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Insing column: mrbrown and the Botanic Gardens

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the Botanic Gardens"

Excerpt:

We looked at the sky on National Day with some dismay.

Rain was coming down and we had gotten up extra early to get ready for our outing to the Jacob Ballas Children's Garden with the kids and our friends, the Teos.

The wife had arranged this little outing with Jo, the other mommy and only told me about it the night before. Being the obedient husband, I could only say "Of course, what a great idea!"

I had great plans for the National Day holiday, which involved patriotic things like sleeping in. So out went that grand plan. But a man has to fulfill his Duties to Fatherhood so I made the necessary sacrifice. Also I didn't want to get another lecture on how I should spend more time with the kids from the Boss and Director of Parental Guilt Trips.

For a moment, I saw the rain and thought, perhaps I could crawl back to bed while feigning great disappointment. But the wife was already on the phone, calling Jo to see if it was raining at her side of the Singapore.

"Jo says it is not raining a drop at her end. So I think we should just go," the wife said optimistically after she hung up.

So we piled into the car and drove towards the Botanic Gardens. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the youngest one

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the youngest one"

Excerpt:

Some mornings, I wake up a little later for work because of a late night of recording (or a late night of gaming too, but let’s not tell the wife). One such morning, I walked out of my bedroom in a slight daze, at around 8.55am and in the living room, I spotted Joy, my 5-year-old, making herself comfortable on the sofa, watching our big-screen TV.

A big-screen TV that was playing Majulah Singapura, the national anthem. And Joy was singing along.

For a moment, I stood there, wondering why in the world a kid would be watching the national anthem on TV. And wondering if I had stepped into the dream world of Inception. Maybe this was a Level 3 dream inside a dream inside a dream.

"Good morning, Papa!" Joy said cheerily, "zhou san!"

"Zhou san," I replied in Cantonese, then pulled all my mental energies together to ask the next logical question, "Joy-joy, why are you watching the national anthem on TV?"

"Okto going to start!" she replied, as if I was asking the silliest question in the world.

So there I stood, in my pajamas, staring at my kid who had planned to catch the free-to-air kids TV channel right from the start of broadcast. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the World Cup

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the World Cup"

Excerpt:

I am in the midst of discovering that my body is no longer the late night fighting machine it used to be. I learned this from this year's World Cup.

Three matches a day was taking a toll on my poor body. I am so glad we are going into the second round soon, with just 16 teams.

It did not help that when I went to Malaysia for a short vacation with the family, I got hit by a severe gastric attack, probably from eating something funky. Fortunately it was on the last day but it meant that I had to stay in the room while the rest of the family was out doing fun things like ice skating, shopping and watching The Karate Kid (the new one in which the kid does not learn karate but kung fu).

Since I am on the topic, what is up with that movie? At least be honest and call it The Kung Fu Kid. Will The Karate Kid 2 be about a middle-aged woman who wants to learn tai-chi? (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the truffles

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the truffles"

Excerpt:

You have not lived until you have tasted real chocolate. I’m not talking about the candy bar variety you get at the stores. Those are nice to eat in their own way – if you like to eat chocolate bars made of sugar, vegetable oil and chocolate substitutes.

No, I am talking about chocolate truffles that are made of cocoa butter, chocolate ganache and dipped in cocoa powder chocolate shell. Handmade and done fresh too.

I recently visited Truffs, a ‘chocolate atelier’, tucked away in Telok Ayer Street. It’s the place that makes these little heavenly morsels. I suppose it is called an atelier because making truffles is machiam like French art.C (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the super change robots

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the super change robots"

Excerpt:

I am seeing more of the kids this month because of the holidays. It’s a mixed bag – while I’m thrilled to see them around when I wake up in the late morning (I work late into the night), I’m not too crazy about some of the things I am discovering about their quirks.

Joy, my 4-year-old, for instance, likes to play house and lays out her plates on the floor as if there’s a tea party going on. She also likes to rope her older brother in.

My 6-year-old son can be very sweet to his sister. Other boys may balk at doing something so girly but Isaac is sporting about it (Joy, on the other hand, has firm objections to playing ‘boy-boy’ toys, so no robots).

