I watched the 3D version of Noah the movie and here are my thoughts:
1. Thou shalt not believe the intro when it says it is Inspired by the Bible. It is an environmental conservation and vegan propaganda film disguised as a biblical (or some might say, anti-biblical) epic.
2. Thou canst enjoy it as an okay adventure film. The special effects are quite decent but the set pieces are also dragged down by long spells of boring dialogue.
3. Hence, thou will find it draggy in parts and will wish the flood came sooner.
4. Thou shalt not let Russell Crowe sing. Not even a lullaby.
5) Thou can no longer take this movie seriously once thou seest the Rock People a.k.a. Fallen Angels. Hey, the Hobbits called, and they want their rock people back.
6. Thou will also wonder why ancient peoples had such nice clothes and boots.
7. Thou will be able to tell this is an ancient time because the world is full of white people who speak with a British accent.
8. Thou will enjoy Anthony Hopkins's restrained acting as Methuselah, grandfather of Noah. Give that man a berry.
9. Thou may be prompted, after the movie, to reread the book of Genesis, and think deep thoughts about it.
10. Thou will wonder if the sequel will feature David battling the Goliaths, giant robots piloted by the Philistines, tentatively entitled "David and Goliath: Titanfall". Inspired by the first book of Samuel, of course.
