mrbrown.com

CNNGo column: mrbrown and the Singapore Twitter war

Latest CNNGo.com "Say What? with mrbrown" column: mrbrown and the Singapore Twitter war

Excerpt:

I have returned from the Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in Las Vegas for two weeks now and I can safely say my jet lag is almost over. I am now waking up at 6 a.m. instead of 4 a.m. daily.

As one gets older, one's body does not take kindly to such abuse. One used to be able to jump back into one's routine after being in a timezone that was 18 hours behind. One no longer has that ability. One also starts to refer to oneself in the royal third person. (cont'd)

CNNGo column: Surprise! You are now a political association!

Latest CNNGo.com "Say What? with mrbrown" column: Surprise! You are now a political association!

Excerpt:

Singapore's online community was abuzz with excitement after The Online Citizen (TOC), a popular group blog that discusses politics and current affairs, was told by the government it will be gazetted as a political association.

This means that they cannot accept donations from foreign sources, among other restrictions. For instance, they will also need to list the identities of its owners, editorial team and administrators.
Why being gazetted should be look on as an honor

I think TOC should feel proud about being given this honor. To be so influential that the ruling party thinks you are a potential shaper of opinions at the coming elections, and need to be gazetted, well, that's like getting a National Day Award!

Some of you might be thinking, perhaps it may be better to run a website that discusses politics anonymously in future. Or maybe the entire TOC team should just shut down the site and start a new one with secret identities. (cont'd)

CNNGo column: A wintry postcard from Atlanta

Photo by Jonathan Y

Latest CNNGo.com "Say What? with mrbrown" column: A wintry postcard from Atlanta

Excerpt:

I am in Atlanta right now and it is freaking cold. I am talking high of 2 degrees Celsius and low of -2.

When I first looked at my weather app to see what the temperatures were going to be in Atlanta before embarking on my 25-hour flight here from Singapore, I saw 22 and thought, that doesn't seem so bad.

It's almost Singapore air-conditioned office temperatures. But now that I am shivering in my long johns, I now know that was in Fahrenheit.

I packed as many winter clothes as I could. Long johns, two sweaters, very thick gloves, a thick jacket, a wind breaker and a wooly hat. Being a dweller of the Equator, I knew that I was not equipped to handle cold climes.

My only concern was that my wooly hat, which I picked up in New Zealand, said "All Blacks" and I was getting odd looks from some African-Americans in Atlanta. I guess they don't play rugby here. (cont'd)

CNNGo column: The WikiLeaks-Singapore saga, part 2

Latest CNNGo.com "Say What? with mrbrown" column: The WikiLeaks-Singapore saga, part 2

Excerpt:

Like a gift that keeps giving, WikiLeaks has released yet another leaked U.S. cable that involves Singapore.

This time, the cable shows our straight-talking Minister Mentor describing the Myanmar (or Burma) leaders as "stupid" and "dense." He was even quoted as saying that dealing with the regime is like "talking to dead people."

That immediately conjures up mental images of zombie generals for me. Which is probably a reminder for me to cut down on those "Left For Dead 2" (L4D2) gaming sessions. Perhaps in "Left For Dead 3: Burma" you can play as Harry, the tough old guy who clears a room of zombies with just his rapier wit and barbed tongue.

Who needs a shotgun or a chainsaw when you have weapons of mass elocution like that?

I am not sure how it will affect Singapore and Burma ties. We do appreciate the Burmese leaders spending their money shopping here and seeking medical treatment at our fine hospitals. Hopefully they take "stupid" and "dense" in the right spirit and not out of context. (cont'd)

CNNGo column: mrbrown on the world peace bandwagon

Latest CNNGo.com "Say What? with mrbrown" column: mrbrown on the world peace bandwagon

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Move over, Nobel Peace Prize, China has her own too. Named the Confucius Peace Prize, it apparently was in response to the Nobel Committee giving the Nobel to imprisoned Chinese dissident, Liu Xiaobo.