I thought it was fun to see them play together until I noticed what Joy was using as her ‘food’ in the toy plates and pots. It looked like small pieces of sponge at first. But on closer inspection, I realised she was using small broken up pieces of sponge CAKE. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the Malaysian Road Trip

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the Malaysian Road Trip"

Excerpt:

"I think we should skip this Malacca holiday," said the wife, two weeks before we were going to go north for a short break with friends.

"Why? We've been planning this for weeks!" I said, rather perplexed.

"I think we should spend time with the kids lah. I might miss them."

I did not know how to reply to this kind of reasoning because either way you lose.

You can't just say, "Oh, forget the kids! We need this break!"

Nor do you want to say, "Sure! Let’s give up our long-awaited long weekend trip and just stay home!"

As a wise husband, I just let nature take its course. And on the weekend before the trip, the wife had to stay home with the three kids while I was out on assignment.

When I got home from work in the evening, she looked ragged.

"Kids gave you a hard time huh?" I said.

"I think... we'll go on that trip after all," she said with a tired laugh.

I must remember to buy some presents for the kids for doing such a fine job of turning my wife around. They did it without even trying. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the toy department

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the toy department"

Excerpt:

The wife and I took our 6-year-old, Isaac, out to the city over the weekend. We rarely hang out near malls and the downtown area on weekends because we dislike the crowds but I needed to develop some black and white film (I know! Who still does that, right?) and there are only a few shops that do it. So I made it into a little adventure for the boy.

I was secretly pleased to just have the son with me, partly because one kid is easier to handle, and secondly, it was a guy-bonding thing. Mommy came along because she wanted to do some shopping, so we hopped on the train to City Hall.

Man, was it crowded.

I hate to sound like a country bumpkin but where do all these people come from? Why is everyone going downtown all at once? To make things worse, it started to rain and by the time we bussed to our MRT station, water was flowing down the path to the station. This is where I learned a valuable kid lesson — boys have to be told NOT to walk or jump through water. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the Iron Men

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the Iron Men"

Excerpt:

My friends are gloating over the fact that they have seen Ip Man 2, the sequel to the movie about kung fu master, Mr Ip Man (what do you call him? Mr Ip or Mr Man?).

I was busy watching Iron Man 2, the other sequel about a man in a metal suit.

In the first Ip Man, our hero, whom many know as the master who taught Bruce Lee, fought a Japanese opponent. This, of course, made the audiences in China thrilled because many are still angry at the Japanese for WWII.

In the sequel, Ip Man fights a Western boxer. I don't know what the Westerner did to make Ip Man and the Chinese population mad at him beyond being a white guy who can fight well, but it sure made the audience happy to root for our hero once again.

So Ip Man has fought a Japanese soldier in Part 1, an ang moh in Part 2 but who has he left to fight in Ip Man 3? An ang moh born in Japan? What other powers will score with a Chinese audience?

I suggest moving the Ip Man franchise into the crossover world. Just like we had Alien and Predator, then Alien vs Predator (AVP), we can do Iron Man vs Ip Man. Millionaire in Iron Suit fights Kung Fu Man with Iron Fists! (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the long talks

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the long talks"

Excerpt:

A few evenings ago, the family watched bits of Cheaper by the Dozen 2 (a Steve Martin comedy) on TV, which ended with a baby born to the movie family.

My youngest, Joy, aged 4 and a half, turned to ask me some life questions.

"Papa, did you marry Mommy?"

"Of course, Joy," I replied with firm conviction. I didn't exactly want her to think we had them all out of wedlock.

"Did you make Mommy pregnant?"

"Yes, dear. We made all three of you, starting with your Cheh-Cheh Faith."

"Did you go to the hospital?" she continued.

"Why of course, I wouldn't miss it for the world," I smiled.

"Then how come I did not see you in the photos?" (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the new 30

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the new 30"

Excerpt:

We were at a Bob Fitts concert just recently. Bob Fitts is a Christian singer who was very popular during our time. When I say, ‘our time’, I mean the Eighties. I am not saying he is not popular now but even he is aware of the demographics of his fan base when he asked the audience above the age of 40 to give a big shout, then those below 40.

I looked at my wife after giving my big yell to being above 40 and said "Why you never shout ah?"

She gave me a sheepish grin.

