talk right now, I'm driving my Ferrari."

Other captions from readers:

Dawn N: "Hello, AA? My car stall ah. When come pick up?"

Felicia C "No la… I haven't reached… Car not moving leh…"

Jonathan A: "Harlow? Siang ka pager?"

Richard K: "Hello hotline, how do I operate the rocket launcher?"

TCJ: "On my way liao, kthxbye"

Kenny N: "Why this Ferrari one seater nia???? I want refund."

Daken: "Eh where you guys? I've reached liao. Driving my rocket powered Ferrari today."

Wong KJ: "What do you mean my checkerboard pants doesn't go well with red ferrari? Very fashion what!"

Evelyn K: "Hellos, Fire Station. My ass is stuck in the korkorbeh. Can come pry me out bo? Which korkorbeh? U see siew zarbo wear F1 flag kor (pants), u see me liao!"

YW Lee: "Susan, fill in the paperwork. It is a bit small but this red convertible is good deal for money."

William Tan Ah. Can recognize where this "Ferrari" is parked at. 4th storey of City Square Mall.

SC Ang: "Eh got TP coming. I call u back later!"

Ron T: "Sure its farlali bo? Like got locket engines leh."

Jacqui T: "Call u later - no handsfree!"

Eric N: "BEEBOOBEEBOO"

Wei K: "Wa eh kar jin sng."

@ResonanceGlobal: "It's ok, I'm parked!"

@melonrhyme: "Ah boy! Come quickly. Mummy chope the seat for you oredi!"

@DaNz97: "Eh tonight race where? Changi ah?"

Typepad downtime

My site host, Typepad experienced a massive DDoS attack, more than once, actually. This is similar to attacks made on other tech companies lately.

As a result, mrbrown.com was not available sporadically for the last few days.

Things seem to be restored for now (I say this with cautious optimism) and I apologize for the downtime.

What Makes You Uncle-ful

Joy, 8: "Do you know Harry of One Direction has four nipples?"

Me: "Nipples are private things that we do not discuss in polite conversation."

Isaac, 10: "Pa, you sound like a textbook."

Or an uncle, I said silently to myself.

Spies. Spies everywhere

Kopitiam auntie: "Teh si kosong peng ah?"

Me: "Teh si kosong."

Auntie: "Not having it cold ah? Your mother scold, right?"

Me: "Ya lor."

Baby Jubilee Gifts for you?

These are the shortlisted Baby Jubilee Gifts from which 5 will be picked. Where is the $50,000 note that can double as a baby shawl?

Apparently you can vote on what babies born in the year of Singapore's Jubilee will get as a keepsake.

If you and your spouse get to work now, still got time to make a Jubilee baby leh. Go, go, go!

Another great Baby Jubilee gift idea: your choice of primary school. That would be like hitting the Big Sweep.

Actually if you read the item names out loud, they sound like SAF unit Open Mobilization Code Words.

"The following units are required to report to your Mobilisation Centre: Wooden Toy, Diaper Bag, Sippy Cup, and Multi-Functional Shawl."

Madam Chairwoman…

Are these exercises or office seduction techniques?

[via @mystifize]

the mrbrown show: the STB deleted video remade as thriller

YouTube link: http://mrbrwn.co/1g6r46c

Honey, look! The Winter Soldier!

What if the infamous Singapore Tourism Board virally bad video for the Philippines market, was really a thriller?

Original STB video here: https://vidd.me/v/vyf

There are domestic flights in Singapore now?

Sometimes, you may get tired of trying to get a cab or squeezing into a train. For those moments, there is the Silkair MI8870 flight from Changi Airport to Paya Lebar Airbase.

Enjoy onboard service that is legendary, as you take the fastest route between two destinations in Singapore. Just make sure you eat fast. It's only a 9km flight.

Sure, it may take longer to check in and wait for your flight than to actually take a bus to Paya Lebar, but Changi airport has better aircon.

Now you can truly say, with pride, when friends ask you how you came to Paya Lebar, "Oh, I flew here from Changi."

And in case you're wondering, the unusual flight does exist: http://mrbrwn.co/1qoJKCZ

Update: According to Melvin Chen, "it's to move the plane to Paya Lebar Airbase's ST Aerospace facility, for maintenance/retrofit. Quite common. Sometimes they fly and land with Changi as destination too, for test flights."

Update 2: According to a SilkAir spokesperson, "This is a ferry flight for one of our retired aircraft heading to Paya Lebar Airbase for its sale transaction. It is part of our aircraft fleet renewal as we introduce new Boeing 737-800 aircraft into our fleet."

[photo via @TalkingFishy]

Honey, look!

Video link: http://vidd.me/v/vyf

Behold, Singapore Tourism Board's cringe-worthy tourism video for the Philippines market: Couple goes to Singapore for a holiday! And she has a surprise for him. (I think the fella would have preferred a watch.)

The video is so bad it is good, and it was taken down by the Singapore Tourism Board from their YouTube channel once it went viral.

Oh, they now blame Philippines broadcaster ABS-CBN for it.

Mom, resident paikia

Me, calling after dropping Faith at school: "Ma, you want me to pick you up for breakfast?"

Mom: "I'm in Auntie Julie's car! We are going to JB! Bye bye!"

Me: "Wait what?"

Even a fractured left knee can't stop my mother from going out.

Do the trees have Nparks' permission to flower like that?

Spring is coming to Singapore.