Confucius was a famous Chinese thinker and social philosopher. You may know him from that movie where he was played by Yun-Fat Chow. You may have also heard a few jokes based on his name like: "Confucius he says, Man who walk with knife in pants should not fall down."

The Confucius Peace Prize committee said that their award was to "interpret the viewpoints of peace of (the) Chinese (people)".

I suppose when you are as big a country as China, you can give any award you like and your domestic audience will be enough to sustain it. Maybe hold the ceremony in the Bird's Nest stadium and televise it on Chinese television, you can say the ceremony was watched by "more than a billion people." (cont'd)

CNNGo column: Singapore Gets Wikileaked

Latest CNNGo.com "Say What? with mrbrown" column: mrbrown on the Singapore Gets Wikileaked incident

Excerpt:

It was with great pride that I read the latest Wikileaks releases -- the U.S. Embassy cables-- because Singapore was mentioned in them.

Our esteemed Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew was featured prominently in his meeting with U.S. Deputy Secretary of State James Steinberg, at the Istana, our president's official residence.

It was rather exciting to see the document classified as "S E C R E T." I don't know why the word is double-spaced though. Perhaps the person typing out these minutes was afraid we might miss it.

In any case, double-spaced "S E C R E T" did not help the document much once Wikileaks got their hands on it and shared it with the whole world. Not even triple-spacing would have helped in this case -- except to mess up the formatting of the document.

You must understand why the excitement from our side. In Singapore, we hardly get leaks like these. We don't even get leaks from our taps very often. (cont'd)

CNNGo column: The great Mas Selamat non-detection mystery

Latest CNNGo.com "Say What? with mrbrown" column: The great Mas Selamat non-detection mystery

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The news is finally out: Singapore's escaped terrorist, Mas Selamat, was aided by his brother's family.

In case you're new to the story, this is what you need to know... Arrested in 2006 under the suspicion of plotting to bomb Changi Airport, Mas Selamat escaped from the Whitley Detention Center where he was held in custody. His escape sparked a country-wide manhunt which lasted over a year before being caught in Johor Bahru, Malaysia. Currently, he is detained (but not formally charged) in Singapore under the Internal Security Act.

I feel a little sorry for newly appointed Home Minister Shanmugam. He is answering some awkward questions that the former Home Minister, Wong Kan Seng, should be answering. But that's life.

MPs have asked, for instance, when a terrorist escapes, isn't it standard operating procedure for security forces to actually stake out the homes of immediate family members?

To which the home minister replied that it would be against Singapore's interests to disclose details of operational security matters.

Best. Answer. Evah. (cont'd)

CNNGo column: mrbrown ponders the merits of an airport 'freedom fondle'

Latest CNNGo.com "Say What? with mrbrown" column: mrbrown ponders the merits of an airport 'freedom fondle'

Excerpt:

Travel to the United States now comes with some extras, courtesy of the TSA. You can choose to stand in front of a full-body backscatter scanner and let an anonymous airport official see your naked body, or if you find that unpalatable, you can opt for a pat-down.

Before you say, "Pat-down for me, fo' sho!" let me also tell you that the new, ahem, "enhanced" TSA pat-down involves screeners touching your genitals (also known in some scientific circles as "your junk") with their fingers. (cont'd)

CNNGo column: mrbrown is engrossed by the MTV EMAs

Latest CNNGo.com "Say What? with mrbrown" column: mrbrown is engrossed by the MTV EMAs

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I was invited to watch a preview of the MTV European Music Awards before the rest of Southeast Asia got to watch it. This year's gala event was held in Madrid, Spain but my invite only extended to Lorong Chuan, Singapore, where MTV Asia's headquarters were located.

I did get a nice limousine taxi picking me up for the very early morning screening of the awards show (probably because they heard of my reputation for not being a morning person). My wife hitched a ride because she worked nearby, so she was most pleased with a free cab ride, during rush hour, on a Monday morning.

