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Insing column: mrbrown and the iPhone

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the iPhone"

Excerpt:

My wife and I finally got our iPhones. After the last two telcos got their right to sell Apple's newest gadget crack, it opened the floodgates for the rest of us who had not purchased it earlier.

I proudly showed my wife my purchases and declared I got one for me and one for her. Mine was a manly black (they ran out of 32GB white) and hers was a 16GB white iPhone 3GS.

She looked at her iPhone and frowned a little, "Where do I hang my cute cute dangly mobile phone thingy?"

Then my heart sank. For all his genius, Steve Jobs failed to provide the crucial hole for the dangly mobile phone thingy.

I tried my best to win her over to her new 3GS, over the next few days. But you have to understand, my wife belongs to that category of technology users who are very attached to their old ways of doing things. Shifting even a switch from the left side of the phone to the right side was a major paradigm shift in usability. It was like asking her to learn to use a new leg. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the computer show

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the computer show"

Excerpt:

My goal was to pick up a media player for myself (the kind that hook up to a TV and plays digital video) and a big screen TV for dad. I was quite pleased with the walking space at Expo compared to Suntec City computer shows. Where the latter always had bottlenecks at the escalators, Expo was just one big floor.

I went from one booth to another, looking at what each media player brand had to offer and asking questions that would make a computer show nerd proud.

“Does your player support MKV? DTS audio with pass-through via S/PDIF Coaxial/Optical? Streaming over LAN and WLAN?” I asked each vendor.

Some of you ladies may laugh at the geek-speak, but I am sure you have your own jargon when you shop for your designer shoes and underwear, right?

I have heard ladies in the lingerie department using terms like underwire, G-string, multiway, and balconette. The first few terms sound like technology terms. Except that last term. A balconette bra sounds like you are wearing a condo on your chest. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the flood

Update 2: Details regarding this piece can be read in this post.

Update 1: The link to this week's column is not working at the moment. I will find out why and update you all once I get a clearer picture. Thank you for your kind patience and sorry for the inconvenience.


Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the flood" [link to column removed]

Excerpt:

I think we need to appoint a Minister of Freak Incidents soon.

After all, who is going to deal with the kind of incidents like the recent flooding of Bukit Timah? According to the authorities, the kind of rainfall that can cause such flooding was a 'freak' event that occurs only once in 50 years.

Environment Minister Yaacob Ibrahim even said, "We knew the diversion canal was not big enough to take this."

That was very reassuring to know.

I can imagine someone saying, "You know, those canals are not going to be able to take very heavy rainfall."

And someone else in charge might have said, "We know. But what to do? We cannot make the biggest canals to accommodate the biggest rainfall possible. We can't cater to freaks. Anyway, once in a half-century only lah." [link to column removed]

Insing column: mrbrown and the new VW Polo

As part of our 30-hour Non-Stop rally from 21st to 22nd November (Saturday and Sunday), I thought I'd share some of the pre-trip preparations that Ryan and I had to make. Find out more about the new VW Polo, our rally and the contest at Polo.sg!

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the new VW Polo"

Excerpt:

The second concern was the car itself. Will we like the new VW Polo? Will the car befit our dashing adventurer image? Will we be able to live with driving it around for two days?

We went for a test drive to find out for ourselves, and I am happy to report that we will be safe and comfortable in this car. I drove it in my usual Safe Uncle mode around the block, happily experiencing the acclaimed Volkswagen 7-speed dual clutch transmission known as DSG (Direct-Shift Gearbox).

The gears shift very fast and silently as a result of this technology and I strained to hear the gear changes. Quiet as a mouse. This kind of gearbox is rarely found in 1.4-litre cars, I am told.

A little annoyed with my rather safe driving style, Ryan took over for his turn and he drove in his Fierce Dude mode. He changed gears himself with the car's Tiptronic or manual mode and looked satisfied with the car's responsiveness. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the purse

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the purse"

Excerpt:

I am going to address an issue that men find very hard to talk about. It is whispered in hushed tones and referenced with knowing nods. It is linked directly to a man's masculinity and his machismo.

You know what I am referring to. Yes, it is the Man Purse.

"What are you talking about, brown?" I can hear a chorus of male readers out there exclaiming in unison. "We are MEN! Men don't carry purses! We stuff everything into our pockets, like real men do!" (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the APEC

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the APEC"

Excerpt:

With so many heads of state and power people coming to Singapore for the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) meetings, the critical question I am sure many Singaporeans are asking is, "Oi! When is the Nicoll Highway jam going to stop ah?"

The Nicoll Highway runs in front of Suntec City, where major APEC meetings are taking place and so it has become a bit of a traffic bottleneck when some lanes are closed at certain times of the day.