To be fair, nobody believes she is that age even. She is blessed with kiddie looks. When she was in Secondary 4, some Primary 3 boys hit on her and when she told them she was way older than them, they declared "No way! You are at most... Primary 6!" (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the hadoken

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the hadoken"

Excerpt:

I am the oldest person in my office. With the average age of my colleagues at 25, I am an old fart by their standards. This also means that when we play computer games, I am not as good as they are.

That's right. I am hiding behind my age when it comes to computer and console games. How else am I going to explain my level of ‘suckage’ when I play with them?

When I say we game in the office, I mean that the office is a working place by day, and is like a LAN Gaming shop by night. The computers are networked for a reason, and that reason is DOTA and Battlefield.

We also have a PS3, PS2, Xbox, Xbox360 hooked up to a big-screen TV, and pretty much everyone else (except me) has a PSP and/or Nintendo DS Lite (or newer).

It is like a giant toy store, this office of ours. Hey, we have writers, artists and a photographer/videographer under one roof, and creative people need to play, ok?

Every day, someone will either buy a new game or we'd be gathering around someone's computer to watch some HD trailer of an upcoming title. If a game looks promising for LAN-based play, the gang will run out and buy a few copies so that we can kill each other on the network.

Sometimes we get lemons. I still have a pristine original copy of Hellgate: London sitting on my shelf. The company that developed this multiplayer role-playing game went under and it is now only played in Korea where a Korean company continues to develop for it. Without game servers, if you installed the game on your PC, it will be in gaming purgatory, floating in some limbo, I am sure. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the bicycle ride

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the bicycle ride"

Excerpt:

It is 4am. My iPhone is ringing like an air raid siren, trying to wake me up. I try to ignore it a little longer. I don't usually wake up this early. I usually sleep at this hour. But I have a bicycle event to attend and need to get there by 5.30am before the flag-off.

Yes, I was one of the 9,000 cycling at OCBC Cycle on Sunday.

I was doing the 40km Challenge on my folding bicycle named Sasha, a Dahon Mu P24.

I decided to grab some food at Suriya's Curry House, a 24-hour prata place near my home. Breakfast was a lovely Maggi Mee Goreng washed down with some Teh Oh Ice Limau. I read some cyclists saying on their blogs that their preparations for the ride included carbo-loading. I reckoned Maggi Mee Goreng was "carbo" enough.

The only preparations I did before the day itself was to make sure my bicycle was working (rear brakes needed to be replaced), that I had clean underwear, and the batteries in my lights were charged. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the online New Year

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the online New Year"

Excerpt:

...In our family visitations, relatives would whip out their new iPhone and an animated discussion would begin, usually over the question, "What app you have on your iPhone ah?"

That would be followed by "Eh! Add me on Facebook leh! I want to tag you in the Chinese New Year photos I took of you!"

And just like that, cousins, uncles and aunts would friend each other on the spot.

Where once we actually had to wait till next Chinese New Year to see this year's photos, we could now see the photos the very next day. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the year of the tiger

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the year of the tiger"

Excerpt:

This year, the wife decided to step up spring cleaning for Chinese New Year and started as early as 2 weeks ago.

I was given my first mission, to secure some boxes so that we could throw away things we don't need (or, more accurately, things she thinks I don't need).

To get the ball rolling, she cleared two boxes of old clothes and gave it away. I was most pleased because now I could see the back of the cupboard for the first time in years. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the distractions

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the distractions"

Excerpt:

I recently purchased a piece of writing software for my iPhone and my Mac called Writeroom. In fact, I am writing on it right now. What it does is turn your very sophisticated computer into a 1960s-era dumb terminal, leaving you with just a black screen and your text in green.

It is supposed to promote “full screen distraction-free writing”. The premise is that your computer now contains so many distracting applications and windows that it distracts you, the writer, from writing.

I know it sounds really odd, but once you try it, it is very liberating.

At any one time, the following things scream for your attention: email, instant messaging, Twitter, Facebook and the latest YouTube video of a guy singing a Chinese New Year version of the Lady Gaga song Pokerface.

So you can appreciate the Zen-like feeling when Writeroom takes over. It does not even give you any traditional word processing formatting tools and menus onscreen. The thing does not even have scroll bars.