I was pretty much the first folk to see this broadcast (besides the staff) in Singapore because the EMAs were broadcast at 3 a.m. Singapore time, just hours before. Our host was Holly, the lovely VJ. (cont'd)

CNNGo column: Singapore in 30 years, according to mrbrown

Latest CNNGo.com "Say What? with mrbrown" column: Singapore in 30 years, according to mrbrown

Excerpt:

Okay. The Feds need to stop printing money. Your U.S. dollar is now worth 1.28 of my Singapore dollars, down from 1.36 a few months ago, and I get paid in U.S. dollars for this column. And it's not even a lot of U.S. dollars (hint to my editor to start paying me in Australian dollars).

This is prompting me to think about what Singapore will be like in 30 years time. For one thing, we may have stronger money than the Americans.

This means we may try to buy one of your American football teams. Even if we don't understand your version of football (like we don't understand cricket).

One of our millionaires, Mr Peter Lim, has already tried to buy Liverpool, an English football (the REAL football) team. Who knows? With our penchant for importing foreign talent instead of grooming our own, the Manchester United Red Devils may, in future, be the ManU Red Lions. And with the U.S. dollar going south, maybe the Green Bay Packers will also become the Marina Bay Packers. (cont'd)

CNNGo column: mrbrown on hobbits and mergers

Latest CNNGo.com "Say What? with mrbrown" column: mrbrown on a finding-Fuji fail in Japan

Excerpt:

This is a very heady week for our region. First, the Singapore Exchange (SGX) wants to merge with the Australian Securities Exchange (ASX).

Then "The Hobbit" almost left New Zealand for greener shores. And then Singapore and Malaysia may have a high-speed maglev train from KL to Singapore.

Well, "The Hobbit," it seems, was the easiest to resolve. Once Warner Bros. got the NZ government to sort out the unions and sweeten the deal with some tax rebates and US$10 million dollars of marketing funds, it looks like "The Hobbit" will be made in New Zealand after all.

I am glad that is the case. I mean, New Zealand IS the land of the hobbits in my mind now.

When I think of New Zealand, I don't just think of sheep, cows and wide open spaces with long stretches of road lined with sheep and cows. No! I think of Mordor and the Shire and Minas Tirith.

They wanted to move it to the UK, for goodness' sake. That's just daft. How many digital effects do you think they will need to replicate any of New Zealand's natural scenery?

Sure they may have better internet connectivity in the UK, but NZ is Middle Earth personified! (cont'd)

CNNGo column: mrbrown hates the haze

Latest CNNGo.com "Say What? with mrbrown" column: mrbrown hates the haze

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As surely as seasons come and go in other countries, the haze is back in Singapore. We have our Indonesian neighbors to thank for bring our air quality to as bad as 84 PSI. This time, the haze is mainly from slash-and-burn forest fires in Riau Province in Sumatra.

Our four seasons in Singapore seem to be Hot, Hotter, Haze, Monsoon Rains.

ASEAN’s solution to all this is, of course, to have a meeting with each other where the parties affected by the haze can meet the parties causing the haze, and watch the hazy lot shrug their shoulders.

Someone even took a photo of the Merlion, which had stopped throwing up water. I believe it is the haze giving the Merlion asthma, and he forgot his inhaler. I suggest the Merlion see a doctor and get a few days of medical leave.

Or at least get an indoor gig. (cont'd)

CNNGo column: A close shave for the guy in the bear outfit

Latest CNNGo.com "Say What? with mrbrown" column: A close shave for the guy in the bear outfit

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Singaporeans got worried when a video of a bear spotted at the Ulu Pandan area was uploaded to a, ahem, "citizen journalism" site.

The police looked into it, the zoo checked its own cages (nope, all our bears present and accounted for) and zoo staff were sent out with a tranquilizer rifle in case they had to put the bear to sleep.

As it turns out, The Ulu Pandan Bear was just a guerrilla marketing stunt for Philips shavers by their social media agency.

What were they planning to follow up with for their lady shavers? Send out a guy in a beaver suit?