The renamed National Gallery Singapore and its new logo

This is the new National Gallery Singapore logo. It is two rectangles. It is very cheem.

That is why I could not resist doing this:

That is what I look like after doing yoga for the first time.

It is good for computer games:

Good for saving the animals from a flood:

And it makes an easy Bat-signal too:

And what is a gap without a Portal?

I wonder if it cost a lot of money to design this logo…

Update: I added more samples from other people. This is from Every Day Party:

This is from Boon Howe:

I loved this Tetris one I saw on Facebook, but I can't seem to find the creator (let me know who and I will put in the credit):

Zack Zainal kicked this out of the park:

The Ten Commandments of mrbrown for the movie Noah

I watched the 3D version of Noah the movie and here are my thoughts:

1. Thou shalt not believe the intro when it says it is Inspired by the Bible. It is an environmental conservation and vegan propaganda film disguised as a biblical (or some might say, anti-biblical) epic.

2. Thou canst enjoy it as an okay adventure film. The special effects are quite decent but the set pieces are also dragged down by long spells of boring dialogue.

3. Hence, thou will find it draggy in parts and will wish the flood came sooner.

4. Thou shalt not let Russell Crowe sing. Not even a lullaby.

5) Thou can no longer take this movie seriously once thou seest the Rock People a.k.a. Fallen Angels. Hey, the Hobbits called, and they want their rock people back.

6. Thou will also wonder why ancient peoples had such nice clothes and boots.

7. Thou will be able to tell this is an ancient time because the world is full of white people who speak with a British accent.

8. Thou will enjoy Anthony Hopkins's restrained acting as Methuselah, grandfather of Noah. Give that man a berry.

9. Thou may be prompted, after the movie, to reread the book of Genesis, and think deep thoughts about it.

10. Thou will wonder if the sequel will feature David battling the Goliaths, giant robots piloted by the Philistines, tentatively entitled "David and Goliath: Titanfall". Inspired by the first book of Samuel, of course.

30 Signs of Unclehood

Signs of Unclehood:

1. @mrbrown: You start caring about the stitching and material in the boxers you buy. #SignsOfUnclehood

2. @mrbrown: You hear got Isetan Private Sale tomorrow and get excited. Because you have the privilege card. #SignsOfUnclehood

3. @mrbrown: You get upset when you forgot to bring your NTUC card and you just bought some groceries at Fairprice. #SignsOfUnclehood

4. @mrbrown: When your dental clinic SMSes you an annual checkup reminder, you call right away & make an appointment for the next day. Even though you have no toothache. #SignsOfUnclehood

5. @songboh: Walk past mama shop not to see 8 days or iweekly, but lian he wan bao #SignsOfUnclehood

6. @mrbrown: You can sit at the kopitiam like @gweezilla for hours. #SignsOfUnclehood

7. @mrbrown: You know it costs you $1.17 to take bus home from the office, compared to $1.57 by train/bus. And choose to take the bus. #SignsOfUnclehood

8. @mrbrown: You discuss loyalty point accumulation strategies with your mother. #SignsOfUnclehood

9. @SC_Ang: CK is in heartland, not Orchard Road. #SignsOfUnclehood

10. @oddianlee: You use the zoom function often for documents cause font size too small. #SignsOfUnclehood

11. @mrbrown: You become a morning person. #SignsOfUnclehood

12. @mrbrown: You become a morning person AND you are thinking of joining a taichi class at the RC. #SignsOfUnclehood

13. @kennyboyboy: You browse the newspaper to cut out supermarket discount coupons. #SignsOfUnclehood

14. @threez: You bring umbrella and bo zua go State Courts and listen to the Little India riot COI coz got free aircon. #SignsOfUnclehood

15. @kiddoliciouss: You prefer hot drinks to cold ones. #SignsOfUnclehood

16. @BernardYeo76: "I tell you… that time Liverpool won everything…" #SignsOfUnclehood

17. @TiongChye: You start finding out what 50plus EXPO is all about. #SignsOfUnclehood

18. @pattyopines: When your last shirt of choice was a horizontal stripped polo tee and white shorts. #SignsOfUnclehood

19. @judacris: You get angry at a opinion submitted to ST Forum but do nothing about it. #SignsOfUnclehood

20. @Alfred_Loo: You start buying polo T shirts with breast pockets. #SignsOfUnclehood

21. @mUAr_cHEe: When you can connect, understand and relate to @mrbrown posts on parenting. #SignsOfUnclehood

22. @sohbengkuan: You watch #夜市人生 and tweet about the show. #SignsOfUnclehood

23. @mrbrown: When Gold 90.5FM is playing music from your era. #SignsOfUnclehood

24. @pzhiwen: @mrbrown, when you start washing and collecting plastic take out containers. #SignsOfUnclehood

25. @mr_wilson95: You start accumulating the stamps from shop&save to exchange for those pots on display #SignsOfUnclehood

26. @ikuan: When you start to wear a singlet inside your shirt. #SignsOfUnclehood

27. @Yuuuussss: When choosing clothing, u prioritise comfort over style. #SignsOfUnclehood

28. @DLiew_: When you rather drink at coffe shop than Koi or Starbucks #SignsOfUnclehood

29. @mrbrown: When you stop having Ice Kachang and start liking Chee Mah Wu. #SignsOfUnclehood

30. @mrbrown: You know it's ‪#‎SignsOfUncleHood‬ when you don't care that you left the house in the Ah Pek shorts you wear at home.