Caption: The author looking at how bright his future is after following the advice of his own Medium life hack article.
Everyone and his mother seems to be writing Life Hack articles on Medium so I thought I’d give it a go. Here are my 7 Things Every Person Should Do Before 7 A.M.:
Sleep is very important because if you don’t sleep, you will be tired in the morning. And if you don’t sleep enough, you may die. And dying sucks.
2. Unload your emotional baggage
Get up to pee because, just before bedtime, you drank too much Pokka Gabu Gabu mixed with your manly tears, to drown your sorrow after watching the Grey’s Anatomy episode where Meredith gave that heartbreaking speech to the young interns on how to inform a wife that she has become a widow.
3. Dream your dreams
Dream of Star Wars: Episode VII — The Force Awakens. Pew pew pew!
4. Confront your deepest fears
Wake up in cold sweat because Jar Jar Binks was the secret villain in your dream version of the movie, and BB-8 was the love child of R2D2 and the first Death Star. And Disney announces in your dream that it is retiring all Slave Leia toys and merchandise from stores.
5. Seek the comfort of loved ones
Hug your Ewok soft toy and go back to sleep.
6. Free yourself from the limiting constraints of time
Hit the snooze on the 6:59 A.M. pre-alarm on your iPhone and by “hit the snooze” I mean throw said iPhone across the room. Which does not silence the alarm and now you have to get up and #%*?! walk across the room to turn it off.
7. Recharge your life
Make sure iPhone is connected to the Lightning cable and is charging, then return to sleep, because nobody likes waking up and finding out that the phone only has 19% battery left.
This article originally appeared on my Medium blog.