To their credit, the government has not closed off roads extensively and unlike the IMF/World Bank meetings the last time, Singaporeans don't feel like we are living in a caged prison trying to produce the required four million smiles.

Chinese President Hu Jintao, who is also attending these APEC meetings, announced that a pair of pandas will be coming to Singapore in 2011, as a symbol of strong ties between Singapore and China.

I wonder what animals China sends as symbols of average ties. A pair of random Chinese cows? (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the Graduation

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the Graduation"

Excerpt:

My son Isaac recently graduated from kindergarten and his school, run by a Chinese church, organised a graduation concert.

"Make sure you are free on Friday evening, ah. Don't make any work and gaming plans for that day, ok?" The wife said. "He is performing at the concert and you cannot miss it."

Of course I was not going to miss this. How could the wife even think that I would forget an important date like this?

I quickly called off a session of LAN gaming with the mates.

The original plan was for just the wife and I to attend the event together, to keep things simple. My dad had his Friday evening plans, my mom was overseas, and we thought it best to leave Faith and Joy at home with the helpers.

Then my dad said he was able to make it after all, and the wife suddenly felt bad excluding Isaac's older sister and younger sister, and the helpers who look after my brood and who adore him to bits. And that was how a simple event became a village outing for our clan. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the Crabs

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the Crabs"

Excerpt:

The Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) always does the fun things when I am away. As I type this in Bandung, Indonesia, I read over the internet that there is a new rank called Senior Lieutenant-Colonel.

The insignia for this new rank is two SAF crests (or 'crabs') and a braid. Current Lieutenant-Colonels (their insignia is two crests) will need to become Senior Lieutenant-Colonels before they can be promoted to Colonel (three crests).

I can already hear the Lieutenant-Colonels talking amongst themselves.

LTC 1: "Eh, you heard or not? Now must be Two-and-a-half Crab then can Three Crabs leh!"

LTC 2: "Ya lor! Sian man. When will I get all my crabs? When will I see my seafood restaurant?" (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the Sai

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the Sai"

Excerpt:

Toyota just launched a new hybrid luxury sedan in Japan. The name of the car is, wait for it, wait for it... 'Sai'.

I am not making this up.

What does it run on - solid fuel?

The Toyota Sai is to be sold in Japan as a domestic model, it seems. Which is a good thing, of course, because in the Chinese market, or where the Hokkien dialect is spoken, this word 'sai' means something less than flattering. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the Yoyo

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the Yoyo"

Excerpt:

My son, Isaac, recently bugged me for a yoyo. Usually, I can brush him off but he turns six in a few days time so I felt a need to get him a present he'd like.

What I didn't realise was that yoyos are not what they used to be. I remember my first yoyo - a red yoyo I had bought from the auntie who drove us the school bus to take us to school.

In those days, my private school bus operator would supplement her income by selling snacks and toys to the kids she ferried. The area at the front of the bus was like a fully stocked store. You could buy sour plums, potato chips and satay sticks of unknown preserved meat. I loved that mystery satay. We used to call it Rat Meat Satay because nobody knew what the sticky yellow strips of meat were made of.

In addition to all this, Bus Auntie sold yoyos. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the Happy

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the Happy"

Excerpt:

A recent UBS report showed that the standard of living in Singapore was slipping, and while Singapore was one of the most expensive cities to live in, the purchasing power of its people was going down.

That is sobering news. It makes you want to go out and buy yet another expensive item on credit to cheer yourself up.

While I cannot speak for others, I would like to share my thoughts on the matter.

It is true that for my family, things have gotten more costly while our family income has not appreciated in a big way. But we count our blessings that our bills are (mostly) paid, that our belt needs to be tightened only some of the time, and that we can still afford one or two nice things in life (as long as we save up for it).

What I have found is that the stuff that makes you very happy, is rarely the stuff that costs a lot of money. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the TV licence

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the TV licence"

Excerpt:

It's amazing what people are willing to watch these days. A pop icon passes on before embarking on his massively sold out concert? No problem, we can make a movie out of his rehearsal footage.

Don't get me wrong, I think Michael Jackson's music rules but the mental image that came to mind was a celebrity corpse being bled for every last drop of golden blood they could get.

Our fascination is not confined to celebrity deaths. We are also, it seems, mad about celebrity weddings. At least that is what a local TV station believes. Apparently, the wedding of Fann Wong and Christopher Lee was THE Wedding of the Year.