I tried to think of the connection between the bear and the shaver, and came up with a few candidates:

1. A shave so comfortable, you'd think the shaver was bearly there.

2. Our shavers shave as close as your face can bear.

3. Our shavers are so good, they give you paws. (cont'd)

CNNGo column: mrbrown on a finding-Fuji fail in Japan

Latest CNNGo.com "Say What? with mrbrown" column: mrbrown on a finding-Fuji fail in Japan

Excerpt:

I know this sounds odd coming from a column that resides on CNNGo, but I am quite sick of CNN the TV channel.

Every hotel I've stayed in so far in Tokyo has nothing else in English on TV and so I am left with the constant stream of news, news, news and commercials about how culturally diverse the CNN news team is.

Much as I'd like to enjoy Japanese soap operas and variety game shows, I have no idea what is being said as I flip from one channel to another, looking for an English program. ANY English program. Once, on MX TV, I came across a "Charlie's Angels" episode and was delighted.

I am not talking about the movie but an ancient episode of "Charlie's Angels." It was dubbed in Japanese though. But I managed to figure out how to switch the audio track to English and watched the whole darned thing.

As an escape from hotel television that aired nothing but Japanese programs and CNN-J, I decided that the wife and I would actually leave the hotel room and see the rest of Japan.

We decided that we should give Hakone a try, just less than 100 kilometers from Tokyo, so we could at least tell our friends we saw more than just the capital. (cont'd)

CNNGo column: sleepless and Internetless in Tokyo

Latest CNNGo.com "Say What? with mrbrown" column: Sleepless and Internetless in Tokyo

Excerpt:

I am in Tokyo and writing this on my iPhone in a cafe. I know, you are asking why I am in Tokyo and not Singapore, and why I am not doing this on a proper computer.

Let's deal with the easy question first. I am in Tokyo because my wife and I are here partly for work reasons and partly on vacation.

I have been here for three nights and already I am in love with Tokyo.

The second question, why am I doing my column in a cafe on my iPhone, that is a longer story. (cont'd)

CNNGo column: mrbrown turns Formula 1 driver for a day (in a Mini Cooper)

Latest CNNGo.com "Say What? with mrbrown" column: mrbrown turns Formula 1 driver for a day (in a Mini Cooper)

Excerpt:

I realized that I missed Car Free Day on Wednesday. Some folks gave up their cars for that day and rode bicycles to work.

Me? I was driving a Mini Cooper S on the North-South Highway in Malaysia, woohoo-ing all the way.

Before you lash out in righteous indignation, I will have you know that I ride my bicycle almost every freaking day of the work week, so Car Free Day is pretty much every day for me.

So indulge my three days of driving a sports car.

Speaking of which, you can tell F1 is coming to town again. Yes, road closures and traffic jams have returned to Singapore for the next few days as we make way for those celebrity drivers of the Formula 1 world. Pffft.

Speedracer for a day
At least I can say I have driven on one of their race circuits (no, not Marina Bay), but Sepang in Malaysia.

Part of my drive in Malaysia was on the Sepang circuit and man, was that a blast.

You see, I was invited by MINI Singapore to try their MINI Driver Training in Sepang itself. (cont'd)

CNNGo column: Why build a casino if you don't want people to gamble?

Latest CNNGo.com "Say What? with mrbrown" column: Why build a casino if you don't want people to gamble?

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Looks like the free ride is over. The Marina Bay Sands (MBS) and Resorts World Sentosa (RWS) had to cancel their free shuttle bus services from the heartlands and the city area, after the government stepped in.

Some folks and members of Parliament complained that the buses were ferrying locals to the casinos, and The Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) saw it as the Integrated Resorts promoting gambling among heartlanders.