To complete the experience, I often listen to Korean and Japanese music in my headphones when I write. I don't understand a WORD of what is being sung (they could be singing about a head of cabbage, for all I know), so the language-processing part of my brain does not need to pay attention to it. I used to listen to spoken word podcasts but found I could not concentrate on the words on the screen and the words being said in my headphones at the same time.

I wish I could do the same thing with the rest of my life. I think I will get more things done. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the bed

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the bed"

Excerpt:

When you have small children, it is easy to forget that they grow up.

In your eyes, they are still toddlers and babies when, in actual fact, they have already outgrown their beds.

This is what the wife is for, to point out to the clueless Papa (i.e. Me) that it was time to buy a bigger bed for them. All three of them.

I left the wife to do the research and she combed through the catalogues and junk mail from furniture stores. We knew we wanted a bunk bed so that we could save some space in our little HDB apartment, so we focused on those.

That led to our first philosophical disagreement. The wife wanted something made of wood and I thought a metal bed frame was good enough. "Tough and sturdy what, steel," I said.

She would have none of it. A steel bunk bed did not please her sense of aesthetics and the few dollars saved would not be worth staring all day at what she considered an eyesore.

So it had to be made of wood. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the vampire movies

Update 2: Links are working again.

Update 1: We are experiencing technical glitches with the Insing.com site and so the link is broken at the moment. Will let you know when the page is back up. Sorry for the trouble.


Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the vampire movies"

Excerpt:

I am a bit of a vampire movie fan. I've partaken of the lot: Blade 1 to 3, Underworld (yes even the disappointing prequel) and recently, even the Twilight Saga.

Twilight: New Moon contained some of the most ‘emo’ vampires I have ever seen. I don't care if I get torn apart by angry teenage girls foaming in the mouth with their love for Edward.

The movie was as insipid as a piece of cold abalone left out in the open for too long. The only reason I did not sleep during the movie was because of the screaming women in my hall who shrieked at every opportunity, even the credits. I am not making this up.

Even the werewolves in that movie were lame. I am not surprised Bella chose to go with Edward instead of Jacob. Brooding and buff, Jacob could only manage to become a giant dog. I know a werewolf when I see one, ok?

That's no Werewolf. That's a Very Big Dog. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the first day of school

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the first day of school"

Excerpt:

"You took leave, right?" the wife said.

I nodded. The wife had been reminding me of Isaac's first day at school since November, and January the 4th was the day we would join the great parenting rite of passage known as Kid Going Primary One.

I remember my own first day at Primary One. Stand by as I use one of those phrases that old folks use... In MY day, my mother or father could not come to school with me. They had to work and so mom took the school bus with me, and then halfway, told me "You are going to be ok, right? I am going to get off the bus here and go to work."

I told her I was fine and went to my first day at school alone, spending the day wondering why so many parents were there and why so many classmates of mine were crying.

Fast forward decades later, and it was now my turn to take my son to his first day. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the Na'vi

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the Na'vi"

Excerpt:

By now, most people and their mothers have seen Avatar, James Cameron's latest big budget movie. If you haven't, I suggest you stop reading this column, get out from under that rock you have been living under, and go forth to watcheth the movie. Because after this paragraph, I am going to talk about the movie a lot and you might blame me for giving away the ending that Darth Vader is really Luke's father.

Are all the losers who have yet to see the movie gone yet? Good. Let us begin. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the overseas Christmas

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the overseas Christmas"

Excerpt:

I am wondering if my six-year-old son would mind a box of Taiwanese Nai Yu Tai Yang Bing (奶油太阳饼), or Suncake, for Christmas.

It was all I could find on my Taiwan holiday with the wife. The little souvenir shops of the mountain village tourist trap, Jiufen (九份), did not really have any Power Ranger Jungle Fever figures in stock. All they had were assorted Taiwanese biscuits, giant fishballs and something called Blood Meat Cake.

That's the problem when you go on a long-awaited holiday with the wife for the first time in years, without the children. And you choose to do it just before Christmas, when you should be a good little parent and stay in Singapore, looking for toys and presents for your brood, together with the great masses.

I think I will have to find a way to buy him that Power Ranger (what does Jungle Fever Power Ranger mean? Does he have some kind of exotic flu?). Either that or shape a Power Ranger out of a piece of Taiwanese Pineapple Tart. (cont'd)