Again, best wishes to the couple and all, but Wedding of the Year? (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the Formula One

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the Formula One"

Excerpt:

I read with excitement that three consortiums will be bidding to build Singapore's first motorsports hub in a 41-hectare site in Changi. This motorsports hub will be able to host any race except Formula One.

How can we claim the name of motorsports hub if the hub cannot host what is probably the biggest motor racing event in the world?

Already, other countries are catching up on Singapore's bid to be a race hub. For instance, Ukraine.
(cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the Men in White

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the Men in White"

Excerpt:

Following the success of the book Men In White, I suggest that more spin-off books be published.

Like Rich Men In White Dad, Poor Men in White Dad. This is the story of two fathers, one who is hardworking and poor, and another who is entrepreneurial and rich. The book will teach you the hidden secrets of the rich and their epic struggle to build a nation via flipping real estate and selling board games and self-help seminars.

Next in line is Harry Potter and the Men In White. In this book, Harry meets a wizard also named Harry who also has a lightning scar on his face. In an epic struggle, Harry Potter dies after pitting his magic against the latter Harry's massive brain and rapier wit in a political debate. (cont'd)

mrbrown and the Polyclinic

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the Polyclinic"

Excerpt:

I made my first trip to a polyclinic in a long time. The last time I was at one, it was this rundown clinic at the corner of Upper Aljunied Road and Macpherson Road. I remember going there as a child, and the most vivid memory I had was this mother who was encouraging her young daughter to take a dump in the drain just outside the clinic waiting area.

I am pleased to announce that polyclinics are no longer a dump. The Hougang branch I went to was a newly renovated building, with its own coffee joint and shops.

I checked online to see if there would be a crowd there. You can now see the queue at any Polyclinic via live web video to see if there really is a crowd, then after you look at the queues, you go to the one nearest to your home anyway. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the long pants

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the long pants"

Excerpt:

I hear that the latest fashion trend in Singapore is to wear Lepered Prince and Zip-bra Prince. And that you can even wear Lepered Prince with Duck Gins. That's what I hear they are wearing in international beauty contests anyway.

I am not much of a fashionista, I am afraid. I don't even own A Piss of Rat Pekinese. Not that I think I should. Because I don't have the figure to be Miss Singapore of Anything. Not Miss Singapore Global or Miss Singapore Worldwide Freight Forwarding, or Miss Singapore International Chinatown. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the 3D glasses

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the 3D glasses"

Excerpt:

My biggest beef though, was with the 3D glasses. They only come in One-Size-Doesn't-Fit-All. My wife was happy with hers but I have a somewhat broader face and I ended up spending most of the movie holding up my glasses. It kept slipping down my nose and giving me a massive headache.

All this for an experience that you have to pay a few extra bucks for. If I was feeling annoyed and uncomfortable, I feel sorry for those of you who wear prescription glasses. How would these things fit over your regular glasses? (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the economy rice

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the economy rice"

Excerpt:

Over lunch, I had economy rice with my friend Ryan. You know, the kind where they cook 10 to 15 dishes and plonk them there for the whole day, grouped loosely into three categories: Meat dish, Vegetable dish, and Dunno-what-dish.

You choose your one-meat-two-vegetables or two-meat-two-vegetables or three-meat-one-make-yourself-feel-better-vegetable. Then the nice gentleman looks at your plate and magically conjures up a price for your combo. The price will vary with the time of the day, the weather, and the position of the planets, even if the same dishes were selected.

I don't really know why they call it economy rice. Do I get Frequent Flyer miles with that? Besides, my selection came up to $7. It was hardly economy. I admit I got carried away when I saw the steamed fish and the breaded prawns. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown and the broken internet

Latest weekly Insing column is "mrbrown and the broken internet"

Excerpt:

I regret to inform you, gentle reader, that this Internet column may take longer to load.

In fact, your entire Internet may take longer to load. You do know that it is possible to download the entire Internet, right? That's why you need those super duper megabit cyber-byte broadband plans that ISPs keep telling you that you need. (cont'd)

Insing column: mrbrown goes to the NDP

Every Wednesday, this humour column goes up on Insing.com. Go check it out.

Excerpt of "mrbrown goes to the NDP":

At least you will never get the date of our nation's birthday mixed up. The country does not let you forget it is coming.

First the flags go up then the music videos play again and again on the radio, tv and on the screens in the bus.

I mean, what other country celebrates National Day like we do? We have the marching, the mass displays and the fireworks, every single year. And we don't just have one big birthday party bash, we have at least seven major dress rehearsals before the actual day to make sure we get it right.

It's like you having seven birthday parties to practise for the main birthday party. You invite all your friends over for seven weekends to do a run through (but with 25-50% less fireworks) so that the actual party will be perfect.