Soon after the complaints from the anti-gambling lobby, Casino Regulatory Authority (CRA) stepped in and the buses stopped operating. It seems that a free bus service to the resorts will somehow lead more people to gamble. (cont'd)

CNNGo column: Singapore is a nation of complainers

Latest CNNGo.com "Say What? with mrbrown" column: Singapore is a nation of complainers

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As Singaporeans read about yet another strike by the London subway workers, we reflect on the fact that this would never happen in Singapore. Our media relishes showing the strikes and chaos in other countries to remind us how lucky we are.

Tripartite: A tricky term
In contrast, our public transport system runs like clockwork and our workers, well, we don't know the meaning of the word "strike" or for that matter, the meaning of the word "union."

Most unions in Singapore are in what the government calls a "tripartite" relationship with the government and the business owners. If you asked a Singaporean what "tripartite" means, they will mutter something about the unions being also a part of the government.

Regardless of whether you consider the union situation in Singapore "tripartite" or just "cozy buddies," it does create a strike-free system so that regular Joes can take the train every morning, knowing that it is unlikely to stop working just because subway workers are disgruntled yet again.

In fact, if our subway stops, it is likely due to things like upgrading. Some stations were closed over the weekend for upgrading and over the long term, our Senior Minister Goh Chok Tong tells us that upgrading the switching system will cost up to S$1 billion (US$715 million). The old switching system only allows trains to be, at most, two minutes apart, and the new one will let trains come one minute apart.

Then Mr Goh went on to say that the cost may not be passed down to commuters directly, but it has to be defrayed. At that point, every Singaporean gulped, and unconsciously touched their wallets and purses, because we know what that means.

The operative words were "MAY not be passed down" and "defrayed." In other words, somehow, some way, someone has to pay. (cont'd)

CNNGo column: mrbrown on the proper use of metaphors

Latest CNNGo.com "Say What? with mrbrown" column: mrbrown on the proper use of metaphors

Excerpt:

The Youth Olympic Games (YOG) is finally over. Singaporeans can finally return to their lives and embrace the return of the center lane where drivers had to give way to YOG buses. It was not a smooth few weeks here. While we had highs like watching the Opening and Closing Ceremonies, cheering our Young Lions' heroic performance in the Under-15 football matches and seeing young Isabelle Li take the silver in table tennis, the YOG also made some people mad.

Take Abdul Malik Ghazali, for instance. This guy was so mad he posted very angry remarks on his Facebook page and an "I hate the Youth Olympic Games Organizing Committee" page that got him arrested on charges of "incitement of violence."

What did the fellow say? Well, his diatribe against the recent floods, a terrorist's escape and the money spent on the YOG ended with the sentence, "THIS IS THE TIME FOR US TO BURN VIVIEN BALAKRISHNAN AND THE PAP!!!!! RALLY TOGETHER AND VOTE THEM OUT!!!"

The police seem to have taken issue with his use of "burn" which he later said was a metaphor, not meant to be taken literally.

Personally, I think his only crime was typing in all caps and the overuse of exclamation marks (I suggest a month's community service for every unnecessary exclamation mark). You may even take him to task for misspelling the name of our Sports Minister (it's "Vivian" and not "Vivien", and he's a bloke). But I think anyone with half a brain will realize that in the context of what Mr Ghazali wrote, he was not inciting any violence or asking folks to set a minister on fire. (cont'd)

CNNGo column: Youth Olympic Games 2010: mrbrown tours with the torch on a 'happy bus'

Latest CNNGo.com "Say What? with mrbrown" column: Youth Olympic Games 2010: mrbrown tours with the torch on a 'happy bus'

Excerpt:

I spent a Saturday afternoon smelling the teen spirit of the Youth Olympic Games. By that, I mean really smelling it. I was on an open-top Hippo bus converted into the Coke Happiness Mobile, riding with 17-year-old male and female cheerleaders as it followed the Olympic torch through the heartlands of Singapore.

Dismiss any glamorous images of girls in short skirts and pompoms a la "Glee" and "Heroes". The young people I was with were togged in practical red tees and white caps, and we all perspired together under the sun for six hours. If I had any doubt that there was any YOG spirit left in this country, these young volunteers showed me there was still hope. (cont'd)